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A Message from Michele
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Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Jasmine] #1983890
04/16/10 07:57 PM
04/16/10 07:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,244
M
Mach1 Offline
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Mach1  Offline
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Posts: 4,244
Originally Posted By: Jasmine
I KNOW, I KNOW Mach! smile



Hmmmmm


Originally Posted By: Jasmine
I need to get out of my current physical situation and start making things happen for me!


yes......


Originally Posted By: Jasmine

There is a Retrouville Seminar in "our" area next month maybe I should bring it up. Maybe I should send him DR? I won't know more till I see him and talk to him next week.



........???????




Originally Posted By: Jasmine
I KNOW, I KNOW Mach!



Are you sure you do ?????

Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Jasmine] #1983891
04/16/10 07:57 PM
04/16/10 07:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
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Jasmine Offline OP
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Jasmine  Offline OP
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Posts: 57
Journaling Again:

Holy Crap! This HURTS! The realization that H is in a MLC and him not ever wanting me back. Knowing, reflecting, reading and experiencing, I *thought* I was a guarantee back into H's life. The tables are turned and I am looking at this M differently and HOLY MOLY, have I got some REAL work to do. Gawd, I am sick to my stomach! Deep down, I felt I was in control of this....not so much any more...

Last edited by Jasmine; 04/16/10 08:02 PM.

Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Jasmine] #1983955
04/16/10 08:30 PM
04/16/10 08:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 4,034
F
fisherman Offline
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fisherman  Offline
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Posts: 4,034
Originally Posted By: Jasmine
Journaling Again:

Holy Crap! This HURTS! The realization that H is in a MLC and him not ever wanting me back. Knowing, reflecting, reading and experiencing, I *thought* I was a guarantee back into H's life. The tables are turned and I am looking at this M differently and HOLY MOLY, have I got some REAL work to do. Gawd, I am sick to my stomach! Deep down, I felt I was in control of this....not so much any more...


That is a curious statement. The guaranteed part. I think it happens a lot around here. I'm not trying give you a hard time or anything, I actually think you're doing pretty well. This is a positive realization.

I know this has to be very difficult, as painful as it seems, IMO this is a good thing. You'll get through this. Focus on what you can control and do your best to keep you mind in a positive place. There is no sense in dwelling on, or replaying the past.

There is no sense in letting your mind spin about all this at this point either. What's done is done. Focus on moving forward now.




Don't stand still.
Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: fisherman] #1984106
04/17/10 12:20 AM
04/17/10 12:20 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 73
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Celestial X 5 Offline
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Posts: 73
Jasmine,

I`m sorry you`re hurting and I do feel your pain. What sometimes happens when one S is in MLC, the LBS has no choice but to try and pick up the pieces and carry on. By the time the MLC`er comes out of the fog, it`s sometimes too late for the M to be saved.

Too much damage has been done, too much time has passed. LBS learn to live without the drama and heartache, and actually get a second chance to enjoy life once more, and most do.

My H is in MLC. I`m positive he feels like you do, that he`s sure he has control over our sitch. That if he wanted to, he could have me drop everything to be with him. I worked far too hard to get where I am today to give it up.

I`m not trying to give you a hard time either. I do hope you can connect with your H. You have lived and learned the hard way, you deserve true hapiness.

Celestial

Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: fisherman] #1984205
04/17/10 03:53 AM
04/17/10 03:53 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
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Jasmine Offline OP
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Posts: 57
Originally Posted By: trapt

That is a curious statement. The guaranteed part. I think it happens a lot around here. I'm not trying give you a hard time or anything, I actually think you're doing pretty well. This is a positive realization.


Nothing personal taken. I am just coming out of the fog so bare with me a bit. I go back and forth. I believe all of us in this this sit, no matter what category you are in, all thought our marriages were a guarantee. This is the taking one for granted in a M. The lack of communication we all experienced.

WOW. Just WOW! Lot's of realizations.

Quote:
I know this has to be very difficult, as painful as it seems, IMO this is a good thing. You'll get through this. Focus on what you can control and do your best to keep you mind in a positive place. There is no sense in dwelling on, or replaying the past.


This just SUCKS! I am truly sorry for those of you on the LBS side. I had no effing idea. I am TRYING to stop the replay but I am waking up in the middle of the night KNOWING I am not to blame. WE BOTH are to blame.

Quote:
There is no sense in letting your mind spin about all this at this point either. What's done is done. Focus on moving forward now.


