FFH: I know, it's hard. I'm still living with H too. He is not dating, and we are still sleeping in the same bed even.
One thing that might help you is to stop calling H a "friend." How many of your other friends do you go to sleep with?
Surely you can be friendly with him, but to call him a friend is a bit dishonest. And I think it will backfire in the long run, esp if your "friend" suddenly gets a girlfriend who is not you. Then he might not be as interested in sharing a bed.
See? It's hard but another word might help you out to make peace with the situation.
FFH: I know, it's hard. I'm still living with H too. He is not dating, and we are still sleeping in the same bed even.
One thing that might help you is to stop calling H a "friend." How many of your other friends do you go to sleep with?
Surely you can be friendly with him, but to call him a friend is a bit dishonest. And I think it will backfire in the long run, esp if your "friend" suddenly gets a girlfriend who is not you. Then he might not be as interested in sharing a bed.
See? It's hard but another word might help you out to make peace with the situation.
Well...right now he's NOT a friend! LOL And yeah - I know it's weird given our situation that we're still sleeping together. It's a big bed and believe me, he hugs that mattress as close to the edge as he can, lol. Make no mistake, there's nothing going on but sleeping. Well, after I learned that he was not seriously looking to work on the R, sex stopped. He still chooses to come to bed and go to sleep though, rather than sleeping elsewhere in the house. (I'm sure not getting out of my bed!)
Of course, we are going on this weekend thing for couples in crisis next weekend. Right now, it's like everything is on hold. What happens after this weekend, the friend issue and everything else, hinges on how we come back next Sunday night!
My WAW gives me the friends line all the time. I geuss that she has forgot all the lies and crap she has done. I deal with her for the kids and financial issues now. I tried to be her friend but it was better just to move on.
I can be "friendly," and I am concerned for my wife. She's feeling a lot of stress over our R, and our daughters are acting up because of the tension. This adds to my wife's guilt and stress. Her normal inclination is to suck it up, so abandoning me is hard on her; she feels like a failure.
But, and a big but. She knows she wants out, but is scared of being alone, of being responsible for coparenting, for a million things.
I will continue to be her friend, for the simple fact that she's helping to raise my two daughters. Being mean, or petty, or vindictive will only hurt my daughters.
The three things she described as attractive in me when we first met were that I gave her lots of attention, that I was smart, and that I was kind. If I'm ever going to win her back, it'll be because of those traits.
I can't give her the same attention, she simultaneously wants it from me, but also doesn't. She doesn't trust anyone anymore, doesn't believe in romance...
I think whether this 'friends' thing works or not depends largely on how much trust you have left with your spouse.
I've seen it work with a couple I'm close to... but there was no infidelity involved. Just remained friends as they've known each other for so long, at times hanging out together. At one time H was in a very short R with someone else. Their friendship grew intimate again and they got back together a year later.
They didn't know anything about DB, so it's not that they applied any 'techniques'.
My H asked to remain friends as well but it makes me a bit sick... he was verbally abusive and 'friends' sounded like it is to serve his purpose of being let off the guilt. So much easier to detach when you're not friends anyway.
