Cause for alarm?

[OfficerInNeed]

Just as a quick update. W woke up and is in the process of getting ready. I heard W say something but was not quite sure what exactly it was I believe she asked "What are you doing" without being sure I ask "I'm sorry, what did you say" her reply was "nothing" so I said "thought you said something" and carried on....

I went downstairs and was heading back up and W yells "Hold on stop right there" so I did, then she said OK and I walked in the room and I asked "What was that about" she said "I was getting changed" just brutal..I know it can be a whole lot worse but this alone kills me. 10 years of intimacy and now this....

[MrBond]

"10 years of intimacy and now this...."

It's all tied together with trust issues, her issues, her not being able to be open with you emotionally.

It's another thing you're going to have to let slide.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

While I was putting the shelves up W came home from work, she fooled with the dog for a little bit then went upstairs where she remained as I finished putting the new shelves up. A little while later I went upstairs we had a little conversation, I went back down stairs, W eventually came down herself. . . .

Try to let her come to YOU. See what happens.

Puppy

I do. When she is watching TV downstairs I go upstairs, 8 out of 10 times she would shortly follow BUT it doe snot happen the other way. If I am downstairs and she is up she won't come down.

I did not go up to pursue her but rather to retrieve something from the bedroom.

How odd.

What do you find odd or are you being sarcastic?

OH, that one. I found it odd that she would do that with the frames.

[OfficerInNeed]

Update:

W and I eventually made it out the door. W decided to drive for once (I usually offer since in the past I would criticize her driving.

W stopped off at the bed store. My W wanted to get shirt for my parents dog (long story lol). We then headed out to FIL's house to visit him and his GF who was just released from the hospital. On the way I stopped and got FIL GF some flowers.

We arrived at FIL and we were greeted. FIL usually gives W hug and kiss and he would shake my hand. This time he did not shake my hand but he did ask how I was doing.

We hung out for about about an hour talking about a wide range of things at times laughing and joking. FIL asked me how work is going.

FIL and W were talking about THE HOUSE. W said nothing about moving in or when it will be ready for her but it was more of FIL talking about what he wants to do with it and how much he has done to this point.

When we left FIL said to W "ILY" and to me "OIN I'll be seeing you"

On the way back home we stopped off at MIL house (VERY RARE THIS HAPPENS) and dropped off a gift we had got for W's sister. I could detect the tension between W and MIL.

We continued to head back home and to my surprise W decided to stop by THE HOUSE FIL is fixing up. We walked around the house and looked into the windows ect...W did not say anything about moving in or that being her future apartment. One thing she did make reference to was she said "I should have a key for this anyway" but I said nothing thinking she was trying to bait me. W would inherit this home one day from FIL so it could had meant that but I am not sure.

We left. On the way home W wanted to stop at another store and give the dog shirt another attempt (seems weird but like I said long story). W was looking at other things like new bedding, new pillow, table cloths, candles for the back desk ect... but purchased none. Then W was looking at undergarments. I made a suggestion of something I thought looked nice and she purchased it, too bad I won't get to see her in it lol.

We get back home. W and I go to parents and put t-shirt on new dog. My father said <W name> I have not seen you over her in a long time. W laughed. We then were leaving and father said to W "stop in again" W laughed and said "OK"

throughout the course of the day had her typical WAS attitude. Bitterness and shortness in her responses at times and stupid facial expressions ect...

Well as I was typing this W comes out the bath and ask "are my pants and shirt out there?" I said "yes" W asked if I could bring them to her. I took them to her handed them over as she put just her arm out the bathroom door shielding her body from me...sorry but that just blows my mind every time. Why get the undergarments I suggest and I can't see you in them>?

[CanadianKid]

Update:
I know it can be a whole lot worse but this alone kills me. 10 years of intimacy and now this....


sorry but that just blows my mind every time. ?

Same as we talked about yesterday. She's bitter and she's trying to hurt you. She knows how to push your buttons and what action will produce the greatest amount of damage. Stop reacting to them. If you do they will lose their power and she'll move on.

[dgtal]

OIN, I'm going thru the same situation. Month # 22 and counting. It was just recently my wife started to lean on me while watching tv. It's a loooooong process. Our sex life isn't that bad as yours (1-2 times a week from 0). I remember 5 months back I touched her breath and she blasted in flames. Now I can touch her and she say nothing. Make love, try to reconnect.

Did you W ever threaten to move out the house or actually move out the house?

Yes,she did it for 4 months (threaten) she was ready to move to her sister's house. $ months that was a nightmare. She stopped it when I stopped interrogating her or making quotes about he A.

[dgtal]

I'm sorry I'm trying not to spent too much time in my computer. She's not confortable with it. Part of the process...

[OfficerInNeed]

Update:
I know it can be a whole lot worse but this alone kills me. 10 years of intimacy and now this....


sorry but that just blows my mind every time. ?

Same as we talked about yesterday. She's bitter and she's trying to hurt you. She knows how to push your buttons and what action will produce the greatest amount of damage. Stop reacting to them. If you do they will lose their power and she'll move on.

That could be true or it could have a lot to do with the resentment she has toward me and insecurities as a result of the harsh things I had said to her in the past.

As for last night, after she came back into the room her and I played pictionary for nearly an hour and had as great time. I had not seen my W laugh so hard in a long time. Then we went to bed.

We both woke up early this morning. W before I. We watched a little TV, I got up and headed out the door for a court hearing. Before I left W asked if I was switching medical plans and wanted to know if I was going to add her.

I said to W "Do you want to go on my insurance?" W said "Yes, I want to get work done" referring to her eyes (and other things she mentioned in the past....) I then said "We will have to talk about it then" she said "yeah but you dont have much more time before the cut off date"

I will not add my W to my insurance unless there is a commitment from her to work on our M. I never thought my W to be such a person but I am weary that she would use me for the insurance to get what she wants from it and still leave, I only think this because she is now under the influence of a female co-worker who is married to a co-worker of mine who has the same benefits...

How do I discuss this w/wife and get my point across w/o pursuit ect...

[Allen A]

I dunno about this one... I get the impression she's hinting that she is considering staying there with you for longer... I dunno... It's not like she's cheating here.. THAT i would cut her off my insurance for... If she IS staying there, then you should keep her on your insuranc euntil she leaves no?

[OfficerInNeed]

Well here is the deal...

A few months back when our sitch first began I asked W to get on my insurance. She pays for her own insurance through her work and I get it free through mine. We would safe money ultimately. I admit it was a poor attempt to get W to stay.

Months later my W starts bringing up the idea of getting on my insurance because I plan to switch over to a new plan. The new plan is a cosmetic rider. Which means we can get ANYTHING done.

Female co-worker of my W is on her husband's insurance who works for the same department and is on the same plan I will be switching to. THis co-worker of my W has had 'WORK' done if you know what I mean. This women is "shady" I am told and is the one who 'cheats' on her husband with a co-worker. This woman has been a mentor if you will for my W.

I would not be surprised if she is telling my W to get on my insurance get the work done and then boot me...I will not be used (for my W to try to outlook OMW and gain his attraction?) and plus I love my W just the way she is. So in a sense this is a big deal.