Do you have a L? If not it's time to protect yourself and your family.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Oh, sweetie, I just wanted you to know that I'm still keeping up w/ you! I'm so sorry that things are going the way they are right now, but just know that they will get better in time!
I heard some pretty awful things from my H during our D sitch.
I have to tell you that the one thing I wish I could do over from my D sitch is to stand up for myself more. I feel I ended up losing a lot of self-respect in the end even though my M is still intact, at what cost to my soul?
Do you think you should change the locks since he is not staying at the house any longer? I don't think he should be able to just decide what he is going to take & go in there while you are at work & help himself! Please contact your L about this.
We've all made our fair share of mistakes in our M's, girl, but there is nothing you could have done that deserves the treatment he is giving you now. It's verbal abuse & you don't need to listen to it. Listen to CG & just don't respond when he starts up.
You need to find yourself in all of this & be happy w/ yourself. I sold myself out to save my M and will never be able to get that back. Please look deep inside yourself and love you for you and love your kids and just learn to be happy w/ that! Please don't worry about finding anyone else right now. Don't keep telling yourself how lonely you are for a man. You don't NEED a man! Please find yourself and the courage I know you have to get through all of this before you make any decisions about anything else.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You're right.. I need to be happy with myself in all of this.
It all boils down to money.
I feel as though this wasn't a marriage but rather a business transaction.
He also says that the situation overseas with the OW (and possible baby being his) has nothing to do with OUR situation. (!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?*@(#*)@(*) is he crazy! it has everything to do with it!
He is nickle and diming me for every penny he ever spent on me.
He didn't take anything from my place btw. it was all a game. He was messing with me...
He is just so cruel..it's like he is out for blood.
What do I do for my sanity?
I have to have contact with him for the kids.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
1. Get a lawyer. 2. See a family therapist if you can afford one. 3. Get rest, excercise and relaxation. 4. Vent here if you need to do that. 5. Focus on YOU and your kids now.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Hi Time, Was away for a few days so just getting caught up on your sitch ... I am so, so sorry to hear of all the spiteful, abusive things your H has been doing and saying to you. My heart goes out to you today. Stay strong.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
1. Get a lawyer. 2. See a family therapist if you can afford one. 3. Get rest, excercise and relaxation. 4. Vent here if you need to do that. 5. Focus on YOU and your kids now.
1. Done.. am actually going over paperwork.. spoke to L last night and L spoke to H's L and apparently it's about MONEY. she said he is handling D but all his L spoke about was the assets and money.. not what route we were taking, whether we were S or going right for D. 2. Am going to make an appt asap. i need it. 3. Working on this. 4. Absolutely. 5. Trying to wholeheartedly.
Thanks guys!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
1. Get a lawyer. 2. See a family therapist if you can afford one. 3. Get rest, excercise and relaxation. 4. Vent here if you need to do that. 5. Focus on YOU and your kids now.
yup! I agree with all of this.
and
6. Hang out with papayachic (((sweetie)))
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
He never took a thing from me. it was all a game. he wanted to mess with me. ugh
Yesterday I took the day off for son's graduation (from K). The day before, H and I had been IMing on skype for a little while, just normal chit chat. .he was filling me in on some work stuff that was going on... his stress, money problems, etc.
H met us there and it was a nice ceremony and little after party.
After it was over, I asked H if we should do something to celebrate? he said that's a good idea and that he was up for whatever I/S wanted to do.
I asked him if he wanted to go to a local amusement park and he said that sounded great. I then asked if he wanted to drop his car off and take one or if he wanted to follow. he said he would drop his car off, so he did and we went.
H saw me being loose and not uncomfortable around him and that loosened him up. While we were at the kiddie park, S was going on rides so it gave us the opportunity to talk ALOT.
Basically, he is paranoid. He feels like he has hit rock bottom. Has nothing. Business has tanked and he feels like I've screwed him over. I told him that just because all his other "friends" or whatever have screwed him over, didn't mean that I was going to. I told him that I understood where we stand in this R and that we are going to get S/D or whatever but that we have 3 young children and they are my main focus.
