W officially in R w/ OM-

[Truegritter]

Jasper

No 2x4's they don't work man. Go back and read everything that has already been posted

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That is where your answer is my friend you just don't want to listen.

Do you feel like sh!t?

You are in contol of the sh!tmaking machine because it is YOU.

[lees]

Do you feel like sh!t?

You are in contol of the sh!tmaking machine because it is YOU.

That is just what I needed to hear right now too. It is my sh!t that is making me feel so sh!tty today. Now I will dispose of it with the poopascoop to where it belongs.

[jasper67]

Agreed- sadly I decided to drink a bit last night- haven't done it in years and it didn't quite take.

I read a passage for the day from "The Language of Letting Go"

I won't quote it but it speaks of property lines- what's yours (actions, bx, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc) and what's mine...your property is not mine and mine is not yours...it should not affect me what another person does or chooses.

I get it now. I have had my ups and downs. I have allowed myself to be brought nothing but pain by maintaining any R w/ W. And I'm sure I've caused her the same as a result.

I can't "make" W get honest about things- and I can't question her when she says her "truth" is she no longer L's me or wants to be M.

Our 6 yr. R was never this way- it was actually very peaceful.

I am the cause of the problems in this "R" right now- there is no R-

When W came back and admitted everything, I was not ready for it- I was still clinging to the idea of "W"...

Anyway- I don't even want to relive this anymore- the more I talk about the sitch the closer I get to it.

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

I’m not going to go with the 2x4 but I wanted to help with True suggestion; that you reread what has been posted to you.

Here are just a few…

I would continue to focus on your healing and growth. You are not responsible for her issues - she owns them. You own yours. It is that simple.

Several weeks ago you posted that you were done. I thought quite honestly that you were not but only you know when you are really done.

Have you asked yourself what done really is?

My observation is you did not give yourself over to this process that focuses on YOU and your own emotional health, detaching from W IS necessary for you to become healthy. This M is toxic right now and you are full of the poison.

You were on the right track but have returned to your ways. I stick around out of curiosity

Live, love and enjoy life to the fullest - you deserve it buddy. You deserve it.

Now…on to your back and forth exchange with W....

IMO – this happened because you have not let go. You are not done yet. Period. I know that you recently met a friend, which I’m sure help take your mind off some of the pain. The problem with this IMO…is that you still are not done – deep down inside you still had some hope that YOU may have been able to fix this…that maybe just maybe she would come out of this.

The reality is that she may come out of it...but will you be ready? That my friend is the question you must answer.

You see once you HEAL and grow from this..once you let her deal with her own shirt....you will finally realize that YOU control this. You control you. Whatever she does will not matter. Cause you will realize the Man that you are.

Heal...heal my friend...get over this crap. Take as long as you need to heal..do it for YOU. Cry, do what you need to but dude - let go. Let go.

I am the cause of the problems in this "R" right now- there is no R-

This quote is so true...you no longer have an R. Now accept it, and go find Jasper. Don't worry about who is going to file first, last - it doesn't make a difference. What is the most important thing buddy is YOU! YOU my friend are the most important thing in this process.

As True said...

You are in contol of the sh!tmaking machine because it is YOU.

It's all about YOU. You are the machine, you are your own healer, you are the f**king man!

God Bless,
Eric

[Truegritter]

Well said Eric!

Pearls of wisdom Jasper^^^^

Will YOU hear?

[jasper67]

Thanks Eric- hope all's well w/ you- I'll catch up on things later tonight.

The drinking was not a good idea on my part- there's a reason I haven't done it in years.

Looking back- I see the value of detachment, of GAL, of everything...

Everyone of my friends have told me to go into "self preservation mode"- I had no idea what this is or how to get there at the time.

These sitches, like life is a process- they are not hammered out in weeks, months, or years- the horizon has to be pushed very far back and there can be no real goal other than getting there as the best person you can be.

I do understand this and I also realize that "action" is required...

looking forward to a peaceful evening

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

The drinking was not a good idea on my part- there's a reason I haven't done it in years.

Sometime we need to have one of those nights The key is just to make sure we keep our emotions in check. Don't sweat it - just make sure YOU learn from it.

Looking back- I see the value of detachment, of GAL, of everything.

That's good - now look FORWARD.

Everyone of my friends have told me to go into "self preservation mode"

I would agree but remember self p mode does not mean be an A**

These sitches, like life is a process- they are not hammered out in weeks, months, or years- the horizon has to be pushed very far back

As I mentioned earlier...the hard part of this process is getting to the point where YOU realize that YOU control the when. You control it! You decide when you have had enough. Fear, loneliness, insecurities - all of this cr*p will hold you back but how you deal with them is really in YOU.

and there can be no real goal other than getting there as the best person you can be.

Yep! Your W may realize...she may not...either way YOU will be better.

Hope you had a peaceful evening.

God Bless,
Eric

[jasper67]

Thanks Eric-

things have calmed down quite a bit.

Sadly- W and I have had communication. W invited me for a walk on the beach last night- she clearly was going out after- I did not ask where or w/ whom.

While walking- there was little or no R talk, but I could see that W was not really into the conversations- the sad part is we both know so much about one another, so conversation is pretty dismal.

I did enjoy myself w/ her...there was a lot of talk about her business, which is not going well, my financial issues, and her going to a wedding next month...she's very concerned about what people there will have to say- knowing the sitch.

W has determined that she is this new person now- her identity is established through her business- horses and all things horses.

I know there's more to it than that, I also know the only reason we are where we are is that W was so unhappy that she allowed OM1 to be a constraint on our R/M.

OM1, still works w/ her and it's funny- now they truly are "just friends"- I don't snoop anymore- but the last time I did was when W was w/ OM2-

There are huge differences in the frequency of calls to and from OM1 during that time.

W still lies to herself about this- the fact that OM1 was an impediment to our M's progress.

I know the truth, so it doesn't really matter.

Our time together was brief. I feel like the issue w/ W is that she takes on the personality of the person she is around- she has difficulty being consistent w/ emotions or "energy".

I don't know what this means, but it doesn't really phase me at this point.

Not much else going on- trying to figure out school and other job options (part time- I'm getting killed having all the bills alone).

[jasper67]

So W has been texting me since last night-
- she's confused, been reading M books again, etc
-sending dog pics again, etc
-W came by my work and gave me my wedding band back
-W in heavy pursuit again

I'm not feeding into it again...she can do this for a while- I'm spending time w/ my family next week at the beach and will figure out what I'm willing to deal w/ from here on out.

No GAL due to rain, but gonna cook a mean dinner, work out and watch a flick at home

[ericmsant2]

Jasper

- she's confused, been reading M books again, etc

Sounds to me like she is trying to figure out why she feels the way that she does.

-sending dog pics again, etc

Could be lonely...could be that she may be realizing what she is missing. Could be more confusion.

-W came by my work and gave me my wedding band back

Sound manipulative if you ask me. Almost like she expected you to respond with a "I love you give us a shot".

All of the above leads to...

-W in heavy pursuit again

I'm not feeding into it again

This is good. Don't feed into - don't give her back your control. Do what YOU need to do for YOU. Keep working on YOU. Keep striving to be the best you can. Having said this, you can still be nice and respectful. Remember it is her loss. Reflect on your changes - keep working on them and do not get pulled back into her issues. Remember Jasper - you have the keys to the door. You determine when and if the door remains open. YOU my friend control this.

Whatever you do...make it for YOU. Want to stand - your choice. Do it for you!

God Bless,
Eric