Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Nothing wrong with fear, John. It's what keeps a child from touching a hot stove; what keeps us from getting too close to the edge of the abyss.

So long as you don't ACT on it, or base your DECISIONS on it.

Puppy

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Having trouble today not want to contact W and lay it all out on the line.

Not so much talking R but letting her know what I want out of life.

What would be the result of me saying this?

SHould I just proceed with the mediator meeting and show her I'm ok with D?

She never gave me an answer about my propsal of the house numbers? Do I ask her if she is in agreement with them?

We do need to know that information before meeting with the mediator.

I'm in a funk right now. This time of year I usually feel a little down b/c summer is coming to an end.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

After reading some posts here especially the ones in the "Quotes found on DB" I emailed my W.

I stated it was OK for her to take the kids to the beach and have them back on Saturday night.

I then told her I would not be giving D5 gum anymore b/c of what happened over the weekend at W's house.

I then told her my plans and schedule for the kids once schoool starts and even asked her for her input about S3.( Wanted to show her I'm OK with the co-parenting issue).
I then proceeded to told her about D5's first day have school.
I will be taking her there and that W is more than welcome to come for the special day.

I ended with asking her if she wanted to meet to discuss anything that needs to be done before we meet with the mediator.

Working on the leading aspect.

Also Read greeks post about taking control if the meeting with the statement :
Here is what I would do if I were you -

Email to STBXH - I have some business concerning the divorce that I need to discuss with you. I have decided not to tackle these issues in email, so I am inviting you to meet me for a coffee at xyz. I can do it xday or yday - which one works best for you? Any time on either of those days is good - name it. Thanks. D

When he agrees to a time and day -

D to STBXH - I have decided to move forward with our divorce. I would still like to work on our M but the writing is on the wall that you are not willing - so be it. I'm moving ahead. One of us must file - I am prepared to do so unless you already have the wheels in motion to do so. In that case, here is my lawyer's card and she/he will receive your papers. I wanted to tell you face to face that I will go forward with this. Are there any loose ends you would like to tie off with me before this ball starts rolling?

Then listen. Do not fire back. Just listen.

["Why would I do this?
B/c I, like Ferris Bueller's friend Cameron believe: "I am not going to sit on my a$$, as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand..." ]"

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I like it.


Puppy

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks Puppy, I need to take the bull by the horns.

I know what I want and if W can't give it to me then I will find someone who can.

By stating this to her I will get my answer. I'm not waiting for life to pass me by.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Do NOT do this if you're bluffing, Gr8, or if you're doing anything OTHER than TRULY being ready to move on, one way or another.

It's like when I made the very painful (and prayerful) decision to finally file for divorce when my wife was having her affair. It's the ultimate "card" to play, and yet you can't do it to play a card. It has to be what you have truly, ultimately, arrived at.

Puppy

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I totally agree with you on this. This can only be done once I'm ready to move on.

I am ready for either outcome and know I will be just fine either way. As this new chapter of my life begins in two weeks time I am ready to work on M 100% or move on 100%. This is the point I will convey to her. No games total commitment to try or nothing at all.

This Jedi is ready.

I have benn lifted from my funk. Taking control of my actions give satisfaction and confidence.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Then I shall pray for your success, sir.

Strength and Honor,

Puppy

[Chuck66]

Welcome to the "LBS Filed the D" Club. Remember, L's look out for your best interest and so does your spouse's L. So the system is automatically adversarial. That makes it more challenging if you want to still work on the R during the D process. I usually say "my L did that" to deflect any tantrums spouse has on legal issues that are thorny.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yep. I tell people that's the reason why they put that little "v" between your names in the action.

Puppy