Thanks everyone. It helps that you all understand how this is - I'm sure many of us thought it could happen to us.
I'm not sure if my friend has a church right now but I do and can and will suggest it. Some of the funeral homes do have excellent bereavement counsellors though and that can help in a different way as well.
When we spoke today - she sounds ok, but very much in shock. Our mutual friend (we've all been together since toddlers or so) was with her. So that made me feel so much better. I know I won't feel ok until and can be with her.
Oh No Barb that is terrible!! Its horrible for those girls, its them that will have to live with this- and your friend, she must be beside herself--just sad sad news all around!
Your a good friend to go be with them Barb, suicide is just the worst thing, our 21 yr old family friend took his life earlier this year and it haunts me still
Hugs to all of you.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I'm really sorry to hear it. I feel for everyone involved including the guy himself. It's not easy to do what he did no matter how selfish or bad. He must've felt complete utter despair inside. May his soul rest in peace.
I hope those left behind realize that we can't control what others do. Just awful sad news, I especially feel for the kids.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Yes - just a sad sad situation. Who knows what makes anyone reach this level of dispair. I'm haunted by the thoughts of it. For the past year we have thought of this happening and I could SO relate. Not in doing it but in knowing how my ex had tried it and always wondering when and if he was going to. I know this is SO hard on my daughter for that reason too. Fortunately I have great friends also. As I am at the cottage - one of my friends went straight to be with my daughter. And one of our mutual friends and her terrific husband went to be with the bereaved family. I did not go home immediately as Josh and I had just started drinking champagne to toast our new boat. It was late, rainy, I was tired and the bit of booze might have been just too much. So I'm heading to be with her in about an hour. Will phone her soon to check on plans. WIll take me a few hours.
We must continue to remind our loved ones that nothing is so bad that there is no way out. For some reason - he figured he was finished financially. He was early 50s, an exec with a quarter million income. No way he was "finished" but he also is deeply in debt and no one could figure out where the money was going. Still - with his earning power unless it was going to loan sharks - what could have made him do this?
I did not sleep well. It will be a very difficult few days.
Oh my goodness! I am so sorry. Prayers for your friend and her daughters. As others said, this was him being selfish and not thinking at all about the impact his actions will have on his kids.
(((((Hugs)))))
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Know what you mean Barb, last year when ex was fired for reasons that he is lucky not to be in jail for! he def. hit some sort of rock bottom ( or so we thought) he made references to not wanting to live, and i said to him.. for once in your life think of someone besides yourself! you can get up, dust yourself off and start again, if you did something to yourself, your son , not to mention your elderly mother ( and other fam members) would have to live with it, suck it up and carry on!
It angered me that he would even speak this way, after all the other hurt he had caused people-
Your friends ex must of known what an impact this would have on his family and on his daughters birthday, just selfish and awful!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I am so saddened to hear this Barb. Your friend is lucky to have you to stand by her during what will undoubtably be the toughest time in her life. Divorce is difficult, but to have a spouse, or estranged spouse, commit suicide must be so much worse. There will probably be people who look for someone or something to blame, and they may try to blame her. You need to stay right there for her and let her know that she is absolutely not responsible. HE made bad choices in his life and she was not responsible! I think it is good that the two of you had actually talked about this possibility before it even happened. That will help gte her through. You are an amazing woman and I am sure you are an amazing friend to her.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I agree with Karen Barb, this was a selfish act that will probably haunt his daughter every remaining birthday of her life. But he didn't care about that. He took the easy way out. I have to say that with all that has happened in my life, I have never once wanted my children to live with something like this. How selfish.
Thank you all for your sweet comments. C and I have been friends forever - through good and bad. No one could relate to her like me when her H left her for OW but I never had to deal with something of this magnitude.
I drove home from the cottage and was there for several hours today. They seem to be doing ok but some of the talk was very hard on the girls. They had some friends there so that helped. One of the girls friends actually saw him jump.
One of the daughters wanted to let OW know. C was outraged and does not want her anywhere near. He had broke up with OW and I really understand how my friend feels. I hope OW stays away.
I am going to the funeral home tommorrow to help her plan the funeral. It is so surreal as she was just getting the divorce stuff done and bought a condo to move into (the house has sold - new people move in June 28). We are hoping that his insurance policies pay out for suicides as she has maxed out the line of credit since he refused to pay her support for the past 12 months and she did not work. So there is nothing. I hope she finds this out soon so she can stop stressing.
And his family came today from out of town. I was worried they might try to blame her and that is one of the reasons I really wanted to get her back. They were ok, though. I think they realize that some of the things he had told them about her are really not true. She was married to him for 25 years and raised lovely girls.
