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#2014361 06/03/10 05:41 PM
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I could use some input here. My wife told me that if i wanted a chance to fix things she needed space to think and wanted me to "move some of my stuff" out of the house on 2/28/10. I took enough things to get me by. About 2 weeks into the separation I got the following email: (I think itís only fair for you to know how Iím feeling. I can not find one ounce of trust or forgiveness in my body and Iím not sure that I really want to. If I wasnít pregnant I would be pursuing a divorce now. So I just want you to be prepared for that outcome this fall. I want to remain totally civil to each other and I would like to try to work out the details of separating things so that we will both be happy. I know this is not what you wanted to hear but this is how is has to be. This doesnít mean that you canít come see Son in the evenings or mornings anymore, I just wanted you to know how I feel.)

This is pretty much still where we are at now 3 mts later. I was just throwing this out here looking for some honest opinions / feedback as to if anyone thinks its possible be given the gift of a possible R after an extended amount time of the BS not wanting that to happen at all?

Last edited by MESSIMADE; 06/03/10 05:42 PM.

Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
MESSIMADE #2014366 06/03/10 05:50 PM
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Im guessing that the pros are going to ask for a bit of backstory here as you have left out alot of information.
What happened to cause her to have these feelings? Have you done anything to rectify that? Have you read DR/DB yet?

"feedback as to if anyone thinks its possible be given the gift of a possible R after an extended amount time of the BS not wanting that to happen at all?"

Anything is possible, but there are no guarentees to anything in life. And Im almost 100% certain everyone here would tell you the same thing. It kind of all boils down to the end when things dont turn out/do turn out the way we want them that we know deep inside that we gave everything.


M:40
W:40
D: 21
S: 18
D: 17
Md: 18 years
-1/19/2010 W wants out
-6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Wired #2014409 06/03/10 07:01 PM
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I was introduced to my wife by her father 8/24/01. Prior to that I had been in a 5 year long relationship that ended in the summer of 2000. In between that time I was a broken individual, I allowed myself to become sexually involved with a married former friend. I knew that it was wrong, but I didn't do better. I was trying to end this and then I met my wife and it did end then. My wife and I fell in love, we were head over heals. Then the bomb dropped. OW finds out she is pregnant and eludes that child might be mine. (Finally found out for sure from her in summer of 2009 that child is not mine) Before wife and I got married on 6/26/04 I told her what had been going on. Looking back I realized this changed our relationship forever b/c we never really dealt with things, just kept moving on with the plans we had made-marriage children ect. FF to Feb 2007. OW contacts me to "congradulate" me on wife being pregnant. Should have never took that call. She re-dangled the O child at me. We had some sporatic communication and she became my "friend" again. My marriage was not what I would call perfect and my wife and I basically just kept plugging along, but started living like roomates. That's what allowed the OW to become my "friend" again. As I said it was sporatic communication that started to increase until 3/09/09. That was the day that my wife found cell records that I had been talking to OW alot more than sporatic. We had become "best friends" we thought. Wife tells me no more communication whatsoever. I agree b/c I love my wife and want to make it work. Then the next bomb hits. OW plays suicide card on me and I fall for it. At first I don't believe she is, but I do research and realize she has all the signs that you can find on the net that she is serious about this. Well I have already messed up b/c I was to have no contact of wife was done, but now it is worse b/c I cant live with a suicide on my shoulders. I keep thinking that this will go away with time and actually it only gets worse. OW knows that I am hosed at home if I come clean and ditch her, and I'm hosed if she does harm herself. I'm in a corner and the only thing I can think to do is to try to keep her happy and hopefully she will give up and move on if i keep breaking promises to her. Finally I cant stand doing this to my wife, son and unborn child anymore and I come clean to her on 2/25/10. I did enough to sink my own ship that I didn't need any help, but to make matters worse OW fabricated stories to make the EA into a PA and my wife believes them. There was no sex involved and wife believes this, but OW says there was oral sex and wife believes this. One day after I sent NC letter to OW she came to my work and told me "you do know that your wife believes everything I tell her" and gave me that look that she would stop at nothing to ruin my life. I actually have one email left from her says that she is going to hurt me throught my wife, hurt me through my son, and hurt me through her and I would be hearing more about it as the night went on (suicide that I stopped by telling her sister). I think that catches everyone up to my original post and the mess I made.


Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
MESSIMADE #2014421 06/03/10 07:21 PM
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One suggestion...

Break up your story with paragraphs. I couldn't read that whole block of text.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
MrBond #2014434 06/03/10 07:39 PM
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Sorry I'll try to fix that. Thanks


Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
MESSIMADE #2014462 06/03/10 09:19 PM
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Looks like I cant go back and edit my post any longer. Sorry I was rambling and just wrapped up in getting my story out to you guys.

I forgot to add that I am totally tranparent, been in IC and trying to dig deep into what was/is wrong with me that I allowed myself to do this. I have had some light bulb moment. I know our marriage could never be the same as it was and to be perfectly honest I don't want the same marriage. I want a better one. I know now that marriage needs to be about giving and I was a taker. I also know that our marriage was sabatoged by me in the beginning.

I just know I need help or my marriage will end in D shortly after the birth of my second child if something doesn't change. I am trying everything I can think of, but what I'm doing isn't working and I need help so bad. I miss my wife, I miss holding her hand, I miss her warming her feet on my back, I miss talking to her, I miss the life we should be having together.


Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
MESSIMADE #2014504 06/03/10 10:12 PM
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copy & paste it into the reply box & then edit it

Last edited by Bridgestone; 06/03/10 10:12 PM.

Divorced 03/2010
Mom to two amazing kids

Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.

http://tinyurl.com/ybqkan8 = Current Thread

MESSIMADE #2014641 06/04/10 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted By: MESSIMADE
the mess I made.


The question is, 'How to fix ten years of lyin' and cheatin' on your wife in a couple months?'
Ya'll think we just give out the secret information for nothin' around here?

Tell us more about this other woman first. Give us some details about her personal life so we can understand why she is so dead set on destroying yours.

What's your allure?
What makes you so special that women will commit suicide if you are not going to text them while your in the bathroom?
Define "best friends"
Honestly, no hanky panky, no kissin' or cuddling?
You were just in it for the intimate emotional connection with someone you possibly created a child with, behind your wife's back?
no drunk quickie, you're regretting?
You ever tell her you wished the child was yours?

Let us understand this demon first.

MESSIMADE #2014820 06/04/10 01:54 PM
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I was introduced to my wife by her father 8/24/01. Prior to that I had been in a 5 year long relationship that ended in the summer of 2000. In between that time I was a broken individual, I allowed myself to become sexually involved with a married former friend. I knew that it was wrong, but I didn't do better. I was trying to end this and then I met my wife and it did end then.

My wife and I fell in love, we were head over heals. Then the bomb dropped. OW finds out she is pregnant and eludes that child might be mine. (Finally found out for sure from her in summer of 2009 that child is not mine) Way before wife and I got married on 6/26/04 I told her what had been going on. Looking back I realized this changed our relationship forever b/c we never really dealt with things, just kept moving on with the plans we had made-marriage children ect.

FF to Feb 2007. OW contacts me to "congradulate" me on wife being pregnant. Should have never took that call. She re-dangled the O child at me. We had some sporatic communication and she became my "friend" again. My marriage was not what I would call perfect and my wife and I basically just kept plugging along, but started living like roomates. That's what allowed the OW to become my "friend" again. As I said it was sporatic communication that started to increase until 3/09/09.

That was the day that my wife found cell records that I had been talking to OW alot more than sporatic. We had become "best friends" we thought. Wife tells me no more communication whatsoever. I agree b/c I love my wife and want to make it work. Then the next bomb hits.

OW plays suicide card on me and I fall for it. At first I don't believe she is, but I do research and realize she has all the signs that you can find on the net that she is serious about this. Well I have already messed up b/c I was to have no contact or wife was done, but now it is worse b/c I cant live with a suicide on my shoulders.

I keep thinking that this will go away with time and actually it only gets worse. OW knows that I am hosed at home if I come clean and ditch her, and I'm hosed if she does harm herself. I'm in a corner and the only thing I can think to do is to try to keep her happy and hopefully she will give up and move on if i keep breaking promises to her. Finally I cant stand doing this to my wife, son and unborn child anymore and I come clean to her on 2/25/10.

I did enough to sink my own ship that I didn't need any help, but to make matters worse OW fabricated stories to make the EA into a PA and my wife believes them. There was no sex involved and wife believes this, but OW says there was oral sex and wife believes this. One day after I sent NC letter to OW she came to my work and told me "you do know that your wife believes everything I tell her" and gave me that look that she would stop at nothing to ruin my life.

I actually have one email left from her says that she is going to hurt me throught my wife, hurt me through my son, and hurt me through her and I would be hearing more about it as the night went on (suicide that I stopped by telling her sister). I think that catches everyone up to my original post and the mess I made.

Edited for easier reading.


Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
Steve McQueen #2014831 06/04/10 02:10 PM
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McQueen:
I never really realized that I was a liar and cheater for 10 yrs. I had felt I had been for the last couple years, but you are right and it is a horrible realization, but I need to realize it.

On the O- She is very much like me. Spoiled and used to getting what she wants. Her and I were always good friends since HS. We live in a small, very small community where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows our story. Her H and I were close friends at one time also. I believe she was truely unhappy in her marriage and it stemmed from feelings she had had for me since we were in HS and she never acted on them.

I have no idea what in the hell is so special about me to her. I have always been a freind to her and would listen and talk to her. Maybe that is what drew her to me? I really don't know.
We only thought we were best friends. Friends don't ruin other friends marriages.
There was phone sex and she wanted to meet for sex and I agreed to (was never going to) but I always canceled on her with some excuse hoping that it would finally go away-dumb idea. I have not had sex with her since prior to meeting my wife.
No I never wished this child was mine, I was affraid that someday it would come out that is was and it would blind side me. That is really why I was in contact with her originally after meeting my wife. I didn't want new wife to have to deal with an O child. OW actually told me prior to my wife and I getting married that she would give daughter up if I would not marry wife and be with her b/c I said I didn't think I could be a stepfather. I was trying to draw her out to see if she'd say that I wouldn't be a stepfather (that it was mine) or something to that effect.


Me: FWH 35
Wife: BS/Love of My Life 31
Children: Son - 3yrs & One on the Way
DDay1 3/9/09 EA
DDay2 2/25/10 SPa w/same XOw
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