I am a DB'er who was here a LOT for awhile, and still peek my head in. I saw your name, and was immediately drawn to read your sitch! Not sure where you are, but I'm just South of the IL border.
I have a lot of comments re: infidelity, but not a lot of time right now. I live in a neighborhood where most of the husband's are MD's, and my best friends are their wives. That is not an easy role. Especially, if he's specialized...
I spent TOO LONG trying to Divorce Bust, but it had to be in MY time that I dealt w/the affair (emotionally), and moved on (mentally). I'm glad I did it, but I feel like part of the 2 1/2 years I put into the effort was for naught.
I think I have a clinically depressed (or just plain whacked) STBX, as well, but he will NEVER go to see a doctor about it, nor would he even consider counseling. You have that on your side!!!
First things first... make sure that affair is handled appropriately. You can't do anything w/the two of you until that and/or any others, is dealt with.
I'll be back.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
He is specialized, but we live in a very diverse neighborhood, so nobody really knows or cares what is going on. I guess my main concern is the EA has has been having for about five years. They started right after our daughter was born and I just ignored it, moved up here from Madison when he got out of residency, and have continued to ignore it and his increased drinking until I finally caught him cheating, physically.
He feels bad about what he has done, but I can't see how he will change now that he has been caught. He says he likes being on his own but I can't stand to see our family ruined. Michele says stuff about the family unit being destroyed and it's true. I cry thinking about holidays, birthdays, and the future, especially since I don't want any of this.
I am giving it until September 30, when his lease ends. If he needs more time, he'll have to get a year lease and we'll have to work out the childcare arrangements. I don't want to consult a lawyer so soon and I want him to continue to get IC. Hopefully his meds will kick in and he'll see reason, but I can't count on that.
I just want this nightmare to end.
Me: 34 H: 34 S: 8 D: 5 M: 10 yrs T: 12 yrs Affair: 7-1-10 (lasted 2 months, I caught him by reading emails, there was no sign of stopping until I caught him) S: 7-16-10
I would suggest seeing a counselor. It is good to find someone that you can completely open up too and hear an honest reply. It is hard to get that from family and friends. 1) You don't want to tell them everythingand 2) they will already be biased.
I was not a particularly religious person before my sitch either. However, you will find that a lot of things will be out of your control. Religion helped me let those things go; helped me have faith that things occur for a reason.
Are you getting out and being with people? Running, cycling and especially swimming can be quite isolative. If you are like me, you may be looking for a cave to crawl in. However, it was companionship with friends that improved my mood. Keep up the excercise though and good luck with the races.
Hi again. Just read your last post; what meds is he on? For how long? I wouldn't count on them helping much. Getting the meds correct for someone with bipolar depression is much more difficult than yor normal clinical depression.