starting a new thread since the last one was way past the limit anyways.
so for those familiar with my sitch...i've been mia for the last few months and here is what happened internally:
went on my trip (july)...had a spiritual renewal. like changed wholeheartedly from the inside. internalized that God is truly in charge of things and brings us what's best.
came back a new woman...new perspective...instead of being backseat driver, sitting back while God is behind the wheel (i mean my energy expended wasn't really doing anything).
let go of sooooooo much. reflected on the lessons so far that i had to learn...patience, letting go of control, being grateful for what i do have. and boy did i realize that i have SO much to be grateful for.
learned the meaning of detachment to the fullest. i no longer try to control/scheme. haven't even talked about my issues in so long (which is why i haven't been on the boards either)
If I recall you moved too. Right? If so, how did the move go?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
moving out went well. everything is currently in storage and i've downsized immensely. it's very freeing to not have a lot of stuff. been traveling more since i can...went whitewater rafting a few weeks ago too!
thank ya! wish there was a messaging capability on here. but basically since we are on the www, i prefer my direct link to not be posted. folks who know me or who are interested can find the info if they so incline.
got a life, did my own stuff. didn't talk to H at all. was "moving" on.
then 2 weeks ago, H calls and tells me he wants to "really" try. uh, yeah. i think i went into a mild physical shock for two days. this was NOT what i was expecting.
talked next day (well i mostly listened), said he wanted to try, come in this time w/ good attitude. put his "big" issues out on the table. they were not big, though, which made me wonder is he out of mlc yet? the things he said could have easily been resolved when this whole mess started if it was truly just those things.
afterwards...smiley texts, invites to things from him started. could see a spark in his eyes after so long. i was skeptical at first but it went like this for a good 10 days...so i started thinking...is he coming out of his mlc? and then slowly, i started getting excited.
few days ago, we met up for my "response." i validated his points/feelings he had brought up and then said i am willing to try...but don't want to be on trial. he apologized for last year with a 'but, i wish you had been honest with me.' do mlc'ers really believe the lbs can be honest with them and not face consequences? i learned the hard way that it's best to stay quiet and just validate actions/words no matter how crazy they are!
honestly, i have two major feelings. do i want to be with him and have things work out...yes! but also i'm so scared to go back to living on eggshells...to have him dominate my mind...and to cycle through the same thing again if it doesn't work out. i feel like i moved on and while the outside world had no idea about any of this...i myself was getting to a good place. a really good place...and i'm so scared to lose that.
plus, is this even the right time to go back? is he coming out of mlc or just cycling again? since our last conversation, there have been no texts, no invites, nothing. i'm not looking for prince charming over here (b/c based on what you have said on the boards, that doesn't happen early on...if ever!), but would feel comfy if i felt a slight interest...otherwise, what is it? loved ones want me to be protected this time around but i know that mlc is diff't ballgame and it's not so clear what that looks like...
i could really use some input from the vets or anyone who got to a point similar to this b/c i'm plain confused.
I will reach out to some vet and see if they can reply…
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i think i went into a mild physical shock for two days. this was NOT what i was expecting.
Mild physical shock…F*ck I would have passed out. AND No I’m not kidding.
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'but, i wish you had been honest with me.' do mlc'ers really believe the lbs can be honest with them and not face consequences?
What were YOU not honest about?
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i have two major feelings. do i want to be with him and have things work out...yes!
Why? Not just cause it will feel normal…really WHY? AND don’t just say…”cause I love him”…I understand that I love him is a valid answer…WHY do you love him?
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but also i'm so scared to go back to living on eggshells...to have him dominate my mind...
Fear – can paralyze even the strongest of strong. Guess what it is only FEAR. Face it. Oh…and remember who controls HOW you allow someone to TREAT YOU? Psstt…hint…it ain’t your H.
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to cycle through the same thing again if it doesn't work out.
Pandora…are you EXPECTING and GUARENTEE? If it doesn’t work out will that change WHO YOU have become?
If it does…then honey…you need to think about WHY it would.
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i myself was getting to a good place. a really good place...and i'm so scared to lose that.
Fear again….are you afraid of YOURSELF? Cause the way I see it…only YOU can loose the good place that you have found. I sure as hell can’t take it from you and NOR should anyone else.
FWIW,
This has to be YOUR call.
Center yourself and shut out everyone else opinion and comments.
What do YOU really want?
Can you forgive?
Can you allow yourself to be hurt again? AND – remember this…we are all flawed humans…pain will happen in our lives. It is just the way it is. With your H or with someone else there is bound to be some level of pain at some point.
What do YOUR vows mean to YOU
What does YOU H mean to YOU
Finally, do not let anger, fear, resentment, PRIDE, or anything else for that matter drive your decision.
As the bible says….Love conquers all…
I will pray for you and your H tonight…
Oh…..don’t worry…whatever is going to happen will happen…Know that He is with thee….
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Have you considered going to a Retrouvaille weekend? They are not specifically geared to MLC, but I think that was a lot of what was going on in my marriage, and it worked for us! The website is www.helpourmarriage.org, and dates and locations are listed, it's an international group. They have helped thousands of couples by giving you an effective way to communicate with each other, and pushing you to deal once with the past and then drop it completely before moving on to the future. Best weekend I ever spent!