Excellent point. Easier said than done right now. I know I will get through this but what a blow.

I truly appreciate you pointing out certain things.


Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Celestial X 5] #1984211
04/17/10 04:10 AM
04/17/10 04:10 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
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Jasmine Offline OP
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Posts: 57
Originally Posted By: Celestial X 5

I`m sorry you`re hurting and I do feel your pain. What sometimes happens when one S is in MLC, the LBS has no choice but to try and pick up the pieces and carry on. By the time the MLC`er comes out of the fog, it`s sometimes too late for the M to be saved.


Thank you for your kind words. I just feel so overwhelmed. Selfish or not, I was the one in therapy for over half our married lives. I thought it was always MY FAULT. I did my best to get us on the right track ALWAYS THINKING IT WAS MY FAULT due to my past issues. The turning point for me to run the first time HE was in HIS MLC!

Quote:
Too much damage has been done, too much time has passed. LBS learn to live without the drama and heartache, and actually get a second chance to enjoy life once more, and most do.


I understand this all too well now. Seriously, major conflicting emotions here. H was going through his MLC while I was. H put me through so much bs aka drama while he started his MLC, the reason for me to run.

Quote:
My H is in MLC. I`m positive he feels like you do, that he`s sure he has control over our sitch. That if he wanted to, he could have me drop everything to be with him. I worked far too hard to get where I am today to give it up.


DO NOT LOSE THIS! You have worked way to hard to get to where you are. I think us WAS have had a sense of entitlement. Marriage will always be there so let's try the other side of the fence.

Quote:
I`m not trying to give you a hard time either. I do hope you can connect with your H. You have lived and learned the hard way, you deserve true hapiness.


Thank you. As I hope for happiness for you.

I am WORN DOWN! How much MORE psycho therapy do I have to do to truly become a happy person? How much MORE must I endure to have a happy committed two sided MARRIAGE?


Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Jasmine] #1984305
04/17/10 12:45 PM
04/17/10 12:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 73
C
Celestial X 5 Offline
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 73
Jasmine,

You are truly amazing. I`m so happy for you that you`re fog is lifting. Even if your H doesn`t come out of it, you have grown so much as a woman by just realizing your MLC, and trying hard to undo what has been done. I applaud for that and for being so honest with us LBS.

You CAN do this, we are here for you. I was on this BB a few years ago and would have liked to hear your POV then. After experiencing my H`s MLC for 5 years, I`ve pretty much seen and heard it all.

Celestial

Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Celestial X 5] #1984406
04/17/10 05:55 PM
04/17/10 05:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
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Jasmine Offline OP
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Jasmine  Offline OP
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Posts: 57
Thank you Celestial. Not a fun road that's for sure.

Journaling:
H emailed me back after a half a day goes by to tell me "any day is fine to meet up, just let him know date and time because he wants to make plans." hhhhmmmmpffff...I have to schedule time with him now? I NEVER had to do that. He would drop everything at a moments notice. I LIKE SEEING THIS IN HIM!!!

Still very angry towards him for all the nasty abusive things he said to me in the past. Really hard to think about R while all this is replaying. Time to really sit down and look at the first post to me in what do I want in a marriage, a husband, a relationship.

H ALWAYS had a life with me. He got to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I was the caretaker, the nurturer. I made everything run smooth for him so he didn't have to lift a finger. If he wanted to go for a mtn bike ride or road ride, I always made sure he had clean bike clothes and he could find them. He would come home, put them and leave me to go "play" with his friends. What's changed now? He has to get all these things in order for himself now? No one to take care of him and make sure everything was done for him? WOW...that hurts.


Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: Jasmine] #1984409
04/17/10 06:05 PM
04/17/10 06:05 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 392
D
D Money Offline
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D Money  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 392
Jas-

I was confused on a couple things from your last post. What do you like seeing in your H? That you have to schedule time with him?

What hurts? The fact that you aren't the one taking care of him now?

Re: WAW/MLC/Runner [Re: D Money] #1984416
04/17/10 06:13 PM
04/17/10 06:13 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
J
Jasmine Offline OP
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Jasmine  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 57
DMoney,
I have come to terms that my H is in a MLC too. He just isn't the LBS. So I have conflict of how to treat him. As a LBS I like seeing him taking more of a stand with me and that I have to schedule time with him. As me being just a W, it hurts me that I allowed him to use me as a door mat.


Me: WAW/MLC 41
H: 42
M: 16 yr T: 20
Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008
D: Anytime, just need to sign papers
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
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