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And, might I add! Snodderly gives excellent advice!!!

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YES, she does!

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Thanks Snodderly. I wasn't looking for what most would term a happy ending. I think your ending is just perfect for you... I was just re-reading an old thread where you mentioned you thought your XH was coming through and wondered what happened when he finally made it.

You're an amazing, knowledgeable and giving woman - you've put so much into touching so many stranger's lives - and I bet he'd be really po'd to finally really realize he lost you b/c he was an idiot... probably good for him that he stays stuck. LOL


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Originally Posted By: Marked&Healed
You're an amazing, knowledgeable and giving woman - you've put so much into touching so many stranger's lives - and I bet he'd be really po'd to finally really realize he lost you b/c he was an idiot... probably good for him that he stays stuck. LOL


Well said & I totally agree!!!

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Hi M and H,

Hope today is a better day for you. I think all MLC spouses do the "but I've been unhappy for so long....". Its amazing to me how much of an ogre I was to my husband for the past 10 years - at least according to him - in an attempt to justify his affair. Since we aren't in the fog and remember real life, know that our marriages were not the minefields they make them out to be. We just have to hope they grow up enough to realize how ridiculous they sound. And perhaps remember what WAS good between us. Perhaps that is where your H is at the moment and that's why he's acting more 'normal'.

And yes, Snodderly and her advice is priceless!


Me - 38
Husband - 40 MLC!
Together 12 years
Married 11 years
Still the love of my life
Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair

H started D paperwork 5/13/10
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M&H,

Just wanted to say, have a great Friday! Hope your weekend is as well.

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Thanks everyone for coming here to say hello.

You know, nlt, I've made a similar comment that if I had known, he would not have hit MLC. Who really knows? You can't say that, it may be inevitable like some say and if we were more understanding and intuitive, it may have been milder or not happened. Logically, I believe that I could have helped him avoid this, but remember, MLC is NOT logical.

Boy Timeheals, you really nailed it there. You're right, nothing mattered to my H other than HOW OW made him feel. And there was nothing I could have done to do the same for him, because he told me he was purposefully putting up walls so I couldn't get in. He really told me that, which looking back - now means to me that he shut me out in order to facilitate the affair.

Forever, I don't think my marriage was bad at all, we were really best friends, but we ignored each other's needs. That's the worst of it, excepting those very few times where I lost my temper and said mean things - I did tell H to f off twice. Two times in 12 years, but he's right, it was more than too much... Again, looking back, I realize I was hurt and really lost and confused about his behavior and he wasn't opening up to let me in, but that was during the beginning rumblings of MLC... he wasn't about to open up to me. They definitely do find ways to make the A seem OK to them, that's for sure.

Thanks SA, I'm going to have a great weekend, I hope you do, too.


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Hi MH,

Your so right, I saw his mlc early on but didn't realize at the time that is what it was, but if I had known about him meeting this ow on the scuba diving trip then we could have gone for c right then. It's all in the past now & I'm letting it go & giving it to God, He has to take care of it all!!

Forever, I heard that remark too "I've been unhappy for years" when all this first happened he said so many things that other people have said their mlcer's have said, it was amazing to me! He told me of things that I did that didn't make sense at all & all the stuff he told me that was wrong in our marriage, in his eyes, was stuff that could be fix so easy plus it was not a big enough deal to get a divorce over, in fact it was petty stuff! But again, I'm sure it was his way of dealing with his involvement with ow.

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Hey all.
I keep getting betterer and betterer. LOL

Smiling, PMA UP UP UP, happy and moving on.

My lovers, my best friend, my favorite man outside of my father is mentally ill.

He told me he could not go to see his mother with me and the kids yesterday b/c he had plans for boy scouts... and then showed up for 20 min visit (it's a 40 min drive each way) This is the third time he's done something like this (driving to see my mom on Mother's day in the next state and then when he found we weren't home, leaving to go back home rather than wait for us) It's all so bizarre. I had bought dinner for everyone but him and so when he came, I split my sandwich with him.

Anyway, I am still feeling hurt for him. I am so sorry he's in pain and choosing this unhealthy way to handle it. He's shut me out entirely because he needs to rationalize in his own head the fact that he is cheating on me. Somewhere deep inside, he remembers he loves me and we are best friends and that we were so close - until he put up his walls. She is a band aid, she is not even close to being as good as me, and she is, quite frankly, also a bit sick in the head. I feel badly for her as well, and I've forgiven both H and OW. (even though he told everyone I was mentally ill, that just was projection and I'm actually one of the most sane, put together, and mentally stable people I know... so, time to get myself back again - he ACTUALLY told people how religious I am and then said I was suicidal... how does that fit?)

Anyway, three months is long enough to grieve over the loss of my marriage. When he is ready to come back, I'll be here. I'm still standing, and I know it will all work out in the end. However, as of today, I am moving forward and not looking back.

I moving on with my life and feeling very very happy about it.

I just got off the phone with the secretary of the biology dept at my school. I stopped attending 5 years ago when my H's kids came to live with us in that emergency DSS situation... and I focused on them. I have three classes to finish and I'll have my Biology and Physics degree with a Chemistry minor.

I'm seriously thinking of going to take some psychology courses and explore marriage counseling, though. Who knows, I was going to get into some sort of medical field... it may take that path.

In the short run, I took up painting and music again, took care of myself physically, lost 40 pounds (still more to go, but doing well), got a hair cut, began wearing makeup again, tanning, and going to the gym. I began to make new friends and read as much as I could on the subject... and get a life.

Now, I'm ready to implement the beginning stages of the most radical remaking of my life. I've done the shallow, easy stuff, now I'm about to begin the deep, hard, long term "put the sheet over the statue while the Sculptor and His trainee begins to remake the masterpiece" stuff.

I'm absolutely so happy and looking forward to the beginning of my new life.

I've written down a list of deferred maintenance from my house and started already crossing things off. Things H said he'd take care of years ago... my new mantra is if I want it done, learn how to do it and do it yourself.

My FIL is helping me tremendously as he does a lot of this kind of household maintenance stuff.


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Bravo!!! You go girl!!!

((((HUGS))))


~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~

My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
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