I'm so pleased you all liked the pics, I had such a fantastic time. And a big hello W2G, I've missed you round here!
I've had my last session with Jody and she said some really helpful/ interesting things that I thought y'all may be interested in. In fact it has really helped me in coming to terms with what has happened and the fact I am getting divorced.
She asked me how I would be feeling now if we were still together and he was acting in the way he has been? - the constant being at work and obsession with work, the heavy drinking, the rude/ loud/ annoying behaviour and selfishness (my descriptions not hers, of course she didn't cast aspersions). In fact he was very much like that before he left and I was absolutely miserable and I still would be if I was in that situation. She said he clearly has needed to get this stuff out of his system and the nicest thing he has done for me is to not drag me into where he has gone. That he can not delay gratification for himself and cannot say no and that I would never have been able to set boundaries on that behaviour. He couldn't stay because there was no way that he could act out that behaviour and be with me.
She said that had we stayed together and he had continued down the path that he has chosen there would not have been good feeling between us in fact there would have been a lot of bad feeling and there is no way that we could have stayed friends. The situation that I am in now is that there is a lot of positive feeling towards each other (to the extent that we care about each other and even buy presents for each other etc.) and this means that I can move forward with a clean slate rather than holding onto bad feelings.
She also said that this process was much more about him than me being a horrible or bad wife (which is what I have always struggled with) and that the Chron's had had a big impact on his life and life choices.
Reframing it in this way, which is totally different to my feeling like a bad person because I am getting divorced has helped me so much. I would have absolutely hated bad feeling between us and that would have been very hard to live with.
So, I am going to have to have the conversation about the fees for the divorce with him and I know what I am going to say. Roughly - initially I ticked that he should pay the costs because none of this is anything I have initiated. And that to me it is semantics whether he got involved with another woman 6 weeks before or six weeks after he left because at the time we were still married. However, I need to sort it out because of the timing as I am going to be out of the country for a year or more so I am willing to pay half.
Hey Julia, It's been awhile for me. Thanks for the insight of Jody. I totally agree & have felt that way about my own sitch for a long time. It brings some sort of peace to all of this.
Wonderful to hear you had a fantastic time on your vacation!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Thanks for stopping by Julia. Yes, I am a bit in shock but I knew it would be about a year after he told me. Maybe it was harder to see after we had a decent chat just a couple of days before...
Hope you are doing well. Loved all of your pictures!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ms M! I was wondering about you the other day. How are you?
Kat, you know whenever I see anything to do with ow it always just feels like an invasion to me and also rubs salt in the wound.
Well, today I found out that I got the job in Bangkok. I start on the 19th April. I would have preferred an extra month as I was going to move back to my parents and save my last month’s salary but hey ho. Money will just have to be tight. I'm so excited and this just feels so right.
I asked h to meet this week. He got back to me pretty quickly actually but still pinning him down on a day is still a challenge. Hopefully after this meeting that'll be us sorted, but I am learning that every time I think that something else throws itself up. I tell you though, when I am on that plane to Thailand leaving my stresses behind (probably to swap for a load of new stresses ) life will feel good I hope.
I have never been outside of North America...that would be an amazing trip/reunion!
Funny I always say reunion even though I haven't actually MET any of you before...
The new job sounds like such an exciting adventure!
Does your H know about it? Wasn't sure if I had read anything about that or not. Good luck on your meeting with him, hopefully things won't be prolonged for you more than they already have been...
I hand in my notice for my house today and next week will hand in my notice for my job - scary!!! Also, I'm really scared that they are going to be cross with me - that is irrational and I guess it doesn't matter even if they are but still. They will be stuck as I am the only employee.
My only issue is Maple at the moment. It is so hard trying to find foster parents (!) for her. I haven't exhausted all options yet though. I am going to miss her especially as she was all cute yesterday
There are still no firm arrangements with h so I sent him a reminder text. I haven't told him yet as I was going to do it when we meet up. I think he will be very shocked - although if he ever looks at my FB page he will get clues. Last time I suggested that I might go travelling for a year he looked gutted. Perhaps he should have thought of that before he left me. Let's hope he gets his act together for tomorrow night as I really want to sort this out.
So many people are really sad to see me go but at the same time so happy. I can't wait to throw my leaving party but also to get away from this cold weather. It was snowing *again* this morning.
) life will feel good I hope.
