You have to remember...I experienced all of this mlc nonsense 11 years ago. If you can step outside the ring, you will see things more clearly. When you are in the ring shadow boxing w/him, you cannot see things quite so clearly.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi FHS, hope you're out enjoying a great bike ride!
MLC sucks. Your H seems to be getting the pickings of both worlds as he chooses. As your H continues to move in with OW remember that it could be the best thing to happen. Many times once they have to put up with each day to day the infatuation quickly deteriates. You will begin looking better and better!
I also wonder, what are you doing to protect yourself financially and 'remove' H from your life? It is a very fine line to walk and can be very risky, but how do you think your H would react if you had some things packed up for him? Basically, do something different.
I too have joint business ventures with my H, it was difficult to keep all the balls in the air during all of this mess. H would be angry if I didn't do it, he would be angry if I did it on my own, basically I didn't do anything right in his book but I had to do what I could to make everything run with or without him.
Keep taking care of you.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My husband called about lunch time to tell me he'd be home at dinner. When I told him I had been on a bike ride his reply was "that's crazy! Don't you know its hot outside?" Old H used to enjoy being physically fit.
THe business is tricky, because basically although we ran it together, my H wants to dump it into my lap once the D is final. He's not interested in any further responsibility. So, financially I will be OK, but I get the added stress of either doing everything myself, or trying to hire and train someone new to take over his position. Since he's been absenting himself more and more, the staff has been picking up the slack a bit and we've managed. However, I don't want them abandoning ship once he's gone due to the daily increased stress. Will probably have to hire someone, but will cross that bridge once I get there. At least lots of folks need employment and it should be easy to find a good office manager.
I haven't packed up anything for him, mostly because I don't want to make it any easier for him to move out. I figure its what he wants to do, its his business to get it done. That being said, I've already been eyeing some new furniture and have some plans for indoor construction that we've discussed and he agreed to pay for. (one of his plans for the divorce was to empty all of our bank accounts and take the cash... what he thought was a fair trade for leaving me the business. I had to explain to him that I needed some $ to pay for bills and couldn't just start at zero)
Yes, I have also had the feeling that once he gets too much of OW he might realize its not a bed of roses. SHe seems very controlling and has him on a short leash, which I'm sure will start to chafe soon. I think for my own healing it might be good to have him completely out of the house, even if I still want the marriage.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
