It's time to set us free!

[Steve McQueen]

Its about time. You need to continue to grow spiritually and mentally. The life the two of you are living is holding you both back. This is now for the best. For both of you.

Some people never get over the physical and mental abuse. she said "don't you think that this is the only way I can make you feel the way I felt all those years and get away from this. You probably will never really know what it felt like.

[JTJ]

Spoke to wife about me moving out and divorce. I found an apartment and will be moving out in the next couple of weeks.

She replied " So my life is on hold while the house is up for sale. She was teary eyed and didn't make much eye contact.

I replied: I can either pay the house payment and pay your rent or pay the house payment and my rent. Which do you prefer? She said she had to think about it.

She hasn't said much to me since I told her I was leaving. I will follow through on my plan unless she has other thoughts.

I still love her very much and would like things to work out. Time will tell. At the same time I don't expect them to.

I will treat her with Love and respect without expectations of any in return.

Learning to love myself.

Joe

[Ready2Change]

Hi Joe,

I strongly suggest you take the action I propose below as well as memorize the words, and then read as much on this board as possible to understand why it is the right thing to do/say:

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE or YOUR BEDROOM. She wants out, she leaves. When she ask about your plans. DO NOT TELL HER. Use these phases often:

"I changed my mind"
"I have not decided yet"
"I am sorry you feel that way"

Choosing the other option and YOU moving out makes you look like a

[NotFromThesePart]

Joe,

I know very little but from my reading you are doing everything 1/2 @$$. You are saying you want a separation, not a divorce. You say you will be paying for two house payments, not one. . . .

I was a total jacka$$ in my marriage at times. I see that. I did stupid things, but those are IN THE PAST. The only way you can repay the debt to your marriage is by being a strong, good person now. If you move out due to your own guilt of past behavior, you are neither being fair to yourself nor are you being the strong confident leader of your family your W wants.

If you want your M, then stay in the marital house. If your W wants a D, then she should move out. Be kind, be strong, but stand your ground.

[JTJ]

If I get seperated I will have to pay her child support which equals the house payment. She refuses to go. I've been in Limbo for 18 months. Me refusing to leave and demanding to go is more of the same controlling behavior she has come to expect. If I stay she will just continue to go out and use me for baby sitting and for financial stability. If I go she has neither. I will also sell the house and she has to worry about where to go. If I stay she could ring my bell in court. I love my kids to much to put them through supervised visits and anything else the court would decide.

Joe

[pearlharbr]

JTJ, I support your decision. You've been in limbo far too long. If she refuses to leave then it is best that you go. You need some physical space to show her what D life looks like.

Do use the time and space to work on yourself. Going through this sucks so best to get something good out of it.

[NotFromThesePart]

"Ringing you bell" in court is a possibility. But that is independent of the house.

You could chose to get a life, start dating (or going to baseball games with buddies etc.) and let her be the baby sitter. Set up a schedule. You have 3 nights to go out and she has 3 and you are both home on 1.

I am not a lawyer, but once you leave, do you know that you could sell the house in a D settlement? Would a judge allow it?

It is tough. I know. You want to be the better person, the gentleman. But you have to protect yourself. Clearly 18 months is too long. Something has got to give. But why must you do ALL the giving?

[JTJ]

I've been down the road of going out. Dating is tough when I travel and have the kids when she works nights. She is done she has checked out. She feels she has gives the last 17 years and has nothing left to give. I don't want to live this way anymore either.

Jj

[TimeHeals]

I don't want to live this way anymore either

.

Then don't. Get a fitness routine, visit friends and relatives, read some books, update yourself.

[NotFromThesePart]

Or just put the house up for sale with both of you in it. That will be a good ticking time bomb. She'll have to react at some point ant it will hit her like a 2x4.