I was reading the site when we started having serious problems, and it helped me respond to everything calmly and get through my divorce with little rancor.
When I think back, my ex-husband was probably involved with his new girlfriend at the end of 2008. In January of 2009, he got drunk one night and told me that he considered us "already divorced", which hurt like a knife to the gut. But things got better until last summer, when he started being very distance, was constantly texting or on the computer, and started getting very defensive.
I started counseling last July to learn how to better communicate with someone who took every statement I made as an attack. It definitely disarmed him, but he was unhappy, and I couldn't do anything. At the time, I wasn't yet aware that he had an online girlfriend, although she was a constant presence in the background - every time his phone beeped or he got an e-mail. I think I was choosing to ignore it.
We went on vacation with his sister and her family, and he was just a non-entity. He couldn't go to the beach with us because he was texting and he needed to keep his phone plugged in.
When we got home from vacation, we found our house was infested with fleas (my sister brought was housesitting with her dog), so we stayed in a hotel for a night, and had a big talk. I thought things were going to get better, but the next day, he said he had to see how things would work out with his girlfriend, so he went to spend a week with her.
When he came home, I told him that we could work on things, that I could forgive him, but he had to immediately cease all contact with his girlfriend and engage in some radical honesty. He wouldn't, so I made my choice and filed.
But I really do think that all the advice I read here helped me get through the whole thing without letting anger guide my decisions. We got divorced without using lawyers, we wrote our divorce agreement together, and while we still have little bumps in the road, we are coping with our marriage of 21 years being over.
So, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone here for all the advice that I never thanked you for while I was going through everything, and that life after divorce can be fulfilling and rewarding and exciting, even though there is a loss.
Glad to hear that you have come out of this so well. i am in a similar sitch. and it is pure hell. Unfortunately I don't think we will be able to break up so amicably. I think it is going to get very ugly for me before it gets better so you should take great pride in the fact that you were able to sort things out in such a mature way.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
