My Wife is Having an Affair with Co-Worker

[wanttobebetter]

Wanttobebetter,

Really? How does this help them to not face the consequences of their actions?

Because they don't have to deal with it when they are pre-occupied with someone else. The next best thing is always around the corner...messed up thought process.

Are you and your W still together? Yes

Did your W finally stop her affairs? Yes - but it took getting to the lowest point in her life to get there. Her whole world crashed down on her (relationships, work, personal life). She is wiser for it and I definitely am. To live through the experience will teach you a lot about your spouse and yourself. You are going through some of the darkest days of your life. Keep moving forward, stay on this board and listen to the advice you are given.

I will have to look for your sitch.

Thank you so much for explaining to me some of the reasons she is doing what she is doing.

I am trying to pay it forward. While things are really good now, I had some real bad days when I didn't know what was up and down. This place helped me keep my sanity and made me a wiser person. Good luck.

[LSG]

Hi SunnyD,

You are right about her trying to control the R. She asked again about the insurance, and it started an argument. I let myself get pulled down that path.

I argued about other things I knew I should not about the affair and our marriage.

She said it is my fault because I don't have a job and other things. She would not tell me what I did. She said I am the reason she cheated. I need to take responsiblity for what I did. I told her to tell me what I did, and I would take responsibility for it. I told her I would not taeke responsibility for the A.

[LSG]

I told her she needs to think about the kids and what D will do to theme. I also told her that there is nothing I did to justify her having an affair. I told her that an A is selfish, and it is just running away from her problems.

I said that I will not change anything right now because she has lied about so many things that I do not trust her.

I did not handle things very well last night.

[LSG]

Wanttobebetter,

Thanks for telling about your sitch. I am glad you have had success here. I wish my sitch was going better.

Thanks again.

[SunnyD]

Sounds like you let your emotions get the best of you. We all make mistakes in this process, so don't beat yourself up. You do need to take note of how it got you nowhere, though, and learn from that. While you did make some valid points with W (and glad you didn't let her push you around in blaming you for the A!) it just doesn't do any good to argue with someone who is not going to be reasonable or emotionally mature. It just makes you crazy!

Think about how you should have acted - what the better response would've been. That way you'll know better next time what to do with yourself and be prepared for the emotions that sparked it all.

[LSG]

SunnyD,

I should have kept it short and sweet and to the point. It just so frustrates me that she does not get it, and she make me out to be the bad guy.

I do not what more I could have done in the M. How do I know if I could have done better if she does not tell me.

It always sounds like she is justifying the A and blaming me for her doing it. I just do understand the mentality she has right now.

Thanks for the response.

[wanttobebetter]

You say she doesn't get it....well probably not but they are at least watching your actions. On top of that, should not matter...you cannot control what she gets, only how you act and react.

I also felt like I could not figure out what I didn't do right in the marriage.

Someone has to be blamed....going to be you!!!

Seriously, my wife said all kinds of mean, horrible things that she later could not even remember saying and for the things she did remember - felt horrible for saying them.

[LSG]

I had a job interview today!

Recruiter said, "you are so relaxed today." I was very relaxed and prepared for the interview. I was interviewed by four people, and it was so fun for me today. I had no nerves. I went to be hired, and I am sure I will. I was the first interviewee they had, so I think there will be 3 or 4 more. I am not worried about them. I am the person that they will hire. Confidence!!!

W seemed to be wondering why I was dressed up and looking so sharp today. I felt so good and ready for anything. I guess I can be relaxed around other people because I put up with so much crap at home. Nothing will ever bother me again. It was like a holiday. I was without W and the kids. I love the kids, but it was nice to be by myself today.

It was a good day.

[SunnyD]

Awesome! Good luck with that. It's great to escape outside our worlds at times and gain some perspective and PMA!

[LSG]

SunnyD,

You are so right! I meet with OMW to exchange some info. with her tomorrow. She will confront her H soon I hope.

LSG