Your wife could be doing a computer search to help her friend. So far, OM is not trying to steal your wife. On the other hand, he doesn't mind the attention she gives him. But that is not the same as proposing to her and running off with her. So relax. Let the chips fall where they may. Eventually, OM is going to have to let her know he is not looking for a new wife. I assume that she doesn't show this whiny, sick, miserable side to him. She must save that for you.
This morning I spoke with OMW. I told her about the whole facebook idea. She said she would do it, so we'll see. I told her that OM has to make it clear there is nothing there and he is happily married.
As for us:
W woke this morning and did a little cleaning in the kitchen. W then put the bird feeder together and outside (been sitting around since Feb).
I eventually went down stairs and W told me the things she did (in a mopy bitter tone). The other day I had purchased some things to dress up the kitchen but have yet had the opportunity to install them. I showed this things off to the W. She had made out a list of things we had to get for the house (little things like garbage can, paper towels ect..).
I was showing W new light switched covers she said "they look nice" W then walked out to living room and said
"My Father put a new sink in at the house, all he has to do is install a hot water tank and the place will be ready for me."
I walked out to her and said to her is a very humbling voice "W NAME, running away is not going to make things better for either of us in the long term"
W replied "I am not running away, I am doing what I have to do."
Then I said "No one enjoys a failed marriage on their conscience"
W replied "Who said I am enjoying this, I didn't have to chance to enjoy it"
I then said "All I am saying, running from this all is not the answer"
She replied once more "I am not running"
I went up stairs, W took the dog outside to brush her. W brought dog upstairs to show me how she looked after she was brushed down. Then W went into shower....
I expect an onslaught of "I am leaving" today, I need some ammunition/responses.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Its going to be nearly impossible for her to not do what she feels. I wish I had the answer for you. Its obvious that she feels strongly to do what she's doing.
good...I will tweak/combine those....anything in mind that wont come across as me being ass? something that would really make her think? TO her she HAS TO LEAVE, because she feels it is the way to happiness...getting rid of me is happiness for her.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Sadly, that's a journey she may just have to take. If she does you may have to take a step back and decide what is a dealbreaker for you. Would her having a PA be a dealbreaker for you?
Before she leaves you can make yourself scarce, so she can have the entire space of your property. While you make yourself scarce, your having fun and doing what you want to do.
Pieces of all these sitches sound like mine. What you said "TO her she HAS TO LEAVE, because she feels it is the way to happiness...getting rid of me is happiness for her.", I don't know how they got to this point.
I worked on it and I believe as a result of the affair, we become an impedent and threat to their affair - which they correlate to happiness.
Its how we become an enemy and we didn't do anything.
Yes, PA would certainly cause me to move on. I am having trouble with EA. My W has giving someone else her heart and thoughts. My thinks this person know her better than I do. I spent 10 years of my life learning my W, OM talks to her for nearly a month and she thinks he knows her better?
As an update.
After my W came out the shower earlier, she laid in bed next to me (with just a towel wrapped around her). We decided to go shopping. We went to a few stores got things we needed. A few times W spoke future tense...many times W was short with me. It seems like I can't engage her and I get a stale response to somethings.
We get back home we play baseball in yard (I just pitched the ball to her and she attempted to hit it). We then played Kan Jam for a while at the same time fooled around with the dog.
Even though W was participating she just did not seem too into it. She cracked a smile a few times but seemed like she was holding back.
We eventually went in...W wanted to deep fry some veggies but deep fryer was missing. We sat on the couch having VERY small talk, mainly about the dog.
W then went upstairs and went into the bath before going she asked if I could heat something up in the oven.
AS mentioned earlier, I suspect my W will start saying she is leaving more often, even more so because from what she tells me the apartment is almost ready. I need something I can say to her that would put doubt in her head
I thought the following up.
"Married couples who are adults work things out, they don't run from a situation, they make the situation better"
I have to think up some more..
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Or maybe use the term "leave the situation"... she seems to want to sidestep run.
BUt more to the point OIN, you need to say it and WALK AWAY.
You turn that into an argument and you will always lose. ARgument demands rationality... and your wife isn't willing to play that game. TO have a rational conversation you both have to follow the rules.
The best thing to do is come up with some really good heavy hitters for her and say them and t hen walk away... It gives what you said time to resonate in her head... when some comes up with a sidestep to it, no matter how pathetic it allows her to ignore hwat you said... GET THE LAST WORD IN.
Even if your wife leaves, the dog stays there... don't let her take the dog too.
SHe wants to leave, tell her the dog stays with the home she's abaondoning... the dog isn't abaonding the home, she is.
SHe may need a few weeks there to start missing the home... It does happen.
I like what Daddy LS said- make yourself scarce...
Look last week my W canceled MC and we got into it b/c she said she wanted to D...I made a fool out of myself...left my wedding band at her job and pulled away...
W said she wouldn't speak to me b/c she felt she was being manipulated...
Last night I get texts saying "I've been reading 'When Love Dies', I'm confused, so much could be different..."
And way more pursuit from her today- b/c she knows I'm leaving town and having someone else watch my dog...
What I'm saying is the push-pull BS is the way it is...it sucks and thats why detaching is key...
When your W said "then I can move." She already knows you don't want her to go, and that you believe she's running away...
Try saying nothing, almost like she didn't say it at all- going about your business, enjoying life and being happy.
I couldn't understand the concept in my own sitch- but it worked.
Think about it at the very beginning- day after d-day- if you did what i did, I wrote out everything I could- it was all pursuit, pressuring, reasoning, etc...
You're W already knows it all- she's fighting it...just let her fight w/ nothing, no resistance- see what happens.
