Ugh! It's so hot here that the idea of hot towels makes me want to faint.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
In a bit of a slump. The UK Government announced yesterday that by 2013 it will have phased out the organisation I work for in the NHS. To be fair I've maybe a slightly better chance than some of retaining some sort of a job as I've got a very specialised role and there are laws that have to be met by the NHS that my job deals with. However it's not what I want to be hearing.
Add into that yesterday I took it upon myself to send XH a txt offering out the proverbial olive branch for the sake of the children (ours and his). He couldn't even be bothered to reply so I guess that means he isn't interested. You have to laugh really as it should be him who is waving the white flag at me after all he has put me through.
OW has snet another letter to D20. She is alledging that D20 said when OW was pregnant that the baby was someone elses other than XHs. IF it was said I am very angry with D20 as even if she said it in anger she should have apologised when she calmed down. When I told her this she suddenly become less open about what she has actually said in the past so I think I might have hit a raw nerve. What XH has said and done to D20 in the past is beyond belief but if she has said things like this I can't (and won't) condone it. It's just such a shame that theree is an innocent baby in all of this.
All this being said OW did then go on to tlake about MY D15 saying she wouldn't allow D20 to see her when she is at her dads either. that is equally bang out of order.
I've decided to stay quiet on the whole situation as if I interfere I will either be accused of putting D20 up to it or D20 will think I'm siding with XH. I'm doing neither.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
You are wise to stay out of it. Your XH should've sorted out his R with D20 ages ago, but he allowed it to fester. She is the eldest, and I think at the time he left, she understood the ramifications of it a lot better than the younger ones. She understood that her kid sister and little brother will no longer have a live-in dad like she had growing up. It's going to take a lot for D20 to 'feel the love' again, for her dad (his love always seems to come with conditions ... am I right?), and I think OW will always be the evil person who messed with her family. Hopefully, when she is a little older and wiser, things may change. In the meantime, you are right to keep quiet.
This is the impression I get.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I decided to sit D20 down and have a chat with her. I have to admit this was after I had sounded her BF out to see how he thought she would take it. I told her that IF she had said the things OW accused her of (if only in anger) she should apologise. I told her I thought that at very least she should consider apologising for anything said in anger that she may even have realised she was saying in the heat of the moment. I made it quite clear that I wasn't standing up for XH just that I was doing what I have always done and was expressing my opinions about what I thought was right. At the time she was adamant that she didn't want anything to do with her dad and that when the baby was older IF she (D20) chose to have a R with her then she would do so then. I pointed out tht if this were to fester for all that time the baby would probably grow up being told that her elder sister had spread rumours that she wasn't XHs daughter and that if this happened she would never want a R with D20. She said she was happy to not have her dad in her life but there were tears in her eyes when she said this and I made no bones about pointing that out. Anyway I said what I felt needed saying and then it at that.
Yesterday lunchtime she phoned me at work to tlel me that she had TMd OW to say that if at anytime she had said things in anger that shouldn't have been said she was sorry. She told her she wanted nothing to do with XH until such time as he apologised (genuinely) for all the hurt he had caused her and her siblings and most especially me. She pointed out that clearly XH had not been very frank about the truth of what he has said to her over the years. She ended with saying she loved her baby sister and hoped taht her christening went well.
She got a reply back from OW sayig thank you for the apology and that she was now welcome to attend the christening on Sunday and that an inviitation would be forwarded to her (OW has kept her word on that). OW told D20 that she would not comment on D20s R with XH as thatwas none of her business (at long last she is beginning to realise some truth).
I knew my instincts were right b/c D20 and her BF are now going to the christening along with the other two. I feel vindicated for sticking my neck out (with the right person)to help D20 cope with all that has happenedto her. I just pray and hope that XH does not start on her again at the christening. I just hope that if he ever finds out abut my interventiosn that he is grateful.
On a happier note D20 got the results of this year's modules and if she had been graduating she would have got a 1st class degree. I am so prouud of her. She was hysterical whenshe found out as she thought she had failed some of them.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Good job Alison. It is difficult as a parent to see your kids hurt. I have tried to stay out of stuff involving ex but if the kids are upset about something with him, I do hear them out and maybe and give them some ideas on how to proceed. Life is tough going through this. Keep being their rock.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well the christening has been and gone. All the kids seemed to enjoy themselves although D20 said it was awkward with XSIL and another female friend (used to be our friend but now XH/OWs) as she said they were really off hand with her. She quite correctly identified this is probably b/c they have only heard XHs side of the story. She ignored them and spent most of the time with her siblings and her BF. Seems that for once they all stuck together which is brilliant.
To keep my mind off things I went looking for a new car.... and bought one! In less than 2wks time I will be the proud owner of a brand new toyota auris. This divorce lark is so liberating when you let it be
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
This divorce lark is so liberating when you let it be.
I am glad to read it .... I am in the process of separating. It's going slow. You know, ACJ, perhaps your XH did you a favour by just leaving and never looking back (that you know of). It forced you to adapt. Whereas, my M has lingered, and slowly over 6 years died. My H did very little to step up one way or the other. I almost wish he had just left because one keeps hoping and hoping, but deep down you know this isn't going to work.
Super that your kids stuck together. I say a friend who doesn't hear both stories, isn't a friend at all, esp. if they hear bad things. You'd think they would come to you and ask if it's true. I tell my friends I'm leaving, but never really make H look as if he is a bad guy, just not insightful, but not evil.
'Eh! You know who your true friends are at a time like this.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I am sure someone special will come into your life just when you least expect it...