Update by K4D

[K4D]

Things have become relatively stable lifewise short of being in a house. I am moving into a townhome next month which I am looking forward to versus being in an apartment. I have been at my job for over a year and doing well there. I have picked up some additional technical skills as well as become a much better networker and analyst. I organize and put together group lunches for team leads, management and directors to just get out of the office and have some fun now and then together. Financially I am doing better than ever before and I have savings and investments going.

I took my daughters with me on a road trip to north carolina for the Christmas holidays for a week and a half to see my sisters family as well as my dad. That went really well.

I have a pretty good group of friends that I get together to do things with pretty regularly. I was taking dance lessons and going dancing for a while, but have decided to pursue some new interests as of late.

The former alcoholic issues are long gone. I exercise quite a bit and try to stay involved with what is going on with my daughters as I still have them 50% of the time and don't foresee that changing. Weeks are busy when I have them due to both having homework and needing help most nights. I bought season passes for us to go to six flags for the summer. We did that last summer to and enjoyed it.

I'm an usher at church. I just got involved with toastmasters through my work not to long ago to help me out with my presentations. I have gotten back into following a couple of sports again. They may not seem like a big deal, but being the football fan that I was prior to this happening and then completely shutting down since and no longer caring, my interest has picked back up and I am enjoying football and basketball again.

I no longer need DB as a crutch in life. It was good for me to walk away for a while and just figure out how to live life again. Actually I'm not really sure what made me get on it tonight. Just had it pop in my mind and was curious I guess.

FaithfulH and I still get together now and then to do stuff. He and his family are doing well.

I'm planning a trip in the fall to Vegas with my dad and I am contemplating buying a house next year if everything goes well.

I'm in control of my life and it goes as I go.

A very small update on the sitch. W told me that she will be filing this summer "again". Whatever happens there happens. But interestingly we were spending a lot more time together prior to Christmas and what seemed like we were getting close again. Then without going into details, something was revealed to me by accident and I ended up pulling out of an event we were supposed to attend together for her. This sent her into a panic and we ended up having a long talk and she got emotional and told me she has considered coming back several times. I was shocked to hear that. She said I had made a lot of changes, but that she just couldn't get past the hurt of the past and that she can just never be with me again because of it. After the trip for the girls and I to north carolina without W, things kind of started to distance between us again. So she brought up the same question as before, do I want to be served or sign the waiver of service. Of course I said I will sign the waiver of service. I then told her as an FYI as soon as she divorces me, I plan to file for an annulment which I had already cleared with my priest and a canon lawyer by having them review the case, and that I intend to start dating again after that. She seemed a little shocked that I had already looked into it and started preparing for a future without her and the possibility of someone else in it. I told her that I prefer to be with her and work things out with her, but that if she doesn't want that, then I'll be moving along also once the D goes through.

Thanks for checking in on me 25 and I am glad to see things are still going good for you and your sitch.

K

[25yearsmlc]

I'm glad things are going well for you K4,

but that annulment things bothers me. Of course it's only your business and I get that.

It's the girls that concern me. Somehow, they have to be shielded from the idea that they are "illegitimate" if you get an annulment, b/c that says the marriage was never valid in the eyes of God.

Maybe the priest can help you with that, or a c. Someone, b/c I have a feeling your w might say something and if not her, someone in her family will make a cutting remark that could really sting them.

Be ready with a good answer; that's the only thing I worry about there.

Good luck, things sound good. Your post to Tipper was among your best!! Good stuff, good stuff.

[K4D]

Thanks 25. I have been thinking about that as well should it come to that and I will have a response ready.

K

[BeTheMan]

K4 - I've been around here for years and read lots of your posts in the past. Not sure I ever commented though. It's nice to know that someone who was so dedicated to saving his family, is doing well despite where things have gone. I consider you a success story. The success of K4D.

[K4D]

Thanks. I appreciate that.

K

[MrBond]

IMHO I agree with 25mlc. When you actively search for annulment of the M it does make it seem to your kids like they're "bastards" born out of wedlock. Have you talked to them about it?

[InAPickle]

FWIW.

I don't anticipate ever filing for an anullment unless by some freak chance I actually meet someone else after the D and by another freak chance I want to marry her. It seems like that would be insanity right now, because I cannot even look at a woman without thinking, "There's a midlife crisis waiting to happen - Ugh." Jaded of me I know; can't help it.

D-Day for me is tomorrow and it's going to take some miracle for me to ever jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Seriously though, I've studied the issue, and I don't see any grounds for having my marriage declared it was never really a marriage.

[25yearsmlc]

pickle,

k4 has his opinion and he's entitled to it. (K4, I'm NOT disagreeing with you b/c I don't want to argue this again. It's a personal thing you feel strongly about, and we all get that)

I couldn't do it and I know there are priests who will marry people who've not gotten annulments. Maybe it's a regional thing.

This, i KNOW b/c I attended my own brother's wedding and both he and his wife were entering their 2nd m's and both had children from their first m's...

and there was a full Mass w/communion, and neither my brother nor his wife had gotten their first m's annulled.

Neither my brother nor his wife were previously m to Catholics, so maybe they could have gotten annulments and that helped.... Who knows? They didn't care about it and didn't want to deal with the children's issues that would ensue.

Pickle, please don't despair too much. This is a tough time for you...there are a lot of women on this board so you know that many of them really wanted their m's saved and didn't "deserve" to be left. They're good people. Don't assume most or even many women, are like your w....

If you learn what you need to learn from this experience, and become the best man you can become, you'll be able to attract & find a woman who has done the same...

I know you don't want to think that way now. I get that. But IF your m isn't saved, IF...

well, that does not mean you will always be alone.

Don't let your w taint the rest of us. More fish in the sea and all that...but being gun shy right now, makes sense. I get it. Just don't forget reality. There IS hope.

good luck
OOOPS sorry for the hijack K4...I thought this was pickle's...yikes!

[Drew]

An annulment does NOT make your children illegitimate.