Drop in any time, Tom! My life is an open book...or post. Today I am a very busy fellow. In the morning I went to a Men's breakfast at my church, this afternoon I went to a Town Hall meeting in my riding where the leader of the political party I belong to was coming to take questions and this evening I am going to a concert at the church. I even got my grocery shopping done in between. Last night I was at a lacrosse game with my dad. Am I overdoing it? Most likely.I'm going with the energy while I still got it! Btw, I went for my ultra-sounds and x-rays first thing yesterday morning, I wasn't expecting the way they took pictures of my prostate, I was wide awake after that, no need for caffeine. Anyway, later dbers.
Well, Whatis did over do it! This week I'm exhausted...serves me right! I lay down about 10:30 pm last night and never woke up. My kids turned my light off and covered me up. I took yesterday off work, I just had no energy. Slept until 11:30 am and in the afternoon did my income taxes. I figured I had the afternoon, might as well get it done. So, I've got to learn to take things a bit at a time when I've got energy...I'm still learning!
I forgot to mention that STBX is still sending me emails about the cottage in the summer, "If you're interested let me know"...what does she think I've forgotten that she wants me to go away with her and the girls for seven days? I have nightmares over the thought of it! Anyway, on that note, I took the kids out for dinner the other night and mentioned that the cottages at the resort they are going to are all named after the seven dwarfs...I'm not kidding...and my oldest said "oh my gosh, I hope mommy didn't reserve Grumpy cottage or I'm staying home!" Yes, STBX is still charming the kids.
Maybe your energy is still being sapped because you give so much of it to your M and W. I'm not sure why you call her STBX as you don't seem headed for D.
I don't think this holding pattern you are in is benefiting anyone but your W, who gets to feel good because you two are such good buddies. But, you aren't. You aren't friends. You aren't lovers. You aren't partners. It hurts you when you spend time with her. It hurts you to keep up this pretense. It hurts you to stay in limbo. It hurts you to keep doing things for appearances, to feel like you are the evolved separated spouse. You aren't evolved. You are stuck in a cycle of slow self-abuse. It is exhausting. It is bad for your immune system. It is bad for you.
I've told her I'm not planning to but I did ask her what cottage she was intending to go to out of curiousity. She may have interpreted this as renewed interest. OT, you are quite correct that STBX and I are not friends or lovers but we are partners in raising our kids. We celebrate occassions such as birthdays, mothers/fathers day, Christmas, etc together as a family. Does this stop me from separating emotionally? Possibly. Yet, I don't sit around thinking about her or fantasizing about getting her back but the connection may make it harder to move on. Neither of the two therapists I have seen are alarmed at what I do with STBX. My goal right now is to be content with what I have because when that is true I can look for other R's in a healthy way. I'm not interested in grabbing someone just because I'm lonely and need some validation. I'm just having a bit of trouble with that right now because I'm tired and keep pushing more than I should to get back to where I want to be physically and emotionally.Anyway thanks for your thoughts as they are always thought provoking!
You are married with no D on the table and no progress toward D. It is certainly not time to be thinking about other romantic Rs. You are where you were years ago, or backwards a bit. At one time it seemed as though you might actually D. No, you are just coasting.
You fret and get through all the events you describe. You are pleasant. You wear a brave face. They never seem to leave you happy. And, they surely narrow the space in your life for any real romantic partner to close to nil. Not that that matters -- your W isn't your romantic partner and you are firmly married, so you ought not have another.
Right now, it's chedder goat cheese. I hope you didn't get the impression I am presently looking for a romantic interest, I'm not. I want to stabilize my single life and, yes, be joyful in it before looking for someone to add to it. That's a challenge right now. All the things I do to bring joy are also energy consuming and I'm trying to put out more energy than I have. I've got to wind down a bit and be patient with myself. I don't hate my life, I'm just impatient with it and hard on myself when I'm not perfect!
Btw, I went for my ultra-sounds and x-rays first thing yesterday morning, I wasn't expecting the way they took pictures of my prostate, I was wide awake after that, no need for caffeine.