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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Jan 2008
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So, for some reason I have been struggling again so I decided to jump back on the forums.
Ex and I email each other once a day and talk about logistics of our 2 kids. Occasionally we tell cute stories about our kids and exchange photos.
We send hugs to each other sometimes as well. We hug each other sometimes when we see each other. Ex W knows I love her and miss her.

Our kids are doing well. I do everything with my kids but I miss them like you can't believe.

I struggle as ex W and I are nice to each other, caring, and kind. I just wish she would step over the line but she is 100% moving forward in her life.
She tells me she loves me but has no romantic interest in me and that I need to move on.

Anyway, just struggling a bit again.

I just miss my family so much.


Me/W: 46/36
D7.6/S6
T/M: 7.5/6.5
Bomb 12/05/07
D final: 03/03/09



Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 193
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I know exactly how you feel! I am struggling too. I miss my family being whole everyday. I have my kids pretty much 100% of the time, as XH lives 700 miles away, so it isn't my kids I miss, I miss my H!

I have been on the "mid-life crisis" board for awhile. I know he was/is in mlc, but now that OW is gone I can't help but want him to want to come back home and be with us again. He knows I still love him and we talk more now than we have since all this started. He told me he still loves me, never said not romanticly, but doesn't indicate he wants to pursure a relationship like that. He did say the other day when I asked him why he wouldn't want to do that "I'm just not 100% sure we are compatible, yet". Like he is working on figuring out if we are and will then do something if he moves in that direction.

But, I know he is going out all the time and I fear he will just meet someone else and think it is easier with them. I have told him that it won't be easier cause I know his needs now and am willing to meet them, and with someone new it will be a lot of work. Also, with someone else he won't have his kids in his life much at all. I get so upset and distraught when I know he is out with people, mainly cause I know a woman is after him big time. I don't let on to him that I care he is out and I never get upset about stuff like that while talking to him. I have learned patience like I never knew.

We are suppose to take the kids on Spring Break together the end of March, he is checking with work this week and should give me a final answer by Friday. I just want the strength to go on this trip, have a good time, not have any serious talks and show him how much fun we can have and do have together.

I just wanted you to know that there are others out there struggling with similar things as you are, wanting your family together! I just don't understand why any parent would want anything but a whole family for their children. I hate divorce and I hate that our society has made it so easy and acceptable. I was meant to be a wife in the 1950's I think! Hang in there and just keep doing what you are doing all while "GAL" for yourself.

A


Me-40
XH-44
T-21
M-18
Div-19 mo.
D-18,S-15,D-11
Bomb-7/07 EA,PA
Mvd out-9/07-to give me space
mvd back-12/07
mvd out-7/08
back with OW since 2/08
OW broke it off-1/10
in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
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yep, there it is.
You are feeling the same as I do, and many of us on here.
Augtan I am so sorry you are feeling what you are. I too should have been born in the 50's.
There really is no answer here for any of us. We just continue on doing the best we can.

Everyday this hangs over my head and I know that will never go away. My parents divorced when I was 5, so I know what is ahead for my kids. My EW thinks everything is fine and she is always justifing our situation as just something different.

My EW is very attractive and from an affluent family.
As she has said she does not need me for anything.

This past weekend was family day, which is a public holiday here in Ontario. EW took our 2 kids on a skiing trip to Alberta with her sister and their family. She did contact me a few times about how our kids were doing.

I am starting to build up some resentment.
I am starting to get to the point to where if this is her decision then she can go and live it.
She never once tried to work on anything with me. She just left one day. Sure I did things that were not ideal but not stuff to destroy a family over.

In some ways I wish I had the strength to just tell my EW to hit the road and have no contact with her. I try to distance myself but just keep getting sucked back in.


Me/W: 46/36
D7.6/S6
T/M: 7.5/6.5
Bomb 12/05/07
D final: 03/03/09



Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 193
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I have a lot of resentment I try to release everyday by thinking there is nothing I can do about him or what he does. I read a poem type thing called "Letting Go" I got from livestrong.com.

