You are doing this in a balanced, measured way. We all cheer you on!
Yep,I'm on the cheering team with my pom-poms waving and I'm jumping around......but please don't ask me to do the splits! (Just trying to get a little 4:40 am humor going.)
I seriously am praying you have a good day,GW.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Nothing significant to report. She is in bad mood. Claims she doesn’t know why. Things suddenly tense with us again at least from the way she is acting around me. She was looking at places to live in craigslist again last night.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Thank you all. One of the few things I've learned to do pretty well is stay calm...or at least notice when I am losing calmness and get it back quickly.
Strong...not so sure on that one. I still feel somewhat weak. I haven't been able to detach and let go of the dream. And I still let her moods affect mine too much...
Thanks for all the kind words and prayers. And I love the attempts at cheerleader humor, I needed that this morning
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
W in a funk all evening. Conversation between us suddenly getting less and less. She has just about stopped all affection other than being held before going to sleep...
I let her mood affect me less than usual yesterday so that was a positive, knowing that is still a weakness of mine.
Time to bring up her IC again...don't think she will actually ge the help if I don't lead her there.
Like many others, Christmas time rough. My parents want to know if we are visiting, I've put all shopping/plans for W on hold, work wants to know if we plan on taking time off, etc...all tough when you really don't/can't look that far into the future
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
GW, time to lead. Make decisions and follow through on them, with or without your W. She is a basket case so tell her that you are going to make plans and she needs to let you know now if there's anything that should be considered as you make those plans. Refuse to live in limbo. Your W has put herself in that he!!, but you don't have to join her there. You have a life and your children have a life. Put stuff on the calendar and get on with it. Show your leadership and direction to yourself, your children, and your W. Christmas is a triggering time for many of us.
My advice is to seriously skip anything that smacks of duty and "should" this year and concentrate on old and new traditions that nourish you and your children. I started doing that a few years ago and it has transformed the xmas experience for me for the better. It still involves a lot of work, but it's not shopping, and card-sending work, or duty visits. It's creating memories that we will all cherish for the rest of our lives.
Good for you for detaching from her moods. It's actually more stressful for her when her being down triggers the same in you. Go for a run, have a beer with friends, soak in a hot tub. Do something that helps you feel good every day if you can. It might feel self-indulgent but sometimes stuff like that is emergency first aid.
(((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Only significant update from the day is W said to me: how about you find that good C you said you could find and we go from there. This was after last night when I told her that cost was no object for finding a experienced family therapist with a good track record of helping people in similar situations heal. And I also told her that I would not support paying for someone that would just make her feel good about running away from our family and M. It stung her a bit when I said it last night and she reacted a bit put off...24 hours later, I got the green light to find the right one and then she thanked me for being patient with her through this.
She was still in down/melancholy mood today.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Today I gave us both a bunch of space. She read a book most the day, I hung with the kids and did my own projects around the house. After kids in bed, she suggested we watch movie and go in hot tub...which we did...and it was after those things that I got the comments I just mentioned above
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
GW, keep taking things one day at a time. (((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
(Just trying to get a little 4:40 am humor going.)