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#1974487 04/04/10 08:49 PM
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As we SLOWLY approach our divorce, I've got some questions that seem right for this forum.

First, here are my two previous threads:

#1: Longtime coming
#2: She must be seeing a lawyer


M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09
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I'm gonna try to make this brief and readable:

We are currently working towards a divorce. My w filed for divorce at the beginning of the year, but hasn't done anything towards finishing it(she hasn't done any of her financial paperwork).

During the past 4 months she's spent little time with our kids, is usually at the gym. She has arranged several weekends to sleep away from the home, telling me she was sleeping at a girlfriends house. She has taken several trips out of town, including one to Denver to visit her "aunt".

This weekend she took my kids with her across country to visit her parents for spring break for 7 days. Last night I discovered a hotel room key card/envelope from the local ritz carlton. It included the check out date, and the name of the Man the room was for. It is a man that she went to college with in her home town and has reconnected with on Facebook. The date is one the specific weekends that she was supposed to be staying at at girl friends home.

I was pretty sure she was doing this, and since we are working towards a divorce, I had stopped worrying about it. However, finding real confirmation of a physical affair with details of who and when has really surprised me. I'm way more upset than I think I should be.

We are currently living in the same home. I'm in the master bedroom, she is in the guestroom. It feels like torture. I work out the house teaching music lessons 2-3 days a week. I need to stay in the house. For the past month, I've been pushing for the divorce. She agreed to save money by coming to a basic agreement ourselves. She was motivated by my offer of having my L write up the initial agreement, saving her a lot of legal fees.
We presented her L with the offer three weeks ago, and there has been no response.

My questions:
Do I need to confront her about her lies and the affair, or just wait out the divorce process?

Should I try to expose the affair to her family? I have had no contact with them since the bomb, and I think W has turned them against me.

How do I further protect my kids from this crap?


(here is my posting in newcomers on this same topic: The countdown continues )


M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09
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Man I feel for you. My own jealousy would have me doing something completely stupid at that point. Im not as srong as you are. In fact I probably should not even be answering your question since Im not qualified by any stretch. But I will anyway.

Now you have to ask yourself. What would exposing the affair accomplish for you since you are set on getting the D finalised and over with?


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
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Man I feel for you. My own jealousy would have me doing something completely stupid at that point. Im not as srong as you are. In fact I probably should not even be answering your question since Im not qualified by any stretch. But I will anyway.

Now you have to ask yourself. What would exposing the affair accomplish for you since you are set on getting the D finalised and over with?


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
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Where did you find the hotel card?


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W and kids are out of town; I'm missing some bills and went into her room to look for them. She's taken others in the past.
The hotel card was on the floor next to her bed in plain sight. It's crossed my mind that she left it out on purpose just to torment me, but most likely she dropped it when she was packing in a hurry.

I went back and looked some more tonight, and found a purse that had receipts and a matchbox form a colorado ski resort, then I found a copy of an email from the OM with the flight info to the ski resort. She was supposed to be going to denver to visit her "aunt".

I'm sure I'm torturing myself at this point.


M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09
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(I just posted this in my thread in newcomers)
I went ahead and called her; confronted her. I just couldn't wait it out. I found more information confirming that her recent trip to colorado to visit her "aunt" was actually to a ski resort, paid for by the other man.

I asked first if she time to talk; she said she did and moved to a private room.

I asked if she had spoken with her lawyer, and what the status of the their response to our offer was. W said she met with her lawyer on Wednesday, and doesn't know what their response is??!?!

I told her that I had decided that I could no longer share the house with her while she was having sex with other men.

She wanted to know "where is all this coming from". I didn't want to give away my sources, or when I discovered it. I told her that I couldn't continue with the charade anymore and that her actions had been transparent and that I knew more than she imagined. She pressed me for more. I very slowly gave out more details of what I knew. I revealed that I knew his name. She tried to say they were just friends, and I told her that I wouldn't be lied to anymore.

She sounded stunned that I knew so much. She revealed more, assuming I already knew. OM is in the middle of a divorce himself(imagine that). I looked up the divorce filing and got his wife's name. I haven't decided weather I should contact her or not. W said that OM's wife knows her. It seemed odd that she would mention this, and I'm guessing she is hoping I won't contact the OM's wife.

I got her to agree to call her lawyer in the morning and get the ball rolling. If I'm lucky, I can get her to move out with a week or two of her return to town. Even with this, I still feel devastated.


M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09
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