Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
Quote:
What was the upshot of the movie War Games?


Nobody wins? Haha. I have a feeling that is so true in this case.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
The only winning move is not to play.


Something I need to remember... smile


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 676
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 676
Quote:
Nobody wins? Haha. I have a feeling that is so true in this case.


I have never heard of anyone winning in a divorce ever. Even if the H and W are happy , the kids are losers.

A divorce is not complete until both parties feel ripped off finacially, exhausted emotionally and have most likely shortened there life expectancy.

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,948
Originally Posted By: pollyanna
Quote:
Nobody wins? Haha. I have a feeling that is so true in this case.


I have never heard of anyone winning in a divorce ever. Even if the H and W are happy , the kids are losers.

A divorce is not complete until both parties feel ripped off finacially, exhausted emotionally and have most likely shortened there life expectancy.


I gotta say, that is quite an anti-pollyanna statement, coming from a pollyanna and all... whistle But it's true...


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
"That was a puzzler. But apparently what she "really" wanted, this time last year, was to work on putting the marriage back together. She didn't say anything about that at the time. She didn't take any action toward that end at the time."

Above is quoted from your first post on this thread, SP.

I just have to scratch my head at YOU for a moment...because I do recall that in your very first thread here on DB, you admitted to having a complete mental breakdown that included a violent outburst, and you had said that she had asked you to go to marital counseling but you had refused because you were afraid of it.

Now...I'm on your side, SP, and as I had said on your last thread, your wife is clearly mentally ill. However...I believe that both WAS and LBS's have their own version of re-writing history, and in the long run, you will run up against your own version of events shifting and changing and shifting and changing...and in the version of events I just quoted of yours above, you have completely revised a couple of very important facts.

The only reason I point this out is because as you continue to move on and heal, it will be important for you to really see the whole picture, instead of just her bat-chit-current-craziness.

DQ

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
Quote:
both WAS and LBS's have their own version of re-writing history


Everybody re-writes history. It was never like you remember it, and remember that grin

The cool thing is that means you can re-write the things in your past so they aren't so bad, or so that they were when you learned something good about life, etc.

And then there's some stuff that just never happened. Over 60% of adults who have been to Disneyland remember meeting Bugs Bunny at Disneyland. Bugs Bunny has never been a character represented at Disneyland. But more than half the people remember it.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
I mean adults remember meeting Bugs Bunny when they were children visiting Disneyland. Never happened. They remember it.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
Yes, TimeHeals, I totally agree that you can re-write things for the better, in a deliberate attempt to change your own past, so that you can move on from it.

However, with divorce stuff, it isn't wise to do that. You do it for a while so you can get through your horrible days. But eventually...it really serves you best to see things as close to reality as they were.

I am now 7 years past my divorce. At first, I spent all my energy in my head going over how "wrong" my ex-h was about everything, from the moment we met. I blamed him for this and for that and for everything else. Finally...things started to shift as I truly started to move on. I started to remember the things that *I* did wrong that caused some of our original problems. I read books that helped me understand how some of my own original mistakes snowballed then into big problems that in the end, I had "blamed" on him...but upon a real reflection, years later, I saw how things had actually been both of our faults.

I was here when SP first started posting, and at first he was trying very hard to DB his STBX. At first, he talked about the fact that she had asked him to go to MC, and he talked about his violent outburst and realized it was a sign that he needed to take a good look at himself. He started IC and got on meds after that, if I remember correctly. But for him now to "remember" it as if his STBX "didn't say anything about wanting to put things back together", I think that asking him to to go to MC was actually asking him to help her.

She has completely unraveled since then, and I'm in pain just reading what poor SP has/is going through (sounds so horrid). But...having been fully through the whole process of divorce, moving on, and then true reflection and making my own efforts to never make the same mistakes again...I am just commenting to him, that this particular "bite" of his own marital history, should be remembered by him, not changed. In the future, it will always be important to know where we ourselves missed opportunities, so that we won't miss them a second time.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
smile In the end, crap happens sometimes, right? What happened is not nearly as important as what you learned from the crap that happened, eh?

We're all going to revise our own history, so I think it's better to err on the side of "this bad thing was really a good thing because I learned this, and that's why I am much healthier, happier, and more successful now".

But it is normal. We don't store pure, in-tact experiences. We store rough approximations and impressions, and what is going on right now in our lives colors them.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,566
I don't think we are disagreeing necessarily...but I just feel that SP should *remember* that in her way, his wife DID try to *make it better* before she bailed on him. That's my opinion and he is free to do with it what he wants. Not sure what you are taking up with me? I am just giving my 2 cents like everyone else.

Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard