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A Message from Michele
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Re: Please help with WAW [Re: soleil] #1983469
04/16/10 02:48 PM
04/16/10 02:48 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 584
Heartbreak Land
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timehealsall Offline
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timehealsall  Offline
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Posts: 584
Heartbreak Land
2Blu,

Only about a handful of people (closest to us) know about my sitch.

Not EVERYONE needs to know about it. Quite frankly, it's none of their business and I need normalcy, NOT pity, nor do I need to be the week's headline in gossip..

I agree about seeing a L.

Good luck!


M: 32
H: 34
S:5
D: 3
D: 1
Together 11 years
Married 7
Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off)
ILYBINILWY: 08/09

"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting."
-Laura Munson
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: 2blu] #1984115
04/17/10 12:48 AM
04/17/10 12:48 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 39
2
2blu Offline OP
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2blu  Offline OP
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Posts: 39
W and I never got together today. I have a short-term part-time job and she doesn't know the schedule yet. She thought she could come by and I would be home in the morning. WTF? Have I been that predictable? Why didn't she call several days ahead and make sure I would be around.

Bear in mind that my home is way out of the way from where she is currently working or living, as in an extra state. She scheduled another haircut here (read previous posts). So she got her haircut and drove six hours to her parents house without coming by the house alone or seeing me. I was available later in the afternoon. Crazy.

Why is she still scheduling haircuts with a local hairdresser if she has moved away and wants a D? I am beginning to believe the S is a determined and drastic effort on her part to test me or straighten me out so to speak.


H 39, W 34
T 10, M6
no children
bomb 1/31
S 3/2
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: 2blu] #1984119
04/17/10 12:52 AM
04/17/10 12:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 39
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2blu Offline OP
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2blu  Offline OP
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Posts: 39
I really rather not get a L if she does not. She has in possession most of what she wants. From what we have talked about, I owe her a bit of money and can keep the house. She has no interest in my retirement funds, truck, gun collection, etc.


H 39, W 34
T 10, M6
no children
bomb 1/31
S 3/2
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: 2blu] #1984186
04/17/10 03:13 AM
04/17/10 03:13 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
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Steve McQueen Offline
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Steve McQueen  Offline
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Posts: 1,866
Originally Posted By: 2blu
I am beginning to believe the S is a determined and drastic effort on her part to test me or straighten me out so to speak.


how do you need straightening out? be honest and specific, please.

Re: Please help with WAW [Re: timehealsall] #1984190
04/17/10 03:21 AM
04/17/10 03:21 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
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Steve McQueen Offline
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Steve McQueen  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
Originally Posted By: timehealsall
2Blu,

Only about a handful of people (closest to us) know about my sitch.

Not EVERYONE needs to know about it. Quite frankly, it's none of their business and I need normalcy, NOT pity, nor do I need to be the week's headline in gossip..

I agree about seeing a L.

Good luck!


maybe you should find out who else knows about your situation. find you who has seen her around town and who she was with when she was supposedly getting another hairdo. somethings fishy and it ain't a mullet.

Re: Please help with WAW [Re: Steve McQueen] #1984395
04/17/10 05:15 PM
04/17/10 05:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 39
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2blu Offline OP
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2blu  Offline OP
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Steve, you are reading it very differently than me. I think she is still scheduling appointments here to have a reason to have contact with me periodically without committing to a reconciliation. Maybe she isn't giving me much notice to see me in a more realistic environment and not one set up to impress her. This backfired yesterday as her assumptions that I would be available were wrong.

You seem to be suggesting she may be having an A here. If she were, she could have stayed in the house and I could haved moved or, she could have gotten an apartment. She moved far away to be with family saying that without the M, there is nothing for her here anymore.

As far as how I needed to be straightened out, my sitch touches on some of it. I have been job stressed to the point of rarely taking time off, rarely communicating with W during the week, no plans for the weekend, just watching TV and resting my stressed mind and body with occasional essential chores. Specifically, not making my M priority and not doing what makes my W feel loved. There were other distractions of the mind that men of my age (all ages?) have sometimes, that have little to do with reality. It doesn't help when stress makes you feel older than you are.

I shoulder much of the blame, but the W's job has taken a great toll too. We have both been professionally ambitious and have supported each others endeavors to a point that our job sitch has slowly drifted us apart. When someone travels for work, they have to reserve everything else for the weekend: laundry, housekeeping, shopping, hobbies, visiting, errands, and quality time with the spouse. Almost nothing can be taken care of in the week unless the nontraveling S does it. Two days is not enough to take care of everything, at least not long-term. Now we often resent each other for our unforfilling lives although we supported the decisions that got us here.


H 39, W 34
T 10, M6
no children
bomb 1/31
S 3/2
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: 2blu] #1984403
04/17/10 05:39 PM
04/17/10 05:39 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
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Jasmine Offline
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Jasmine  Offline
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Posts: 57
Originally Posted By: 2blu
Why is she still scheduling haircuts with a local hairdresser if she has moved away and wants a D? I am beginning to believe the S is a determined and drastic effort on her part to test me or straighten me out so to speak.


I believe her hair apts are for possible contact with you. She still isn't 100% sure this is the route she wants to go but for some reason she is protecting herself with the S.

Do YOU need to take some responsibility in the R and start working on yourself?

Does she need to see this?

Do you need to prove to her that she is important enough?

WHY did the S HAVE TO HAPPEN?

Were you not listening to her?

Validating her?

Appreciating her?

I still make apts in another state where my H is for "possible" contact. Me going by my H's house and not calling ahead, I am thinking/hoping/knowing he is sitting at home WAITING for ME to come back. A blow to the ego when I found out he is out doing something else. wink

Now it's EFFORT on her part. Sounds like you are GAL and it's throwing her for a loop. For her to see you, she now has to check with your schedule. My H just did this to me yesterday. I told him I would be in town for yup a hair apt next week and would like to get together and talk to him. He told me any day would be fine but to let him know ASAP what day and what time because he has other things planned. WHAT??? I have to check his schedule now? hhmmmpfff.... I LIKE TO SEE THIS!!! This is telling me that HE IS GAL and moving along.

Yes, you were that predictable.

Last edited by Jasmine; 04/17/10 05:43 PM.

Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: Jasmine] #1984451
04/17/10 07:52 PM
04/17/10 07:52 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 39
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2blu Offline OP
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2blu  Offline OP
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Posts: 39
Jasmine, thanks for posting. When I first read your post, I thought you might be her! It is somewhat reassuring from your perspective that my W is doing these things to keep tabs on me. Maybe the door is not totally closed for her as she said before the S.

Maybe the S had to happen for real change to take place. If I had successfully talked her out of it, the relief of it may have lessened the motivation for change. Or perhaps remaining fears or resentments would have kept us too guarded to ask for what we both need.

We both know the answers to the rest of your questions.


H 39, W 34
T 10, M6
no children
bomb 1/31
S 3/2
Re: Please help with WAW [Re: Jasmine] #1984949
04/18/10 08:06 PM
04/18/10 08:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
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Steve McQueen Offline
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Steve McQueen  Offline
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Posts: 1,866
EXCELLENT!!

Thank you Jasmine. This is exactly what this thread needed.

Here we go Blue and all Back Stabbed spouses:

Originally Posted By: Jasmine
I still make apts in another state where my H is for "possible" contact. Me going by my H's house and not calling ahead, I am thinking/hoping/knowing he is sitting at home WAITING for ME to come back. A blow to the ego when I found out he is out doing something else.


Jasmine cheated on her husband and moved out. She wrote,

Originally Posted By: Jasmine
The last time I moved back to H, he was doing the groveling, begging and telling me he loved me,


Things you would naturally want to do as a LOVING husband, right? I read it everyday; Men writing how much they love their cheating, lying, back stabbing wives, and how they are telling them they love them, changing and bending over backwards only to be treated poorly so more. What did Jasmine do when her husband told her he loves her and she didn't want to hear it again?

She moved in with the other man. Isn't that the ultimate kick in the crotch response to an I love you?

Now her husband has moved on. Kicked her to the curb so to say. Too busy living his own life to accommodate her cheating ways, and what is she doing?

Driving by his house. Probably back and forth up and down the road, hoping to see him waking around the living room.

Chasing a woman who doesn't want you, chasing a woman screwing some other man. Does not work. If you don't believe hearing it from us men, read a woman whose husband got wise and look how she is back pedaling.


Thank you Jasmine and a word of advice, move out of the other man's house. Your husband will not even consider you as long as you are sleeping with another man. As dumb as we may seem and as bad of aim we have when taking a leak, We do not like sharing our wives with other men.

And Blue, let me make a comparison for you. A hair dresser for a woman is like a boy and his dog. When you find the right one you stick with him. Its not unheard of for a woman to travel that far for her hair stylist. I used to work with a woman that would travel to new york city every few weeks just for the day to get her hair done. Don't read anything into that.

Re: Please help with WAW [Re: 2blu] #1985062
04/18/10 11:22 PM
04/18/10 11:22 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 719
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tristan Offline
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Originally Posted By: 2blu
I really rather not get a L if she does not. She has in possession most of what she wants. From what we have talked about, I owe her a bit of money and can keep the house. She has no interest in my retirement funds, truck, gun collection, etc.


blu,

I would rethink this. She does not need to know you consulted a lawyer, but you need to know what your rights are and what you can expect.

I know she says that she doesn't want the stuff above. But she may change her mind after a L tells her what she is 'entitled' too. Many WAS's do. There is nothing wrong with being prepared.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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