I am on FB Karen, bt I don't even know how to ask to be a friend. I did it because my son in Hawaii wanted me to post pictures while he was there. I would try to find you if I knew how, lol.
So nice to come back from a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG day and see so many friends here being supportive and having some great chats and vents. Just like the old days.
Happy - you know my REAL name (from email). Just look me up on Facebook. There might be 2 but of course I live in Canada. Then you will see where to click on to Send a Friend Request. THen I get it an accept it. I can then put you in touch with those DB friends that I am friends with if you choose.
I want to clarify something here. Some of you know my sister, Leenie (Colleen) from this board. She is NOT the sister I was talking about. She DOES "get" what I'm talking about. Her ex is a deadbeat too. In fact - Fig - he reminds me of your deadbeat exes. He does not work. Does not see his kids. Does not pay support. Has lost everything.
Our other sister is a good person but she has not been through what we have been through. She has a good job, nice house, great, supportive husband, 2 healthy kids. Yet - of the 3 sisters - guess which one is prone to breakdowns, lashing out, takes ADs etc. The one with no real problems at all! And preach she does. She bit me twice recently for sending her forwards. One was a horoscope! Just a really funny, cute horoscope - but ahhh - work of the devil! Everything you write to her is turned into a preaching opportunity. They do not "live". I don't think that is how God wanted us to enjoy our lives. I am not a Heathen. I do a lot of good for others - try to be supportive, do a lot of charitable work, try to treat others as I would like to be treated. And this to me is most important. But not enough to my sis.
Sometimes my ex is a jerk - yes CHUCK is a jerk (Donna - maybe it IS the name). Beyond a jerk. If you haven't experienced this - you just cannot imagine. Any more than anyone who hasn't raised a seriously disabled child with extreme health crisis can understand. But none of us has the same life.
BND - My son, at 19 also confronted maggot (OW) who was "living" with my ex 2 weeks after we split! She told him they were "in love and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together" - yep 2 months after we celebrated our 25th. Then she tried to take out a restraining order on my son (who is totally non violent) so he would never again disturb their "love nest". What a gem!
Anyway, I ramble.
Sometimes it seems the more I do - the more I get kicked. UGH!
I hold tight to the fact I've built a new life. I'm working towards the life I really want. And I have a supportive, loving man I am sharing it with. He has absolutely no idea how Chuck can treat us all so bad. He thinks we're wonderful. (yes - even Ashley and her "difficult" growing up stuff).
And I ramble on. But you all "get it" - don't you?
BND - My son, at 19 also confronted maggot (OW) who was "living" with my ex 2 weeks after we split! She told him they were "in love and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together" - yep 2 months after we celebrated our 25th. Then she tried to take out a restraining order on my son (who is totally non violent) so he would never again disturb their "love nest". What a gem!
Yikes! Sounds like your ex-H and OW deserve each other since they both appear to be absolute jerks. Sorry your son had to experience that craziness!
BA: I could write a book about all the things maggot did! My ex truly deserves her. When he starts acting up as he is doing now (and does off an on) - I wonder if it is because there is trouble in paradise. One has to think it is possible!
How are things going in your world? I'm stil in Florida - worked hard for 3 days - time to get back to vacation!
Wonder if any of you have noticed your kids picking up some of the negative traits of your ex? My daughter (youngest of 3) is 21. She was turning 13 the week her dad left. It was hard to raise a teen girl alone. She was devestated by her dad's leaving as she was a daddy's girl. She and I had always been close, though, and did many things together including travelling.
She has been nasty to me - constantly snapping at me or responding to my questions etc in a hurtful manner. Usually she regrets this but I think it is more than normal mother/daughter stuff. Besides - at 21 - she should be past this. I worry that she is showing some bipolar tendencies as I've seen with her dad.
My middle son and I have been talking on the computer. He has many times noticed his sister's behaviour towards me which he feels is weird and uncalled for. They are pretty close, but the way she treats me bothers him.
As for his dad - my son just says "Mom - Dad is ODD. But then - he has been since he left". Yes - odd is right. LOL!
SFO, recently I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome, which basically means I'm physically exhausted. When I told my oldest D16 she said "if you have it, then how come Mommy doesn't?" Her mother is the most driven human being I know, who stops for nothing and even refuses to take aspirin when she has a headache. My reply was "you know how cockroaches are the only thing that will live through a nuclear explosion? Well, your mom is kind of like that". Anyway, I thought that might amuse you I guess I really shouldn't be referring to STBX in the same manner as a cockroach but.... I hope things improve with your daughter!!!!
Wii: I read that on your thread. I wish my daughter could do your nutrition evalutation (she is studying nutrition at school)> She is doing 14 total evalutations and must complete them before graduating in August. She analyzes everything and offers suggestions on dietary changes. I was her first "victim". She goes to school in Mississauga. Thought you'd find that interesting.
So cockroaches and maggots kind of go together, right? Actually, what I've read of your ex - she is not a parasite. She doesn't fit in the same category but still - she split with you and to me that makes her the biggest loser!
I gave Ashley some space. Some time to think about her actions (after suggesting to her that perhaps her coming to Florida this weekend was not such a good idea as I was not feeling an ounce of appreciation or respect). She cried. She apologized. I let things ride. She apologized again. Then I called her tonight and she was a totally different person.
It's a rough road sometimes. I don't know who she is sometimes. She was NEVER like this before the family fell apart. Now I just feel we're so dysfunctional at times.
Still - speaking my mind very clearly and sticking to statements about ME seemed to help. Letting her know how "I" felt by her words and actions. Telling her what hurt ME. Then backing off and giving her time to respond. Then not saying much. Giving her more time. Yes - this seems to have helped.
My son's assessment that his sister's behaviour and especially his father's is "odd" seems to be right on the money. If problems persist with Ashley - further counselling might be in order for both of us.
I remember speaking to a fellow at my church ages ago who had been through divorce. He was telling me that sometimes its not till years later that you see changes in the kids. They handle it like troopers for years and then it comes out. I agree that keeping boundaries is important and letting her know what is OK and what is not. Remember, we always strike out at those we are closest to. Keep at it, SFO! Btw, you are right, my STBX is not a parasite but she could live through a nuclear explosion because she'd be at work and wouldn't even notice it had happened. All the damn bodies would just be an annoyance that gets in the way of her doing her job.
I guess I really shouldn't be referring to STBX in the same manner as a cockroach but....