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rysmom #2088360 10/12/10 04:42 PM
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I didnt speak to h for 1 month the longest for me. I called him last week and told him i needed $ because he wasnt giving me money because he took it all out of his business acct. to buy the 30.000 car. I said you can buy your fu ckin girlfriend dinner every night , I said im sure you are planning the hoes birthday dinner too,i want my money. He said I dont care about that. in the past he would say this when he was thinking of leaving her. I dont know what he is thinking. He answered his phone right away when he saw it was me calling because i didnt call for so long. He almost seemed happy that I called

rysmom #2088376 10/12/10 05:07 PM
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Rysmom,

I suggest that you start your own thread as to not continue to hijack IB’s.

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but can't have true peace of mind worrying about my financial future


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worry about money especially in this economy

A slave cannot serve TWO masters. Money or your soul? – You choose.

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I know i have to put things in gods hands

Knowing and doing are TWO different things. When I knew no better I did no better. Now that I know better I do better. And better is…..

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I said you can buy your fu ckin girlfriend dinner every night

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said im sure you are planning the hoes birthday dinner too

…NOT this ^^^^^

Damn Rysmom are you pissed off.

Your chiting bricks trying to hold on to something that is already gone.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say…fuc* it file for the D. Show his as*!

You want him back right…well I am sure that once he sees the D papers he will just snap right out of it. He will come around to his senses. Chit who would not want to be with someone that speaks to him the way YOU do.

Let him go Rysmom – go find a way to release all the anger you have. Chit…I’m even tempted to tell you to go get some – just kidding of course.

Being an LBS sucks big time…….IF YOU LET IT CONSUME you.

Figure out if you want to be a slave of worry, fear and money OR
If you really want to be a slave to happiness, fun and LOVE….

That Love starts with a LOVE of YOURSELF.

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Sorry for interuption IB. Hope you are doing ok.

rysmom #2088442 10/12/10 07:32 PM
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Actually, and FYI...the add in the paper stating that you are not longer responsible does not hold water in court if a collection company pursues you (in a community property state) UNLESS you have a legal separation or file for D...

If you file for D...you MUST serve the other person or it isn't "filed" which means you didn't go through with it and so nothing will happen.

You can file...and you can keep asking for an extension...I did this and extended my D for well over a year...before dismissing it.

But if I had to file and go through with a D to protect my family...I would do in it in a NY minute!


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Happy and together
imLIN #2088572 10/13/10 02:08 AM
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No worries about the hijack - I could use the distraction:)

Another long day at work - but no tears. Met with IC today and we talked about my continual internalization of blame. The bottom-line, is that I have always felt H saved me from a life of addiction and co-dependency. Of irresponsibility and poverty. I have never given myself credit that I might have succeeded on my own. Maybe he had a hard time being up on that pedestal. So he jumped off with both feet! He is reaching out to our S - wanting him to come and stay at the hotel overnight. S told him ok, but he isn't thrilled about going. I have encouraged S to follow his heart.

At 47 I am having a lot of anxiety of wasting time. I know the 2x4s will be coming out - only I can make the changes - only I can make things better for myself - but I am struggling with feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion. I listened to Joel Osteen last night and he talked about where you find your value. That you shouldn't find it in other people, or work, etc. - your value should come from God. I want to get to this place.


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Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
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IB,

Don't get yourself down. This stuff is hard. Very hard. Taking a look at ourselves, TRULY looking, is difficult. And it's even harder to take steps towards addressing our issues. But it sounds like you're on the right track. Working with an IC and your self-evaluation are all good things. It's OK to be down about things as long as you are continually moving forward. Each day becomes easier than the last. Keep up the good work!


"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"

M18
Me39,H42
D16
Bomb 1/10
Moved out 3/10
OW 6/10
H wants to R,OW gone 11/10
H moves back 5/11
H wants to wear rings again 9/11
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Thanks Alb! As always, rationally I know I am moving forward - emotionally it hurts like he**!


