Matilda, This seems like a turning point for a new thread. My W has mentioned to me that spending time with her dance friend has been eye-opening for her. He reminded her of the person she doesn't want to be or become. She got to be the recipient of bad behavior--blaming, temper tantrums, self-centeredness.
I still journal in the mornings, but I admit that dancing is what consumes my thoughts 24/7. I'm either viewing class recordings, practicing technique in front of the mirror, or going to a venue/lesson alone or with my W. I think it's fair to say that I'm doing something dance related every day.
I signed-up for my own dance lesson package, which includes five private lessons and an assortment of group lessons and workshops. I've never spent money for private lessons before on myself. Since it's my dime, I can determine how I want the time to be spent, and personalize it to meet my needs.
My W is talking about putting us in a $50/night guest house, which would involve sharing a bathroom. As I've said, she's become conscious about her spending. She's funding the trip, so I'll try to be adventurous, and let her call the shots. I don't want her fretting about money. It might be fun venturing away from the mainstream hotels. I'm going to need to keep my translation book close by.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Doc, Matilda, Jak, and DB Friends, My W and I went to lunch after her private dance lesson yesterday. This has become a weekly ritual. I accompany her to record her lesson. During our conversation at lunch, she mentioned that I seem happier these days--ballroom dancing, pet sheep dog, return to church.
She said that she's happier also, with the onset of changes beginning with her current job about two years ago. She said that we don't know when we're going to die, and that it's important to prioritize what's important in life. She no longer frets about falling short of housecleaning standards. Her priorities with disposable income is to spend it on dance lessons and vacations.
She wrote a scathing email to her former dance friend. She is still angry about his public display of verbal abuse several weeks ago, and his lack of remorse for his behavior. He is still in Puerto Rico visiting family.
My W and I were out dancing three nights in a row this weekend. I go mainly to develop a network in the latin dance community, to be a companion to my W, to make social connections, and to practice what I learn in class.
There's a picture of me from the Friday night party on Facebook, dancing with two ladies at the same time. My W got a big kick out of it. I danced and reconnected with a former dance teacher (who's almost 60, and is in better shape than most people in the room) who got me to "let me my hair down" and shake my booty. It was a privilege to dance with her.
I feel like a student coming back to school for his sophomore year after the summer off. I now have some skill, confidence, and experience under my belt in the latin dance community. I'm not yet able to do fancy tricks, but I'm probably in the upper 1/3 in terms of skill level.
I have family coming into town for the holidays. My W is talking about joining us for dinner. She may be ready to reconnect with my family after being estranged for many years. It's her choice, and I'm fine if she's not ready.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
...she mentioned that I seem happier these days--ballroom dancing, pet sheep dog, return to church.
Awesome! So glad you're enjoying your activities, you must be making significant strides if she's noticing. I hope you enjoy your family this week, and that you have a very merry Christmas CL.
P.S. I watched 'Holiday Inn' with my 3-year-old last week, and the dancing make me think of you.
Aud, Matilda, Jak, Doc, My W is joining me for dinner with my family this year. They are in town. Usually I travel out of town with my dog to my hometown. I can't remember the last time my family has seen my W. I think it was several years ago, maybe longer than that.
I'm nervous about it, yet happy to have her join me. I'm worried that my W may accidently reveal aspects of our marital problems. I want our problems to stay private.
I can't control everything, including people's opinions and judgments of my W and marriage. If someone tries to engage me in a conversation about topics I consider private, than I can choose not to participate.
I'll have to let the evening play itself out. Family relationships are secondary. What's most important is the progress my W and I are making.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I'm nervous about it, yet happy to have her join me. I'm worried that my W may accidently reveal aspects of our marital problems. I want our problems to stay private.
CL
God please help me to access:
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (life, other people),
the courage and willingness to change the things I can (me, my own attitudes and behaviors),
and the wisdom and clarity to know the difference.
Good luck and merry Christmas CL
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Jak, Matilda, Aud, Doc, and DB Friends, The holidays went well. My W went to two of my family's events--a dinner at my brother's home and a dinner at a restaurant. People were on good behavior. Whenever my W said something that was overly personal or critical, they let it pass. She was on good behavior, and seemed to have a nice time.
Her sister and BIL are separated. My W's theory is that her sister is being self-centered and rigid (won't date her H, won't allow visitors, is critical, is never happy) My W has been stating often lately that she doesn't want to be like people like her sister or her ex-dance friend.
My sister asked if she could stop by the house to visit my sheep dog. This served as a spark for my W to clean. She was up all night cleaning bathrooms, the kitchen, doing laundry. When I got up I pitched in. The place is looking great. My W didn't complain, and seemed to appreciate the catalyst for cleaning.
I'm beginning to not recognize my W. She said the other day that she is feeling content. I asked what's contributing to it, and she didn't know. She said that having the trip to look forward to helps. I've never heard the word content to describe herself before. She has lost seven pounds (135 lb.) which she attributes to cutting down on sugar, and not eating so much at restaurants.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
