I know I haven't been on here much of late. I thought after the events of the last couple of weeks I would let my friends (DB family) know some of what is going on.
The last couple of weeks I had a few doctor's appointments. Two of those appointments were with a psychologist for evaluation. The result is that I have been diagnosed with adult ADD. Not the ADHD hyperactive kind, but the inattentive kind.
I had no idea and have only begun self-education on the subject. As it turns out it is very commonly not diagnosed until a relationship or marriage is about to end because of the chaos it causes in a relationship. And, it is far more common in women than previously thought.
We - yes, my H and I both, are reading a book titled, "Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficite Disorder" by Gina Pera. It is amazing to me how often my H or I have said, "Oh!" (Emphasis added.)
Reading this book, and a few others on the topic, is giving us both a new perspective. He is looking at me with a different lense. I am finding myself described nearly to a T. ADD is not an excuse, but for the first time it is an explanation.
Anyhow, I thought I would let everyone know. I would also ask anyone here to consider the possibility that they, or a spouse, or both of you, might just be ADD. So many of the effects on a relationship are dead on with the common descriptions of marriage problems.
Inattention. Forgeting discussions you have. Appearing uncaring, self-centered, in your own world, and selfish when the exact opposite is actually true. Not following through. Inconsistency in how you parent. Financial issues. Addictive behaviors. Getting on the computer and the next thing you know hours have passed and important things you meant to get done, didn't. I could go on, but you get the picture. No one has all of the hallmarks.
For now I am good. My H is still learning and, I think, trying to adjust to the idea that some of my actions that upset or hurt him were unconscious. He told me he wouldn't be here if he didn't love me. Its still one day at a time, but he is reaching out for me more than he has in so long. It feels good and I am hopeful.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
It is so good to hear that your husband does love you. I have wondered for a few years now if I was depressed or what but I know I have gotten worse in the last 4 years. What you describe here could be my problem. I am guessing that the doc will be prescribing medication?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I don't think you know me well if you think that offended me. LOL. The psychologist is recommending a trial of a stimulant med. For now we have me taking my welbutrin 3 x a day. I was taking it 2 x a day. It is an antidepression med but they also use it for adult ADD because it increases the production of seritonin, as that is impaired in adults with ADD.
I have been given book recommendations that I am reading for self-education and also for my H to get educated. There are adult ADD support groups and support groups for spouces of people with ADD, but I don't know if any are in my area. I haven't looked, but its a sure bet there would be on online. There seems to be one for everything else, even The OW.
Meds are recommeded but don't help everyone. Mostly its learning, slowing down, simplifying your life, and adopting coping strategies. Just reading the few books I have so far has resulted in a lot of "Oh, that's why I do xyz."
Its worth exploring if you think there is any indication for yourself.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Yes, My older brother was diagnosed with it but he seems to be much more "space cadet" than I am. Maybe I will start by looking up some books on it. I am an artist type so I always thought that was just the way I was but I can tell that I worse than I was when I was younger.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Wifey, we have quite a commonality--I have ADD, too (actually titled by my doctor as ADHD-Inattentive). I have been medicated for more than a decade, and I'm a much better person for it!
In theory, my H understands ADD, but I don't think he fully understands how it affects so many aspects of my life (or our former life together). Even with medication, my limitations are not completely resolved, and I'm afraid he thinks they should be. I also don't think that he can see that he probably has some ADD, too, though his is more along the impulsive plus inattentive lines.
ADD caused significant difficulties for me as a child and as a teenager, but I developed some excellent coping mechanisms. Finally, more than 10 years ago, the intense stress of a family issue caused a "break" in me that necessitated pharmaceutical help. The medication made all the difference in the world for me, and I'm happier knowing that I'm capable of functioning like others around me.
Welcome to the club, and please let me know if you ever have questions or just want to talk about things. Hang in there!
Oh, there's another great book, too--it's called Driven to Distraction. Check it out if you haven't already.
That was the first book I read, also Married to Distraction (which is not just about ADD), and now I'm working my way through the one I mentioned. When I am done I am going to read ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life.
I'll keep an eye out for you Number 8. Thanks.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
It sounds like you are really doing your research on the topic! I'm like that, too. I love to research and read up on things, but I have to make sure that I don't hyper-focus (which I've done thousands of times). After you read the one about organizing your life, I'd love to know if you recommend it.
You'll be the first to know. I've already got some coping strategies, because my son and I have always said we had SFB. (Shinola for Brains.) Related to CRS (Can't Remember Shinola). My biggest is I have index cards all of the house and in the car. I live by my list. If it isn't on the list it won't get done. I even have to list feed the birds or they would starve!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Hi Wifey, you were diagnosed the day my D was final. My XW was diagnosed several years ago and participated in a study for medicine. She was on Adarol(sp?) I think and she really liked it but the only problem was that she couldn't sleep very well.
During the stress of the last year she was getting worse and worse and blaming it on the fact that her Welbutron was not working. Our doctor would NOT prescribe Redalin and I'm not sure what she is on now but it doesn't seem to be working because of all the stress of the situation that she has put herself in.
I would appreciate it if you would read my sitch if you get a chance and let me know if there is something I should be doing to help me understand what has happened the past year. I don't blame her ADD for what happened to us but it could have been a factor. Would you recommend your current book to me as a good place to start?
Thanks and I hope your sitch continues to improve now that you have even more knowledge! (Knowledge is Power!)
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
