Wow! That's awesome - thanks. Should I email that to my wife?
If your wife brings up that TV show again using Dr Phil to justify her position
You need to go to Dr Phil's website and do proper research like I have... You have no idea what you are talking about... He would call you foolish right now
And you WALK AWAY.
You LEAVE your WIFE to do her OWN RESEARCH.. its how she LEARNS and GROWS UP.. do NOT DO HER HOMEWORK FOR HER KEN
Ken- I know it's tough b/c you are thinking rationally...Allen is right, do not e-mail that to her, and do not watch Dr. Phil, or even discuss M issues or how to overcome them.
It sucks- this person is slipping out of your hands and life...BUT- life grasping sand, the harder you squeeze, the more you lose.
In the end it is her loss Ken, you are a good man. I am not trying to be negative...it's just that you (we) cannot make choices for our WS...we can set scenes subtly or create new and better memories, but it's their journey to make, just as LBS's journey is to just become better and better, and to not repeat past mistakes.
You can teach or persuade all you want- but to the WS YOU (WE) are the last person on earth they would EVER listen to.
I know it's tough...I'm there too, I, moments ago, let W know this is no longer month 1 (but rather month 9), that I am not interested in limiting myself, that I know what i want...
none of this will help my M- all it does is make her want off the phone...
My difference is, I am ready to file...I am being honest but not threatening...
Even still- as PUP or Robx or others would say...when you're to that point, you don't need to warn or caution...you just do.
Hang in there...my best advice- aside from don't do anything that I've done in my own sitch...is to look as your sitch as though it were happening to someone else...
Well Allen, you're batting 1000. The OM is back just as you predicted. After calling me at my work three days ago and telling me that he would not be calling W again and he had asked her not to call him, he called her on her cell phone today and she answered. I am beyond frustrated.
I figure I have three options for how to respond to this:
OPTION 1: Call the OM and ask him how he's doing on keeping his word.
OPTION 2: Tell W about him calling me at work and making those empty promises so that she can see yet again that he is a liar.
OPTION 3: Ignore it.
Or of course, a combination of Options 1 and 2.
I also noticed that W did a search on how to open a bank account. Perhaps I should get back into figuring out how to do the Temporary Separation Order. What do you think?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
As Allen has pegged, I think OM is full of $hit. He's been playing his wife -- and you -- throughout this whole thing. As disappointed as I am with your wife, at least she was a little more honest about things.
After calling me at my work three days ago and telling me that he would not be calling W again and he had asked her not to call him, he called her on her cell phone today and she answered. I am beyond frustrated.
I figure I have three options for how to respond to this:
OPTION 1: Call the OM and ask him how he's doing on keeping his word.
OPTION 2: Tell W about him calling me at work and making those empty promises so that she can see yet again that he is a liar.
OPTION 3: Ignore it.
Ken, this is a replay of what happen way over a year ago! You keep doing the same thing over & over. You've been given the same advice over & over, but until you decide to get some b@lls and man-up to your W, this history is not going to change.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
a. OM tells YOU he's not going to call your wife b. OM calls your wife
result
c. YOU take offence and feel violated d. your WIFE feels FLATTERED that OM can't stop CALLING HER
You telling your wife that OM called after promising NOT to does NOT prove he's a LIAR to HER.. to HER she considers it a TESTAMENT to his "DEVOTION" to her...
Think Romeo and Julliet here...
a. Parents tell the two not to see each other b. Both cry like children and admit defeat to the parents
c. They contact each other in secret again d. Devotion to one another is again reknewed, both flattered that the other MISSED the other
It doens't prove he's a liar to your WIFE, Ken, just to everyone "In the KNOW" about the facts of infidelity...
We know BOTH sides of the drama, THEY just feel their own side.. SELFISHLY ignoring the damage they are doing.
I haven't responded yet to my discovery of the phone call. It seems like every time I talk to the OM, it fuels his fire. I think my wife is actually trying to get him to back off for awhile. I don't think they communicated yesterday or today.
My wife did an internet search for "is it possible to have a happy marriage?" today, so I take that as a good sign. She has been sleeping on the sofa, but I just leave her alone unless she talks to me, then I just answer her briefly. I play often with my kids - they help to keep my spirits up.
I'm waiting to see W's next move to decide whether or not I need to try again doing a temporary separation order. Her name is on the deed, Sandi, and she has not been willing to leave, so it's not really a simple matter of setting her bags out. I'm sure she would just bring them back in and just be madder than a wet hen.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