I am raising our three kids alone, was a stay at home mom for 15 years so this is really hard for me to juggle a full time job, house and all this kids stuff alone. I moved 700 miles away to have job that would pay me something worth working for (we have a family company here).

I resent that he is living better than we are, he does whatever he wants whenever he wants, my expenses are crazy and my parents have to help me (my XH knew they would help me that is one of the reasons he knew he could get away with what he did), I hate where we live and so do my kids but I have no choice right now. We are going to have to either move again to a cheaper state or move to a smaller place over the summer.

Don't get me wrong, he helps as much as he can and pays child support on time with no issues.

I get the resentment part a lot. I also deal with wondering how he justifies what he has done to us in his mind. He is in MLC so I know he just doesn't get it, but he was so the opposite of this for 20 years. It is so hard to watch! My kids had a great Dad and now none at all really. I just want him to realize what he is missing. I know our marriage wasn't even close to perfect, I did a lot of things too. But, I wanted to work on them and improve myself while making my marriage a priority that it should be. He wanted to do it too at first, then he brought the OW back into our world (I didn't know it!) and that is when he decided (with her help!) that our marriage wasn't worth saving and left. I can't seem to get through to him that with the OW in our marriage there is no way he could have seen anything clearly. Now that OW is gone, I wish he would just give us the chance we deserved, now that he can see things since she is out of the picture completely.

I was doing so good before him and OW broke up. Although I prayed and prayed for this to happen, it is hard now, cause I keep wanting him to want to come home. Whereas before when she was with him, I knew that wasn't going to happen at all, now it is a possibility and I am making myself crazy wondering what he is doing, who he is with and if he will meet someone else before giving us a chance.

I have decided to just leave him alone...again. If he tells me on Friday that he is going to come on the trip with us, then I really plan to just ride it out till then, if he doesn't come with us, I have no idea what my plan of action will be. I guess the same, cause what more can I do?

I am the first person in my family (both sides) to ever get divorced!! So, I hate having to imagine what it is going to be like for my kids for the rest of their lives. I am sorry about your parents! Your kids are sooo young too and so were you! I really feel for you and know your pain. I was doing so good, I hate how I feel now and am trying so hard to get out of this funk!! I know the weather here doesn't help me at all, I lived in the South for 10 years so this constant snow is making me crazy! Hang in there, have you tried dating at all?

A


Me-40
XH-44
T-21
M-18
Div-19 mo.
D-18,S-15,D-11
Bomb-7/07 EA,PA
Mvd out-9/07-to give me space
mvd back-12/07
mvd out-7/08
back with OW since 2/08
OW broke it off-1/10
in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
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Posts: 563
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Ahhhh yes, I too share so much of your story.
I do everything with my kids as a single dad. When I have the kids I wish my EW was with us. I send her photos of all the activities I do with the kids.

I too was doing better until recently. I had been keeping it pretty professional between us. I found that some of my anger had demished so I started acting loving towards her. Sometimes she was even caring back. That is when the problems started to come up. I guess I wanted more and started to have expectations. Whenever I did that she would go cold.

My kids are doing really well. The truth is sometimes they actually like the situation. They realize that they lead different lives with each of their parents and they appreciate
that. My 7 year old daughter likes that she lives in 2 different houses. My 5 year son does not even remember mommy and daddy being together.

I can't even imagine how tough it must be for you to have your husband still interacting with your family but not interested in working on your marriage.
At least my EW stays out of our lives.

No I have not started dating. I just can't seem to have any interest in that. Maybe my selfworth has taken a big hit.
My favorite date is to go out alone with my daughter.

I too look back on my EW and rember the person I fell in love with. She is no longer that person.

Well, we go day by day now and all support each other anyway we can.
I have read so many books since all of this has happened. I end up helping all my friends now with relationships and being a parent.
I wish I could apply that knowledge to my own relationship. The truth is my EX just does not "see" any of it.


Me/W: 46/36
D7.6/S6
T/M: 7.5/6.5
Bomb 12/05/07
D final: 03/03/09



Joined: Dec 2009
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Ouch, two years?

I have only been divorced two weeks and separated for 3 months. I would hate to feel the same way two years from now. That scares me. Why? Because I am still in love with my XW.

