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Atossup Offline OP
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Need some advice here. W has called me both mornings and wants to work things out since I told her it was over and I was seeing a L. She even asked me if I wanted to work it out? She said she is excited for to start over again with new communication and will still go to Co and wants to meet tonite now. Wants me to pick her up at her apt and go out for a bit. She kept saying she wants to go slowly but wants to be with me!

Gucci, robx and pin and others,
Thanks for your tough support. Its been 2 months since she left. Oh I also asked her about OG, if she really is over with it and she said "OH YEAH". Vey convincing sounding. I think since I dropped the L bit on her she cracked. She has called almost every morning since. Maybe she thought I had a new LF. But I still need advice so I don't get suckered or chase her off.

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OK - breathe, slow down. Its ok to smile and pump your fist in the air in private...but go slow now.

First thing are what are your boundaries to work at a reconcilliation? Transpracency? Retroville? MC? IC? What?

Second, your first answer is I'm not sure, I have to think about it. However you would phrase it, so it is from you and she knows it. Maybe something along the lines of this is quite a shock to me, not was I was expecting and not where I was happily headed with my life, I don't know yet how I feel about this. I'll get back with you

And then make her call you back and bring it up again...

Don't go Melty Man
Don't go Melty Man
Don't go Melty Man


M39 W41
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WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09
Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10
No longer piecing...Nov 10
Separation Jan 11
EA ends again Feb 11
Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
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Atossup Offline OP
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MC is what we are doing. Yes, I have alot of questions that need answering. But it will take time. She claims she told me 2 weeks ago she wanted to work at it but was surprised :0 when I told her it was over!

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Atossup,

Go slow, my man. Go slow...

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Atossup Offline OP
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Thanks PH,
I had just finally accepted the fact that it was time to move on and let her go. I joined a dating site(silly I know), was going out more. Got some new clothes for my new bod. When she saw me 2 weeks ago after Co I made sure I looked good. Except tired from no sleep but you can perk yourself up.
Yes slowly. She sent me an email asking me to help set up her next Co meeting cause she is slammed at work.

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Originally Posted By: gutwrenching
OK - breathe, slow down. Its ok to smile and pump your fist in the air in private...but go slow now.

First thing are what are your boundaries to work at a reconcilliation? Transpracency? Retroville? MC? IC? What?

Second, your first answer is I'm not sure, I have to think about it. However you would phrase it, so it is from you and she knows it. Maybe something along the lines of this is quite a shock to me, not was I was expecting and not where I was happily headed with my life, I don't know yet how I feel about this. I'll get back with you

And then make her call you back and bring it up again...

Don't go Melty Man
Don't go Melty Man
Don't go Melty Man


This. ^ Oh gosh, yes, THIS. ^ ^ ^

Look, I'm not the experts some of the rest of these folks are, but I have done quite a bit of reading of everyone's threads since I came on here, esp. Robx, Coach & Greek, Pearlharbor and OfficerInNeed's. And there are common themes to the ones that work:

DON'T JUMP AT THE FIRST OFFER ("I'm not sure HOW I feel right now ...")

COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY

SHORT LIST OF NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARIES -- "dealbreakers," one poster (I forget who) called them. MC/Retrouvaille, no-contact letter, transparency, STD test - whatever)

DON'T MAKE IT TOO EASY-- THEY HAVE TO EARN THEIR WAY BACK IN TO THE MARRIAGE.

Those seem to make sense to me, but wth do I know, LOL.

Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Atossup
Need some advice here. W has called me both mornings and wants to work things out since I told her it was over and I was seeing a L. She even asked me if I wanted to work it out? She said she is excited for to start over again with new communication and will still go to Co and wants to meet tonite now. Wants me to pick her up at her apt and go out for a bit. She kept saying she wants to go slowly but wants to be with me!


OK, I'll take a crack at this! :

"Wow, that's a big curveball, (Wife). I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. And tonite's not good for me at all -- I already have plans. Let me sleep on this, and we'll talk in the next couple of days. I won't do anything legally before then, but I just need to really think about what you've said, because I'm just not sure anymore."

Gucci, Robx, Coach -- how'd I do??

Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Quote:
"Wow, that's a big curveball, (Wife). I'm not sure how I feel about that right now.I need to think about that. And tonite's not good for me at all -- I already have plans. Let me sleep on this, and we'll talk in the next couple of days. I won't do anything legally before then, but I just need to really think about what you've said, because I'm just not sure anymore."


Let her know your thinking not feeling thru this.

But her you go Starsky - whistle whistle 1/2 whistle

You stuck the landing but the Russian judge took some points off for the shaky approach. cool


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Originally Posted By: Atossup
MC is what we are doing. Yes, I have alot of questions that need answering. But it will take time. She claims she told me 2 weeks ago she wanted to work at it but was surprised :0 when I told her it was over!


Rondo,

Keep doing the MC. Keep getting the questions answered. Yes, it will take time. Only she can tell you the effect of the "it was over" surprise.

No one on this board can really tell you what to do. Any advice you get here is merely amateur advice and should be discounted (and yes, that includes me). That is why you are going to a counselor. As you go through counseling, you will get your answers. If you are committed to seeing this thing through (one way or the other), open and honest communication will win the day for you no matter what you decide.

Good luck and I hope you find what you want from life.

IMP

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Atossup, I know everyone is giving you good advice about going slow. I've been following your sitch. I can't help but get excited whenever it looks like a resolution is an option. Take the advice of the others, but I just want to say I'm happy to hear she's changed her tune and I wish you both all the best.

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