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It does totally suck. My heart goes out to you. Be strong.

Listen to these wonderful people here. They are so right about what they are giving advice about.

Your wife is still in a fog and it's going to take alot of tough love to get her to snap out of it. The quicker you do it, the quicker it'll be lifted. I know you're petrified of losing her. It feels "wrong" to do some of the actions that are offered, I feel the same with my WH, but anytime I've taken their advice, it's worked! The smallest things can yield a tremendous difference and response from your spouse.

Every day is a battle for me as well. I'm finding it hard coming to terms with the "why" even though I know the reasons.

Good luck and be strong!


M: 32
H: 34
S:5
D: 3
D: 1
Together 11 years
Married 7
Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off)
ILYBINILWY: 08/09

"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting."
-Laura Munson
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Puppy,

Long time no see. I just wanted to say "Hi".

Anyone getting advice from Puppy should be so lucky. Listen to what he says. When you get to the other side of all this, with a successfully restored marriage or not, you'll see that he was right.


You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
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Quote:
And by the way, in case you can't tell from my posts, I'm a firm believer that sometimes a simple NO, is more powerful than any lengthy explanation.


Oh......that is good! I can't do it...but it's good.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: maynard2121
PUP- I tried that b/c it seemed to work for you, and she didn't budge- the last time I told her there would not be a friendship, I was met w/ "but I thought you wanted me in your life."




It's not a speech you give, that you get a positive response to. It's a stance you take, and a position you live out in front of them, while they're going thru their stuff.

In time, she will see that you're serious.

My wife responded not to my STATEMENT, but rather to how I LIVED IT OUT IN FRONT OF HER, on a day-to-day basis, during her affair.

btw, your response to her was very good.

Puppy

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So friend. What are your plans for today, this week. What are you doing living in the now?


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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Quote:
PUP- I tried that b/c it seemed to work for you, and she didn't budge- the last time I told her there would not be a friendship, I was met w/ "but I thought you wanted me in your life."


You have to expect her to act negative to whatever you say if it doesn't go along with what she wants. You give your statement and when she comes back with an answer such as this one, you do not have to say any more........just look at her. Do not argue, don't get into a R talk(and that is exactly what will happen if you try to explain any further). The girl isn't stupid......she knows what you mean(she's baiting you.) After the "look", turn around and walk away. 'Nuff said.

I don't see that as being rude.....it is making a very strong statement.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: chatterbug
So friend. What are your plans for today, this week. What are you doing living in the now?


Last night I went and met a friend for a couple drinks. She's going through a similar situation, call it the "Lonely Hearts Club." It was good to talk to someone who understands exactly what I'm going through. Tonight I'm playing poker with coworkers. I've started working out again, and I'm sleeping through the night. I'm dieting (next step, quit smoking again!) Planning dinner with friends on Friday, and relatives this weekend. I might go see a movie by myself, I haven't done that in years. Focusing on my job.

I have a much more positive outlook just in one week since I first posted. In short, I'm GAL-ing. Much thanks to the support from everyone here.

Incidentally, she e-mailed me AGAIN this morning, just an interesting story she found online and wanted to share with me (Corey Haim died, FYI). She really does want to have her cake and eat it too, she wants me as her best friend at the same time she leaves me for another man. I'm not replying.

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Broken,
I too feel like I may be falling into a friend trap that while I would still enjoy having the contact with H. I don't want to get stuck in this trap. I have been seperated a year now. The last 5 or 6 months my H has said he isnt coming home. There is an emotional affair that I have exposed. He still contacts her.

You are getting great advice here. Hang in there and do whats right for you.

Puppy and Greek if you have time could you check out my post -seperated for a year-


me 32
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bomb 3/08
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hanging in there-

I realized I WAS falling into the friend trap, which was just making my life miserable, while making it easier for her to move on. No longer. I'm going to move on with my life and do what's right for me. At the same time I'm not going to make her feel "okay" with the situation. What she did it NOT okay, and I've come to realize that my behaviors of the last month implicitly condoned her actions.

Someday she'll wake up from her new fantasy world and realize what she threw away (12 years!) When she does, we'll see what happens. In the meantime I'm starting my new life without her.

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Originally Posted By: Phoenixdeux
Puppy,

Long time no see. I just wanted to say "Hi".

Anyone getting advice from Puppy should be so lucky. Listen to what he says. When you get to the other side of all this, with a successfully restored marriage or not, you'll see that he was right.


Man, where's one of them moderators with a "sticky" when you need one . . . smirk

thanks PD! Good to hear from you, ol' buddy!

Puppy

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