He then said that they were his too and he feels like he could have done more financially during the time that he has spent with them (taking care of them during the day; rather than working). I said that he may look at it as a negative but that time he has had with the kids has been amazing for them and that he has made up for alot.
He kept telling me over and over that he is not with OW. he only called her up recently to ask her for a favor being that he has no one else there (to change the locks). I told him that that isn't what she said and he said that she is just messing with me and doesn't want us together. I could understand that but even still, I feel deceived. He said that techinically, we were on the oughts when he contacted her so he didn't feel it mattered at that point, because we weren't together.
I told him that even though we aren't "together" we are still M and he should respect me and the children.
He needs to start realizing that one day the truth will come out and these kids will know about this unfortunate time in our life.
I also told him that it's sad that he would stoop so low as to accuse me of having an A and that our youngest D isn't his.
he said that he needs me to understand that there was a time when I didn't want anything to do with him (this is true). we were best friends... I didn't want to have sex with him.. I'd push him away and tell him I didn't want him near me (sexually). (this is all true :() we have 3 beautiful children and they were planned (true again). So in his mind, he thought heck, if she isn't having sex with me, maybe she has someone else? couple that with my quitting my job, he thought I was having an A with someone at my office and that that is why I quit my job (This is just crazy really). Then our daugther is platinum blonde and with blue eyes (like his entire family; mother's Irish side).. and yet he and I are both brown haired and I have brown eyes andhe has hazel green)
So then I said that he did the most selfish thing ever. rather than be concerned with me (I had told him on multiple ocasions that I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had zero libido..after having baby(ies) and went to the doctor to have my hormone levels checked and even went on hormone replacement therapy. I was like "do you NOT remember that" and he was just silent like he had just realized something new..
We went back and forth really. He just feels like he has been screwed every which way.. Even asked me for a neck massage ;/ and we joked and what not..
he also kept making clear to me that he just doesn't want to be with me and it isn't because of another woman. I told him that he can think whatever he wants but if I had feelings for someone else, I wouldn't want him either.
I told him we need towork together. He agreed. He said he just wanted to do a S and get our stuff in order. I agreed. He also said that a S/D is too much money and we don't have it. I agreed as well..
I told him that I never expected us to repair years of hurt and pain in a matter of weeks or months. all I had wanted to do was to give us BOTH space and work on our money issues and the kids, be friends again and then later on see what happens... but that that didn't happen.
instead his mother came and it put an immense amount of pressure on both of us. between her asking him what he's doing and scrutinizing every little move we made and questioning everything.. there was no way of giving each other space. I was a moving target because of it just as much as he was.
We kept chatting back and forth. not heated or anything. he opened up and told me a lot of things that were going on with him (in terms of the business, who he spoke with, etc.)
Afterwards, we went for food and then returned and he played with S for a while, then took him to practice and then brought him back later and said goodnight and that was that.
He text me in the morning and I dropped S off at his place and then he called and asked me to access something on my PC because his Mac was all screwy..
I checked intel and in my convo with him the day of our blowup (monday) I had told him that OW had all sorts of pics of her and other guys on her myspace page. He called me a liar.. saying I'm making it up.. Well, he checked out her myspace page and saw for himself. anyways, he also checked out my fb page as well.
I also noticed that this morning, he sent his mother an email. saying that he won't screw her over. thanked her for her help and that he plans on repaying her the money she lent him.
he also said that he is not the bad person here or AKA cheater. that I am playing victim and he cannot believe his family has turned on him and is on my side. he said that HE has been trying to do the right thing by the kids and in the process I have been working and not paying bills and have been keeping my money.. but no worries that he will be bigger and better than before and that she doesn't have to reply if she doesn't want to.
I am keeping busy and GAL. I even signed up for a match.com account and am getting alot of attention and it feels so good. it gives me hope and makes me realize that I do NOT deserve this treatment and I can find someone else to treat me the way that i deserve.
I am not going to mention anything about the email and see if his mother says anything to me. she is tricky like that so who knows. she will want to have one over on me.
We shall see what happens.
HUGS TO ALL!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
