Db not working, MLC spouse pushing D

[job]

I didn't think you had given him a timeline since I know that you don't want a divorce. Don't be surprised if he doesn't raise the issue this evening. He's got to mull this over for a bit and he'll come back around again later on. I hope that he will provide you w/the information you are requesting at some point.

[foreverhesaid]

We received paperwork for divorce on thursday, and my H's lawyer wanted to make an appointment for me to sign on July 15th. I have a doctors appointment at that time and can't make it. My husband frantically emailed back and got instructions about how I could take the paperwork to a notary and sign and that would be good enough. Of course I told him I wasn't signing anything until my lawyer had an opportunity to look things over.

I am so sad to see how much he wants to push this, its like he can't wait for the marriage to be over.

Thursday he spent the day packing up his car to take more things to OW's house. Although our business was open all day friday, he left early that morning. While I was getting ready, he came up to the bedroom and pecked me on the cheek and forehead and told me to have a good weekend. I hate that I just start feeling more detached, and a simple bit of affection that I crave so much sends me spinning again. Why on earth would he do that, kiss his wife goodbye on the way to see his mistress?

Feeling pretty blue this long weekend. I'm finding it hard to keep a PMA, maybe I need to get away from the computer and find some sunshine.

[job]

I'm sorry to hear that he's pushing it. Many of them "can't wait for the marriage to be over and done with". They are the ones that thing a piece of paper will create a magical new existence for them. Unfortunately, their baggage is still intact and riding in the same space ship that they are. My xh was the same way....to bad they don't realize that it's not greener on the other side...but they all discover this later on. By then you will have moved forward w/your life and the doors will open for you to experience new challenges and w/that comes new people, old friends and family.

As for kissing you....he's just nuts. There's no telling what is gone in his mind.

I sit back now and laugh about what mine said to me after the hearing at the court house which ended our marriage....but back then I thought he was nuts....now....well, I don't think it any more, I know it.

You'll get to the point of being able to look back and see just how confused and depressed he was and you'll come to realize that there was nothing you could do to save him.

For now, review the papers and go from there. We are here for you.

[foreverhesaid]

Thanks Snodderly, I am trying to take things one step at a time and be logical. Its nice to be able to come here and vent and know that someone is listening.

My folks and siblings try to be supportive, but despite how circumspect I've been in what I've told them, they're full of 'dump the jerk and find someone better' type advice.

I understand, and realize that they didn't take the vow to love him forever. They loved him because I love him, and now that he's hurt me they want to see the end of him.

I ended up taking a long bike ride (16 miles - very long for me) and was thinking the whole time. I'm so sure that he thinks that piece of paper is suddenly going to legitimize everything he's done, but two wrongs are not suddenly going to make a right. I just keep thinking 'she's going to love you just as much as she did her first two husbands, and then start looking for number 4 once she's got you. Then maybe you'll understand how I feel." Faint hope I know, I shouldn't be worrying about him and their relationship, he has to figure that out himself. He even said to me once, 'I may be making a mistake, but have to try this and see...." I wanted to say, "how about trying our marriage?"

Ack, so many regrets, so much energy wasted worrying about this, so much pain endured and so much wishing he'd work on addressing his issues so that we could fix this.

Thanks for listening....

[courageous wife]

(((forever)))

Glad you got out and had a bike ride!

My H filed for a D back in Feb. and hasn't moved forward at all with it! Everyone keeps saying that it is just a piece of paper and that is true but doesn't make it any easier to take....

I wish I had some words of comfort but all I can say is take care of you...we will get through this and remember what they say, I was reminded earlier of this, that when one door closes, another is opened!

Hang in there!

[job]

I'm glad you took a nice long bike ride. It helps to clear the cobwebs from your mind out in the fresh air.

They all think that the divorce decree will solve all of their problems. Even though it's just a piece of paper, it still hurts for those who fought the good fight. The MLCer doesn't have a clue that life really doesn't change for them after it is finalized because they left the relationship emotionally many months before they dropped the bomb. The euphoria of this "new found" freedom will last a short while and then real life will settle them down once again.

I have to say that the comment your h made about this may be a mistake but he has to try it, must be a normal mlc comment. My xh said the same thing.

I understand just how you feel. I do hope that you have plans for today and can put your problems aside for just a little while and enjoy the day.

[foreverhesaid]

Confusedwife and Snodderly,

Hugs to you both. I have no big plans, no family close by (other than the in-laws and although I spoke with them briefly by phone on friday, was not invited over for this weekend). Will probably go for another long bike ride, at least it will keep me in shape!

There is a local fireworks display in town, will probably go by myself tonight, it will be at least some sort of celebration. I am trying to be determined to enjoy the holiday, even without H.

Hope you are all enjoying the day in your own way.

[foreverhesaid]

So this morning I wake up, having slept in a bit late after fireworks last night. There was an email message from my H at 6:50am, reminding me to change the answering machine message at our business since we are taking today off and referring emergencies elsewhere.

He's with OW, yet cared enough to send the message about the business he 'hates and can't wait to get away from'. Is it small of me to hope he and OW are sitting eating breakfast when he says "I have to send a quick message to my wife...."

Or... another attempt to keep controlling me?

Or... I should just stop worrying about it and ignore.

<sigh> Darned MLC! so confusing.

[job]

In the amount of time he texted you, he could have changed the message himself. Even though he says he hates the business, he still wants to have some control over things. He still likes to tell you what to do. Another thought flitted through my mind and that is he wanted to remind you in his own sick way that he wasn't w/you this holiday.

Mlcers like and want control over everything, even things and people that they don't want in their lives any longer. This is where you will need to gently take back the control over your life and do the things that you need to do to carry on the business and also at home.

Mlcers tend to set up reminders on holidays, anniversaries, and special events just to remind us that they aren't w/us. They want us to remember them and yes, make us as miserable as they are. On that note, I would stop worrying about what he's doing and live my life to the fullest.

Mlc is not confusing once you've figured out that they brains are scambled and they are operating on pure emotions.

Enjoy your day and get in another bike ride!

[foreverhesaid]

On my way out the door with bike now.....

Oh, Snodderly - I hope that someday I can achieve the clarity of vision that you have about these things. Its so hard when we're slogging through the middle of the MLC swamp.