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Thought I would start a NEW thread...SOMETHING HAS CHANGED...First HAPPY 4th to everyone and PLEASE play safe...
Tomorrow Son and I leave on our annual Father and son Retreat to Eureka Calf.....
This is my first week off from school in two months. I received a letter from the dean congratulating me on my 100% attendance...
I have to admit that something just does not feel right. I can't put my finger on it. I have No desire to buy fireworks this year, (no money anyway) and I am not really excited about our trip. I am sure I will have a great time once we get started…but I just have “that feeling”…something in the world is out of balance.

OK READY FOR THIS……. W informed me that while son and I are gone she is moving BACK into our room. laugh She told me she is not ready for sex yet and it has nothing to do with me. She said she feels bad about her body, her lack of job… she is getting terrible headaches. I asked her if she has seen a doctor about the headaches. She told me that we don’t have the money. I told her money is not a problem when it comes to my family’s health and to go see one.
She also informed me that she does not like getting pat on her butt or groping...she’s said it’s her body and she feels like it is invading her space. (Not her exact words but I think you know what I mean.) She told me that the OM is over. I have nothing to worry about.
She also told me she does not like the pictures I put up of her in OUR bedroom, she likes the car pictures (my uncles 1956 Chevy that I hope to inherit) but wants to put back the picture she had there and will find another place to put up my car picture. I told her no problem as long as she moved back I don’t need the pictures to remind me of her. I hugged her and told her I loved her so much. She said she knows but has a hard time saying those words. I told her I know. (Only other person I ever heard her say it to was our son)
So how do I feel? Not sure... like I said I had this “feeling” before she told me about moving back. But I guess this is a step in the right direction. In 12 more days is our wedding anniversary...
Hard to believe what two years ago when this started at this time we were staying at our time share. (Sleeping is separate rooms) and I made her escargot for dinner and ate it myself… YUCK… The next anniversary I hiked to the top of bridal Vail falls in Yosemite just to get a double hernia...


This year……………………


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Just read this in today's scope....

Pisces

Something is about to change, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is today. Meanwhile, your emotions are raw and you are tired. You're on edge because you cannot express what you feel. Instead of trying to describe your perspective now, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. If necessary, you can always explain yourself later on.


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Quote:
In 12 more days is our wedding anniversary...
Hard to believe what two years ago when this started at this time we were staying at our time share. (Sleeping is separate rooms) and I made her escargot for dinner and ate it myself… YUCK… The next anniversary I hiked to the top of bridal Vail falls in Yosemite just to get a double hernia...


Maybe the funny feeling means you are constipated. sick When was the last time your funny feeling was an omen for something bad? And maybe, you should not try for the big display this anniversary. Doesn't sound like the last two were too successful. In the meantime, you may not have won any battles, but you are winning the war. So go have a good time with your son and when you come back, there will be a woman in your bed!

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I agree with Lotus. Use this anniversary to show compassion and appreciation for your W decision to try to go down this road with you. Don't expect or plan for any monumental change in her behavior. I dont think think she is ready for an elaborate anniversary display yet. In fact she may be expecting/dreading it given your situation. Congrats these are steps in the right direction!

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Thanks everyone,

Well that "feeling" is gone... In fact yesterday seems like a dream. I had to read it here today to make sure it really happened. And you are right about this anniv. If anything at all I may ask W what she would like to do.
YES I found the crack in her wall. Now what I need to do is keep on working on it SLOOOOWly until the wall is gone before she even realizes it.
I know "WE" are not there yet. But I do think this is a big step for wife. My next move is to get her to open up more, Talk to me more about HER feelings. AND I need to keep my mouth shut a little more about mine. These last two years I have expressed my feeling over and over I think she knows them by now.
Hope everyone had a great 4th. I counted this morning and son and I still have all our fingers. (I was missing a leg but then I remembered I had already lost that before last night grin)
Well have to finish packing the jeep we leave in about 2 hours. Next time you hear from me we will have arrived.
Later
Doc


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Doc,
I'm impressed with your W's honesty. I would fall out of my chair if my W ever said something so honest and intimate. Moving back in the bedroom is a significant step forward.

I would be thinking about how you can help her be more proud of her body. I know you have some physical limitations, but options still exist.

In my case, I'm the one that is more organized and disciplined, so provide the reminders to attend exercise classes twice per week. Once she's there, she's glad she came. I let her know about the tone I'm seeing develop from the classes.

I know that ultimately she's responsible for her own health and body image, but if there's something you can say or do (probably repeatedly), than provide the influence to move her in the direction she wants to go (teaching a child to ride a bicycle).

CL


CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching
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Thanks CL,
Ya I have not left yet....

I think more on the iine of going for walks "togeter" after dinner..and such would be more in line. "reminding" her of her exercise class would actualy be a negative in her mind. Now everyonce in a while asking her if she is going today well that would be ok.

Ok got a go finish.. Son and W are STILL in bed..Need to get son up. The one good thing about son liking to sleep in is I can do homework durring the morning while he is sleeping..

Got ta gp
Doc


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Been keeping an eye on ya', Doc. You have done yeoman's work, and your patience is off the charts. The W moving back into the BR is a huge milestone.

Keep up the good work, bro'. You make us proud!


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Nocode.
"Been keeping an eye on ya'"

THANKS I need it. The trip went well so far. Weather her is not so great. Litle windy. We went out for a little but never made it to the water becasue the tide was too high and didn't want to get trapped on the wrong side of the dune.

I am having a trust issue with wife right now. I am going to try to just go with the flow..
Remember She has been a differant person for the last two years. You can forgive all you want but trust needs to be earned.

Doc


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Baby steps. Gotta love 'em!

Hang in there Doc! smile


Thread #10
22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07
Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
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