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Originally Posted By: The Wifey
You'll be the first to know. I've already got some coping strategies, because my son and I have always said we had SFB. (Shinola for Brains.) Related to CRS (Can't Remember Shinola). My biggest is I have index cards all of the house and in the car. I live by my list. If it isn't on the list it won't get done. I even have to list feed the birds or they would starve!


Oh, my goodness. You and I are soooooooo alike. I used to do note cards and things like that, and I still use sticky notes on doorknobs, light switches, steering wheel, computer screen, or on top of my keys for the REALLY important things.

One of the best things I did for myself was purchase a small spiral notebook that I keep in my purse. EVERY LIST I need is in it. Calls to return, grocery lists, bills to pay, things to do, gifts I've purchased for people for Christmas (I now have the past four Christmases in there), ideas for gifts, and any other thing you can turn into a list. The notebook stays in my purse, so it's with me when I'm out. It has cut down on my losing lists or misplacing information. Everything is in one place!

The greatest victory of all is that after four years, I haven't lost the notebook!

Don't be ashamed of what you put on the list. Sometimes I put "shower" on there. I like being able to check off something I've done.

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Ken62,

I would recommend the book. It is actually very hard for me to read, because it paints a pretty brutal picture of what it is like to live with a person with undiagnosed ADD. It was written by a woman that runs an online support group for spouses of ADD partners.

This weekend was a rough one. It seems that everything I thought was getting better he says isn't. I am still pushing his buttons. I still drive him crazy. I start on my meds today. I didn't even fill the script yet, but it is first on my list. I have no idea if it will help, but I know I have to try.

This weekend was actually bad enough that I came so close to just giving up. Two years + after the first bomb and he still says the same things. I can't even focus on the sitch, instead I have to focus on the ADD and what I need to do.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Thanks Number 8. A notebook wouldn't work for me. The notecards fit in my purse and pocket. I keep as small a purse as possible so I don't fill it up with junk.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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This was a hard weekend. After a very relaxing and enjoyable family picnic we returned home. We'd been very close and comfortable and then the H took a BIG step back.

I am still loved, but as family, like a sister. I only imagined things were getting better - per h. The ADD is only one more piece of a complicated puzzle. We are still working on being friends and reconnecting. That hasn't happened yet. If he had the choice he would choose an amicable divorce. For now it is one day at a time.

He said and I quote, "You are looking at me. I am here. We are living under the same roof. I am not leaving. (Left unstated if that could change in the future. Who knows?) We are taking it one day at a time. You aren't alone. I do love and care for you. Concentrate on what we have rather than what isn't."

There were tears and it was hard. I'm still processing, but it feels like more of the same rodeo. I start my meds for the ADD today and I can only put one foot in front of the other. I am not at the same place I was two years ago with the first bomb. I am stronger and I have my head up.

I am focused on me, which is the only place I can right now. Time to focus, time to read, and high time to go fishing.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Hi Wifey

I guess the question for you is whether what you have is enough, and if it isn't whether things are likely to change.

I am not expecting you to respond to that question. You may already have reached your answer.

Wishing you the best,

Kara


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Instead of fishing go dancing. Better for your mojo. Friends and family you got. Why are you still the only one in the M working on the puzzle? How's SMW?


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Originally Posted By: kara
Hi Wifey

I guess the question for you is whether what you have is enough, and if it isn't whether things are likely to change.

I am not expecting you to respond to that question. You may already have reached your answer.

Wishing you the best,

Kara


What we have is a deep friendship and caring. I have no idea whether it is likely to change. I know that it may just be too late and too much hurt and chaos for it to get better.

I love you as family is better than I hate you and never want to see you again. Working on our friendship one day at a time is better than him turning his back.

I am good. I'm strong. Sad sometimes, but I bounce back. Believe it or not that is an ADD trait.

I believe DB always says to focus on yourself and your healing first. I have to do that more now than ever before.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Originally Posted By: Coach
Instead of fishing go dancing. Better for your mojo. Friends and family you got. Why are you still the only one in the M working on the puzzle? How's SMW?


SMW is keeping her head up. H came to the daughter's graduation. I have to check in with her because its been a rare couple of weeks that we haven't talked.

I love to dance. But I can tell you how it revs up my mojo to pull in a big trophy bass! Thankfully I have time to do BOTH for double the mojo.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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I just wanted to pass along to anyone that is reading here about the ADD thing that there is a website dedicated to ADD and its affects on marriage. You can find it here:

http://www.adhdmarriage.com/

I hope the link works, else you can copy and paste it into your browser.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Also, take a look at this article about 6 signs that ADD is affecting your marriage.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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