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IB,


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Another long day at work

Did you have to work 12 hours again? I’m worried about you. Remember you need some fun time too. You also need to take care of yourself and try not to burn the candle at both ends.


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- but no tears.

GOOD!

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The bottom-line, is that I have always felt H saved me from a life of addiction and co-dependency. Of irresponsibility and poverty.


1) Co-dependency is a behavior that can be changed!
2) Poverty or potential poverty can be changed!
3) Irresponsibility can be changed!

The changes must come from YOU.

This putting your H on a pedestal is quite normal. I did the same and hey, FTR, I still catch myself doing it. This is a process IB and need to go thru all of the stages in order to truly heal. You may have put your H on a pedestal because you lost yourself in the M, it may have been your past. Either way, he is not better nor worse than you.

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I have never given myself credit that I might have succeeded on my own.

Now we are talking Irish! I too gave my wife the credit for everything in my life. It bullchit. You accomplished much in your life. You did. You may not see it but you did. AND if you need help figuring one area of success in your life that YOU did…..take a look at your kids!

As you go through this and search yourself you will begin to realize the potential that exists in YOU and always HAS.


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So he jumped off with both feet!

That is one way to look at it. Another way is that

He was co-dependant also
He lost himself/identity in the M
And then
His crisis hit!


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He is reaching out to our S - wanting him to come and stay at the hotel overnight. S told him ok, but he isn't thrilled about going. I have encouraged S to follow his heart.

It could be guilt, it could be him reconnecting. It could be a lot of things. Right now, none of that really matters. IMO, your role is to be a parent to YOUR kids. His role is the same, how he chooses to do that is his choice. As for your kids, your son is oldest enough to make up his own mind. Try to stay out of the R between your son and H.

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At 47 I am having a lot of anxiety of wasting time.

I’m 41 so together that makes us 89! LOL

Is finally working on those issues that you identified and wanted to change a “waste of time”?

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I know the 2x4s will be coming out –

No 2x4 from me. You know what you need to do and you will do it when you are darn ready to do it.

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only I can make the changes - only I can make things better for myself –

Let’s simplify this ^^^^^ - how about you can only make yourself happy RIGHT NOW. I am not talking about in the future – no this very second. Just today. Your H is not around right now and YOU need to be happy. Why? cause as you pointed out you are 47 and guess, there is a lot of life to live.


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but I am struggling with feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion.

I am sorry Irish. It will get better ONCE YOU allow it to. How do you change these feelings. You really sit back and figure out things to do for you. Movies, books, a night out on the town, etc.

Keeping your mind busy is critical. Hey, start reading up on some other threads. If you are interested in depressing, whinny, arrogant, pompus, funny, sad, etc stories you can go read my old thread. Oh…If ya haven’t noticed I use a lot of bad language – I’m working on that.

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I listened to Joel Osteen last night and he talked about where you find your value.

That’s the young good looking preacher dude – right?

Tonight Irish…try to rest up. Oh...and stop working 12 hours a day.

God Bless,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Thanks E. I did work less hours today - came home and took a nap:)

This morning my s and I started the day in a rough way. Both of us tired l- we ended up yelling at each other - with him reaching a screaming point, very angry and upset. Basic problem - both of us tired and having a hard time keeping up with the day-to-day.

At the end of the day - we apologized to each other and hugged. I admitted to him that I am finding myself getting more and more angry because of the whole situation. He responds - "finally - I'm glad." I said, it is more about feeling abandoned - like he left me to take care of everything. The house in disrepair for example. S says "he did and I am p*ssed about it too." But we both agree - we love him and long for him to return. Maybe it was good that it happened. I have a 4 day weekend coming up and I'm REALLY looking forward to it.


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IB,

I felt just as you are in that it was like H left me holding the bag. I live in a huge old house built in about 1850. Saying my house is in disrepair is an understatement.

I'm here to tell you that once you start to get past the hurt and the anger and start getting things done yourself it is such a confidence builder. You'll take pride in your accomplishments and those feelings start to fade.

You'll learn to rely on yourself. In the end you're the only one you can rely on.

Enjoy your weekend!

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