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Generosity #2085321 10/06/10 03:00 PM
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So today, without a lot of fanfare, Mrs. T and I put our house on the market.

We've spent the past weeks working to get it ready, and last night we signed the paperwork.

It should be priced right, and houses are selling in this area.

If it sells, then I'm officially separated!

I'm a bit nervous about the transition. When we move out of the house (but are still legally married), I want to maintain the 50/50 custody that we have now. Mrs. T is going to try to use the change to have the kids move in with her and establish custody for herself -- which I would not accept.


Last edited by Thinker; 10/06/10 03:01 PM.

Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment
Thinker #2085332 10/06/10 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted By: Thinker
I'm a bit nervous about the transition. When we move out of the house (but are still legally married), I want to maintain the 50/50 custody that we have now. Mrs. T is going to try to use the change to have the kids move in with her and establish custody for herself -- which I would not accept.


Why does she think she can do this? Afterall you both are changing where you will be living, not just you. Does she have a valid reason why the 50/50 custody can't continue once you sell the home? If you are moving to a new place that can accomodate your kids as well, then I don't see why the previous arrangement would not stay the same.

BA

BeginningAgain #2087248 10/10/10 03:00 AM
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So...

The "marital home" is on the market. The first prospective buyers are supposed to come through tomorrow afternoon.

Sell baby, Sell!

I'm sad to see it go - I've put a ton of work and effort into fixing it up and I'm sorry have to let go of it in such a bad market. I had a lot of dreams tied up in this house at one point.

But I've let go - for the most part. It will be difficult to come by in the future and see other people living in what was at one point my dream. But I can deal with that. For now, I just want out.


Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment
Thinker #2087421 10/10/10 06:31 PM
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T,
You will have a new home and new dreams and they will be far bigger and better than you ever imagined!

Did you *plant* the St. Joseph's statue? Google it...you'll see, it works! I got a contract the day after I did it. Best of luck and keep looking forward.


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
Golfgirl1 #2103220 11/08/10 09:28 PM
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Hi All,

Things are progressing. We got an offer on the house and are now "under contract". We're supposed to close and move out in a month.

Yikes! Time to move on getting a new place. I've been looking at rentals and potential purchases. I've found a home that I want to purchase, but have run into two stumbling blocks, both having to do with the fact that I'm not divorced yet. I was wondering if anyone out there has had to deal with them.

1) How do I conduct the purchase in a way that the new home is not caught up in the divorce. I'm purchasing the house with my half of the funds from the sale of our current house. She's taking her half of the case and can do whatever she wants with it. Is there anything I need to do? Does anyone have experience with quit-claim agreements?

2)In order to qualify for the loan, I have to have a known income. My income is fixed, but the alimony amounts are not yet agreed, so my to-be income is not fixed and is causing issues with my loan applications. Any experience here?

Thanks

Thinker

2)


Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment
Thinker #2103239 11/08/10 09:49 PM
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Thinker, what about the custody situation. Have you seen an attorney on that?


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
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http://tinyurl.com/thread4
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ClingingToHope #2103365 11/09/10 02:37 AM
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Custody is and continues to be a battle. We're both heavily "lawyered" right now.

Unfortunately what I'm finding is that it seems to be almost impossible for me to get 50% custody in this state. No matter how involved and active you are as a parent, if your spouse is not employed and you are the presumption is that the unemployed spouse is the primary caregiver.

It's getting more and more expensive for me to keep trying, and I'm starting to question whether it's futile.

She's slowly backed off of her extreme position (which was one of trying to cut me out of their day to day lives), but she and her L have refused to go any higher than allowing me 5 nights out of 14.

My next step would be to engage a custody evaluator, pay another 20K in legal fees and keep fighting.


Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment
Thinker #2104260 11/10/10 08:12 PM
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Thinker,

Been sometime since I have written anything. Don't give up on your sons. They need their Dad in their life. I have three boys as well. 13, 10, 8. Coach as much as you can for them in sports. But it is worth the money to fight for even one extra day. Your ex needs to understand, whether you have them 50% of the time or 33% of the time, her monthly stipen won't change. Trust me, your ex will also find out really quickly that we all need a little time on our own. She should be careful what she wish's for. I have my 3 boys three days per week. My ex has them four. Sometimes that is even a little much for her...

My recommendation as well on your tag line...No resentment-she is in pain too. Look, I don't have resentment. I come to find out she really did me a favor by requesting the divorce. I told her that I forgive her as well even though she didn't ask. My ex still wakes up angry every day, why I am not really sure. I told her Hate is an exhausting emotion. You need to get past whatever you still are harboring...

The she's in pain too line--get rid of that one..If my ex is in pain, I don't really care anymore about her feelings.

Your's clearly doesn't care about yours or your boys. She is using your sons as a weapon. That my friend is just cold and mean.

So again, don't give up on your sons. Think of all those special moments you would be missing if you didn't have the extra day. Isn't that worth an extra $5,000 in attorney's fees??


Remarried 6 mo
S 12
S 13
S 16
SD 12
SD 16
SD 17
SS 19
d1adsl5a #2104271 11/10/10 08:32 PM
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D1adsl5a, the monthly payment is state to state. If I'd gotten 50 percent physical custody in Ill. then I wouldn't owe her child support. So there was no way she was going to agree to that and I screwed up by letting her have more than 50 percent custody when I moved out.

If I could wave a magic wand I'd have said I'm not leaving unless you agree that we are going to do 50/50 custody.

Instead, I went the nice guy route and it's going to cost me for the next 10 years.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6
ClingingToHope #2104285 11/10/10 08:49 PM
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In my case my H was the cheater and I still offered him 50/50 custody bc I know that my kids NEED their dad, not just their mom. He declined it bc he travels so much. However, our custody agreement is that one week he has them 5 days, I have two, and the next week I have them six days, he has one. Still that means he has them 6/14 days which is almost 50%. Then when he travels for work I keep them on his days, but when he gets back I often let him have them for an afternoon/evening during my time. I am just flexible that way...


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17
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