I've been doing well with NC, with a setback the other night. Hecame to be with S6 and said he wanted to take S to his place. I told him I don't agree because S was sick. He said I don't have to agree. I said my L told me to keep the status quo for I said I will "take appropriate action" and emailed my L who of course is on vacation anyhow. Then he follows me into the kitchen and aggressively repeats "are you threatening me? What are you threatening to do? Are you threatening me? BEcause I'm recording this right now." I was shocked. I told him to "back off!" and I left the house. I noticed he never left the house, S didn't want to go.
This is so crazy now that we are fighting a legal custody battle. Then I spent my first thanksgiving alone and H took OW with S to his family's.
I don't know how he can do this and feel no remorse. After all this, I still remember all the good times and wonder how it came to this. I wonder why I still yearn for him when he's laughing at me, fighting me dirty, and trying to attack/bait me. I know intellectually it's abusive and I need to stay strong in NC but the pain of knowing he feels nothing but comtempt for me is so painful.
No real advice to give Hope4luv, just want to let you know you are in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are having to go through this, especially at thanksgiving. Do you have soemone to call, or come over and be with you?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Having him take my S is hard enough. But having him aggressively attack me like this - for the past year and a half, and walking on eggshells my entire marriage before that - I have PTSD like symptoms. I cannot stand the intense panic attacks I suffer.
H4L - I am not all surprised to see you have PTSD like symptoms. That is very understandable. You have been through a TRAUMA for the past year, emotional TRAUMA. I am so sorry to hear about the panic attacks, that is not fun.
I see light at the end of the tunnel. I think you will be able to find some peace and establish new routines and normalcy in your life once the legal part is done.
I know this is scary, but I know you have it in you. (())
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
THank you so much GW. Just hearing those words of validation helps me feel comforted. My mind gets muddled when I feel traumatized but he is saying all these things I do and say and I wonder if I really do them. Then I wonder if I have any right to be traumatized.