Yes, M&H, he kept saying about how he was being so nice to show me things such as how to run the household and business, but my increasingly worse attitude was making it hard for him to care.
As if him 'being nice' in showing me how to keep our business from failing when he bails, excuses his affair! I know that this is teenager talking, but it doesn't mean it doesn't get under my skin.
Meanwhile here I am at the office, going to have to explain again to the staff that H couldn't deal with real life and had to run away again. <sigh>
At least when I'm mad I can hold myself together better, otherwise I'm just a big puddle of crying mess. I'm going to go dark as usual while he's gone and he'll probably show up on sunday again acting like nothing is wrong.
I'm rapidly getting to the point where I only think him leaving entirely is going to make things better.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
If some major assets are not addressed in those papers, you better think twice about oral conversations with him. Run, do not walk, to your lawyer's office and have those major assets adderssed in black and white. They will promise you the moon and stars...bottom line, they are lying through their teeth in the hopes that you will not draw up papers that stipulate who gets what and when. His question about being a jerk and taking the stuff....yes he would...he was projecting on to you so that you would think he was such a kind soul....please do not believe it...you have to take care of yourself and do not rely on anything he says or promises right now.
As for telling family about the situation...that's on him. He's the one running and he sould be the one to address the issues w/his family.
Take care of yourself and leave him swinging in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, Trapt, I do try to be careful. My H and I own the business and with a small staff its very obvious when he isn't there. They know that he's been acting strange for the past 2 years, and "he's not feeling well" just doesn't really cut it anymore. I didn't really say he needed to run away, just that he didn't feel up to coming into the office. They have had to deal with the teenager and anger as well, so they know its a euphemism for him freaking out again.
Snodderly, I remember you addressed this before. I will definitely have to see the lawyer despite H saying we would work things out. Of course he hasn't given me any reason to trust him.
About telling his family - that is basically what I said to him. I figured that it should be up to him to address his infidelity, and he blew up and turned it into something about me not caring at all. I'm not sure if he meant him or the relationship, sometimes its hard to decipher MLC speak. I think alot of that spew is he has such anger towards his mother, and I got caught in the backwash.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
So H is not in the office today and it was very busy. I got two emails and 2 voice messages from my credit card company that we have a fraud alert on our card and its been frozen because of suspicious activity. Of course I can't ask H because he is not here, so sent him an email asking him to tell me if he has put anything on the card so that I can verify if it is fraud or not.
At 5pm I finally get back an email that he tried to order......
A LIGHTSABRE!!!!! FROM HONG KONG!!!!!
Apparently it was something that they featured on the news sites this morning. I just wanted to shake my head and go "really? and you're how old??????"
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Forever - I'm sorry I know that this is not funny at all, but I just couldn't help it....got a bit of a laugh attack after reading that he was trying to buy....
A LIGHTSABRE!!!!! FROM HONG KONG!!!!!
...yeah really...the MLC teenager
I can relate to the office situation...our business is suffering through this big way...and there is no use talking to him about it...he thinks that everything will be fine...the business...the children (from both families), the parents....I feel sorry for them when they wake up...if they wake up.
Quote:
I'm rapidly getting to the point where I only think him leaving entirely is going to make things better
It does and it doesn't...in my case it's a no-win. You get relief from the drama but I feel that I'm giving up the connection that we still have.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I've been reading your sitch right along and often ache for what we are both going through. As I've said before, for us the MLC has taken not only our spouses and best friends, but our business partners as well.
When my H first started leaving - first it was an hour or so early on friday, then lunchtime, next it was he'd come in to the office for only an hour in the morning and then dissappear.... This was the first time that he actually took off mid week. When I tried to address this with him, he just said that he thought that he made things too easy for the staff, and that with him not being there they should learn to appreciate any help he might give them.
I could only shake my head. Yeah, when he leaves for his funtime, the work doesn't get any less, we just all have to shoulder a piece of what he's not doing. When he's gone if the D does happen, I'm going to have to try to hire someone else to help us. Its a pain in the rear, but at least the whole business won't collapse. Its just hard to work, I feel such an absence when he's not there, yet I still have to do my stuff, commiserate with the staff and try to keep them from being frustrated, make sure things get done, and not fall apart emotionally.
The lightsabre really had me scratching my head. Is he going to play Starwars with the OW?
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
This past week the lawyer sent an email, wanting to make an appointment to go over divorce paperwork.
I told my husband that I was not going to make an appointment until he answered all of my questions about running our business. I had a list at least 4 pages long of things I wanted him to go over.
He got mad, saying "are you telling me that you are going to use this as leverage before you will discuss the divorce papers?"
I told him that I needed to make sure I had everything covered before he would possibly just split and leave town. He then said, "I told you that I would always be available for your questions, are you saying you don't trust me to keep my word?"
I was completely flabbergasted. Here is a man who made me the most important promise one human can make to another, and apparently disregarded it without a thought. So you didn't keep our wedding vows, but I can trust you to answer questions about our business after we're divorced? I was steaming inside but managed to keep it together.
Instead, I know that one of his major MLC issues is his health. He has been dealing with a serious disease issue and one doctor told him he won't make it to age 45. I instead phrased my request as, "well, I don't know if you're going to be around to answer my questions, so I would like you to go over everything now." Maybe it wasn't nice to play on his fears, but he seemed to accept that and at least it didn't escalate into a fight.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
You handled the question comments very well. He really does have an issue w/trust these days. How much time are you going to give him to respond to your questions about the business?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I haven't given him a timeline. Since I don't want the divorce, I'm not looking to hurry things along in any way. This way it rests entirely on his shoulders, he has to give me the info that I want, plain and simple.
Since he disappeared again early friday morning there obviously has been no talk this weekend. Called about half and hour ago and says he'll be home for dinner this evening.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
