Sol - he sounds like he could be my ex. Wants to make himself feel better about what he's done, by reassuring himself that I am doing well, and by playing up how difficult this all is for him. (Somehow HE dumped ME after 24 years of marriage and HE has the beach apartment and the 31 year old Asian girlfriend, but he's convinced the kids how HE'S suffered through the divorce? Lol)
The truth is, though - they ARE suffering. Cuz they are messed up. And we are moving forward - living well is the best revenge.
I WILL say - you're young, if you don't have kids with him - don't look back. I took my husband back early in our marriage, and even though I would say we had many good years after that - I can see now he was never really 100% back in the marriage and I put up with way too much crap over the years out of fear of losing him. Now that he's gone - I'm playing drums in a rock band, have discovered other men LOVE those things about me that my ex bitched about, and my possibilities are wide open. I will never settle again for a man who isn't FLAT OUT CRAZY ABOUT ME. End of story.
The problem with saying something back is that it just feeds the cycle. He will jump on any scrap to make himself feel better, and somehow twist things around to show how he is the good guy. If you want to go down that path you might get a jab in now and then, but is it worth it? Now, if he really says something with meaning, or really does something, or even says he is going to do something different, I'm all for communicating with him, and seeing where it goes. It just seems to me that the current line of communication isn't helpful or healthy for you.
". I said remember you said "for better or for worse?...guess that doesn't mean anything anymore."
He said he respects my opinion... that he feels differently than I do because "everything matters to him."" --------------------------------------------------------------
I'm a little confused at the reaction here. I take his comment to be: "I disagree, "for better, for worse" does matter. Moreover everything about our R and M matters."
Why do you think he means something other than that?
You aren't DONE or you wouldn't be having these exchanges with H. So, if you aren't DONE, maybe it is time to stop trying to be "right." It sounds like he is looking for a way back that allows you both to move forward in a positive way.
Merry late Christmas to you all! I had a lovely time with my family and friends and did see the Black Swan. It was quite good!
Have had no contact with h since the last time I posted. I told him that I wouldn't be his chick on the side after the D and how I might believe some things he says had he not taken steps to end our M by filing D and that I deserve better than just some pretty words. I said "Congratulations on your divorce."
Haven't heard from him since. Not even on Xmas. He proposed to me on Xmas. Last night I found myself awake thinking about how he lied to me about how he'd never spoken to the random club girl again after they had sex. A lightbulb went off and it was so strange thinking how all this time he'd been in contact w/ her via FB, at minimum. He lied and said after the deed he was so disgusted w/ himself he never could speak to her again. Well thye were FB friends up until the week I told him I knew he was still in touch with her. So she either made her page private or deleted her page. Idk. I was just feeling angry that he lied and wanted so badly to write her boyf about how his girl f-cked my hub. She also had all this Christian stuff on her page about how he believes in God and etc.
For the first time today in a long time besides feeling sad, I felt straight up ANGRY. That is prob a good thing, a new emotion.
Nothing changes now. I know that. It just hurts that he lied to me that entire time. While we were getting coun selling, while he was sleeping with me the entire time, while we went overseas to celebrate our wedding anniversary, he always was in contact w/ her.
Still seeing my IC but I was wondering if I even should anymore. It's been a year now, and I do feel much better just not sure I want to shell out more $$ to keep talking about the same thing(s)/ themes. LOL.
The snow missed us but for about an inch or maybe less and this makes me very happy
Damn editing button: she also had all this Christian stuff on her page about how she believes in God and wonderful and great the Lord is. Now I am a believer, but don't be spewing off the Lord's name when you sleep with a married man and have a boyf.
Hope you had a great New Year! and that you're ready to put all this behind you in 2011!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I had a lovely time with my family and friends and did see the Black Swan. It was quite good!