She knows this but keeps trying to convince me that I need to move on (hate that term!) and that she is never going to come back to me. She is trying to do me a favor and even went dark on me since I have a hard time doing it on my own. Im still having a hard time detaching.

She is right but its still hard to get past my emotions some days but getting better.

I only have one Son and he is grown and has his own life so I am basically alone now. I still talk to my XW on occasion and even see her once in a while and it still hurts like hell when I see her.

Thought about dating and honestly think I could pull it off and not do it for the wrong reasons but I am discovering that the dating pool water is a little cold when it comes to 47yr old ex married guys. Seems I am invisible. Perhaps there are too many 20yr old Viagra adicted Playas out there snatching up all the women my age? LOL, who the hell knows?

Not crazy about dating but what other option do I have? I dont want to spend what is left of my life alone and Im not getting any younger. I feel like my emotions are between a rock and a hard place. XW doesnt want me and dating is a double edged sword.

Anyway sorry for the hijack and rant. Ill follow this thread as it interests me. I just pray I do not post the same misery here two years from now. Wish me luck.


Me:48
W:55
M:22
T:23
Bomb:19Nov09
S:15Jan10
D:11Feb10
EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10
Fast track to her divorcing me
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g450,
Well your situation is "a bit" different than mine. I have 2 little kids so that seems to keep me tied to my EW. She and I email daily.

I don't know what to say to you that has not been already said a million times on these boards. You just have to live day by day and who knows what happens.

I just can't seem to effect my outcome at all.

Ya, dating holds not interest for me. I have my hands full with 2 little kids. Sure it would be great to have someone around but it would just be too much for me.


Me/W: 46/36
D7.6/S6
T/M: 7.5/6.5
Bomb 12/05/07
D final: 03/03/09



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There seems to be many of us stuck in this boat. My WAW announced almost two years ago that she was done with the marriage and wanted a divorce. I fought like hell to try and save the marriage and with the help of the state I live (requires a full 1 year separation before you can even file for divorce) have delayed the divorce so far. She moved out about 5 months ago. When she moved out she made it clear to me that she had no interest in remaining married to me, so I tried to "move on" recognizing that all of my actions so far had made no positive impact. I had no problem finding someone to date who obviously likes me a lot, however it just hasn't felt right - I am clearly not ready. Now I feel bad for this person that I have been going out with.

Too make matters even more confusing, my WAS lately has started giving me conflicting messages about her resolve to get a divorce, i.e. increased affection (lingering hugs and a couple of kisses.) Recently I sent her an email asking her if she was having second thoughts and got no response back, other than a bit of distance initially, but now she is back to giving mixed signals.

Because we have two school age girls that we share responsibility in getting to school each day, we see each other on a daily occasion. These interactions are always friendly. We co-parent extremely well and our girls have adjusted completely to our separation. My problem is I am tired of limbo and do want to move on one way or the other - however with the mixed signals I still don't want to miss out on an opportunity to put this family back together. Sorry for the rant and ramble - and hijack. Just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone.

BA

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That is exactly my situation. EW and I get along so well. We hug each other when we see each other and send hugs in emails to each other. WTF why can't they wake up !!

I am just the same as you I want something to happen. Either I am ready to move on or my EW does something.

Blahhhhhhhh !!!!!


Me/W: 46/36
D7.6/S6
T/M: 7.5/6.5
Bomb 12/05/07
D final: 03/03/09



Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
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Hello Canada,

Been two years for me too. Two years this week in fact. I would have been married 15 years this week as well. Two important dates in the same week.

It sucks.

My Ex also tries hard to be nice. Like she never did anything to hurt me or my kids. Hard to understand, I know.

You are not alone but that is of little comfort.

I would suggest that you start to let go. No more hugs and such. Limit the emails as much as you can. You continue to be her "safety net". She knows you are there "just in case" her new life falls short plus you ease her guilt about breaking up the family. I would go dark - at least it will not hurt as much or give you false hope. And it may cause her to think ....

Just a thought. Live for you now.

But it is hard - hard to follow my own advice smile


Jeff

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