It's done. We had our final decree today at court. The judge gave me a few gifts. I believe it was his way of making things right.
We were married 19 years. The standard for spousal support in our state, based on need, is 1/2 the term of the marriage.
After hearing all testimony and having 10 days to review the exhibits, the judge gave me 12 years of spousal support.
My attorney said this was unheard of, especially since I have a job and the ex doesn't. In negotiations, the ex had offered me 5 years spousal support, I asked for 8. The judge gave me 12.
I also got the house and hopefully can modify the loan so we can keep it. I figure I stand a good chance with the mortgage company since I have a job.
The ex was also strongly urged to find some sort of employment (with pay equallying at least what I'm making) or the judge advised me to bring him back to court and he would find for willful underemployment and significantly boost the child and spousal support amounts.
If I stay here and continue to post on my own thread, I will be moving over into the Divorced forum. It's been a long 18 month journey since I joined here. There were days/nights when I didn't think I'd make it through the next 24 hours. I did. There were days when I barely managed to keep breathing. I wouldn't wish this divorce journey on my worst enemy.
However, since I joined here my advice has been standard.
When an airplane is going down, they advise you to:
Put on your own mask first. Save yourself first.
I asked my therapist on Saturday to give me one piece of wisdom to hold onto while I was waiting for the final court date. He reminded me that being in an abusive relationship with my ex was making me emotionally very sick.
I saved myself. No regrets.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.