A message from Michele Weiner-Davis

[DumpedforMIL]

If you look closely at the locked threads and the posters in them there is a pattern.

what's the pattern?

Me.

[Generosity]

You're correct, pookie, that appears to be a smokescreen.

[pookie69]

When did Puppy's farewell post get deleted from here? What was wrong with what he said?

[pookie69]

My stance is and always has been keeping our boards clean. Cluttering them up with uneccessary new threads due to thread age and size contraints is IMO, unappealing, and very confusing to newcomers. Matter of fact, when threads get locked here, I rarely ever see a moderator comment to the thread "owner" that the thread is infact being locked and why.

This I think is the reason why people are confused here and some are leaving.

[TimeHeals]

This I think is the reason why people are confused here and some are leaving.

That and if we made a list of the things people recommend here (and I am not talking about misinterpretations of advice like some of the charicatures of affair intervention being tossed around by some folks) that run counter to DB principles or (worse) are just plainly dysfunctional, then almost everybody would have their threads locked.

[dday101798]

I rest my case. I see Puppy's reply here has also joined the X-files.

[Ready2Change]

A message from Michele Weiner-Davis

...it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity. Nonetheless, it's still important to recognize potential risks.

I see many posters questioning conflicting advise. I think understanding all the available choices as well as the probability of improving the relationship is CRITICAL before taking action. I feel we all have our own point of view on what works and posters need to see as many options as possible and make the best choices for their sitch. I would like to see more insight from Michelle regarding the issue of exposing the truth of the affair to the wayward spouses family.

[TimeHeals]

it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity

I have never read anything from anybody here who knew anything much that suggested anything different from what is in bold.

The red part pretty much calls for precognition and mind reading. People will say they are pro-marriage, and you can be pretty sure they are... until it's somebody they actually know... like their own Son or Daughter. It's hard to say how things will go then.

[Kalni]

Funny but I remember people quoting Glasses' book on Affairs and then going ahead and saying expose the A to your kids even. Glass clearly says not to and not to use the kids to bust the A (if I can understand English correctly).

Being around here for some time doesnt make us experts nor gives us the right to be rude, harsh or insist that it should be our way or..else. We can post to any thread we like, if we think it's a lost cause, fine, we stop posting, with no big words and nusty comments.

Also, an argument I've seen used lately was "how dare you speak this way since you havent saved your M"? Excuse me? If that was a valid argument, 99% of the veterans would have to quit posting. The Bomb and the aftermath, brings lots of wisdome. And one thing it taught me is that we need to keep our eyes open to different ways of approaching things and that we CANT control people.

I am sorry some good guys felt they had to leave. I am sorry there are again these "conspiracy scenarios". Clearly, Michelle needs to see how her team can manage situations like these more effectively so that we dont lose site of the goal of this site which is to help and support because we waste time trying to decipher what locking threads and disappearing posts mean...

Newbies are devastated when they join. They need to be treated carefully and with respect. We as dinosaurs need to always remember how everything affected us at first, how much weight we put on oldtimer's posts... Being "supersensitive", "more royal than the king" as we say in Greek, isnt the right approach IMHO. Lets chill and show our better selves.
K

[TimeHeals]

Funny but I remember people quoting Glasses' book on Affairs and then going ahead and saying expose the A to your kids even.

Who posted this? And how old were the kids? I can't see young children being of any assistance in any kind of intervention.

Also, an argument I've seen used lately was "how dare you speak this way since you havent saved your M"?

Again, who?

For all I know this is a red herring. Never read such a thing myself except when it was directed AT PDT or Allen, who actually did save their marriages.