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"Esox, in my case neglect is one of the things she claims, but also told me to stop being nice, don't do anything sweet, no compliments, etc. So what is one to do?"

Ok. Then treat her as you would a friend. Listen to her when she talks to you. Don't try to solve her problems if she presents one, just listen.

As pinhead said, pay attention to her. Be fully there when you do happen to spend time together. Don't try to hug her, or get in relationship talks either.

Look carefully at what hasn't worked for you and stop doing those things.


I'm a man . . .
But I can change . . .
If I have to . . .
I guess . . .

The Man's Prayer - Red Green
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The trick if no 3rd party is involved is to teach yourself the 4 steps of listening.

1. Shut up and listen!! Dont interupt.
2. Mirroring - Repeat back to them what they are saying. "So I hear you saying...."
3. Validate - "I can understand why you would feel like that..."
4. Empathy - "Now that you say it like that I would have felt the same way..."

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dsh4320 Offline OP
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I know pin, I did book her a massage and facial for the hell of it. If it doesn't show her something then oh well.

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Is there OM in the picture?


M & H: 40
M: 5.5 T: 7.5
OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09
Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10

still m'd, unsure how to procede

Soapie:
1: http://tinyurl.com/vulcanized1
2: http://tinyurl.com/vulcanized2
3: http://tiny.com/vulcanized3
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And are W's complaints anything she voiced pre-bomb? Or were these things only brought to your attention at bomb drop?


M & H: 40
M: 5.5 T: 7.5
OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09
Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10

still m'd, unsure how to procede

Soapie:
1: http://tinyurl.com/vulcanized1
2: http://tinyurl.com/vulcanized2
3: http://tiny.com/vulcanized3
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dsh4320 Offline OP
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Hi all,

There is no OM, and I have always been kinda a mans man, not much of an affectionate guy. So I guess the issues are that I have been neglecting her, and need to show some love(in a detaching way).

The W has buried herself with her family, our kids and 2 jobs. She has completely kept herself as busy as possible to remove herself from this. Sh ealso says she is not sleeping at all. I do not follow her around or bug her so it cant be me i guess keeping her from sleep.

She says she is paranoid around me, worried about her every move and how I will react. SHe says she has noticed changes in me, but does not believe they will stick, that is my M.O, work on changes and go back to the way it was.

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Quote:
She says she is paranoid around me


So I suppose getting together to start your own paint-ball team is out of the question?


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
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dsh4320 Offline OP
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TH,

That would be funny, yes out of the question on the paintball team.

I did speak with my L today, I am going to represent myself at the first hearing, with our first S I was awarded full custody, so I do have that in my court. My plan if it gets to that is to ask the Judge for custody on a 50/50 format, no child support either way and we split the assets down the middle. If that is not acceptable I will ask for a continuence to hire an attorney. I do not want to retain one at a couple grand right now, the papers I was served with are not asking for a whole lot, she is not trying to rake me over the coals.

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went to celebrate recovery at church tonight. I am a newcomer so I sat with some of the organizers and discssed my issues. It was nice to get to talk about them without having to pay someone to listen and offer some feedback. I saw the W for about 2 seconds today and the only thing she brought up was the fact she was not notified by the bank about the pending foreclosure. I simply said would it have mattered? she said guess not. so not much conversation today at all.

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helped put the kids to bed, W obviously got the card, which was pretty much a card that spoke of things in the past cannot be undone, the fact I reflect on problems and apologize for the hurting it caused. the end of the card says I love you and always will. She was given a single red rose and a gift card for a facial and back treatment. I gave it with no expectations, a little worried she was going to flip out about the cost, or say something like dont do things like that. Neither happened. She looked very tired, she was lying on the bed with our D falling asleep on her chest. She looked at me and said she is asleep. I walked over and picked our D up rocked her a bit and laid her down in her bed. W looked at me while I did this, got up and went in her room.

I finally have my laptop back and can type and journal from bed. I did not say anything about the gift, and I will not bring it up, again no expectations.

I tried something different, against Robx's advice which is probably why he isnt posting on my thread anymore frown Our S pciked up the rose and said "mommy where did you get this from'? W says Daddy gave it to mommy.

So for now nothing really changed, still have time on my side.

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