I have been in/out of here awhile - much longer than expected. Brief updated of my sitch - been separated for 11/2 yrs. We were supposed to reunite 6 months ago and H backed out. We tried to keep things going with small steps of progress and then he would back off again. The only thing I had been doing differently was to let his have his space instead of trying to draw him back in.
And when he started his stuff right before the holidays I cut it off this time. He tried to reach out as usual but remained silent. Then he started the negative communications and I have felt very disappointed that he doesn't see that this does not work for us. He has a long history of leaving others, but it is usually a clean one time break. But with me, he keeps coming back for the first time in his life and I don't understand this behavior.
At this point he is asking to end the marriage b/c he in his view we have tried and failed. My view is that he starts to try and when we hit a bump -he runs away and wants out. So I don't how much to believe he will really end it or wants to end it.
The marriage has been short, we had some serious obstacles early on that have been resolved at this point so I am bewildered about what to do next. I have a very short list of family and friends for support ( two adult children who are not married or in relationships and two friends who are not married and not looking)
If you don't want to divorce, then make him do the work.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
been awhile waiting to see what he does. I did make a call a few weeks after the last post. His response was to cut me off and stay firm that he thinks it should be done. When asked about filing for D, he said he hadn't and later called to say he thinks we should do this jointly. He refuses to do it alone then went on to bring up things from the past.
my response is that I don't want to D but won't fight it if he does. I also reminded him that this isn't a joint decision.
Any suggestions on how to move things forward? Therapist though that if I agreed to go through the motions of giving him what he wants that he probably won't follow through. MC thinks he is just trying to control the situation and if I make this gesture I will be giving him the control he needs to work through this. Sounds mixed up to me?
