I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

Called me Jekyll and Hyde.

Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, on my own thread that I had closed.

Let me guess, sometimes this all gets to you, and you have had a history of not expressing anger, and sometimes it just comes out all at once briefly?

I have to get things off my chest.. If I don't, I explode..

[timehealsall]

She's probably still in shock.

I know I was when I heard a speech pretty much like the following:

he can't stand me, hates me, doesn't like touching me, kissing me, sleeping with me. He can't stand to even look at me. Hopes that one day I can hurt like I hurt him.

My W had ideas about the type of woman that would be good for me too on top of that. Sigh.

He's mad, he blames you for his own affair, and it's easier to turn you into a punching bag than live with the guilt. Sad stuff. You're going to be OK.

You might have made some mistakes in your M (who hasn't?), but you didn't make him cheat, and nobody deserves this.

Yup, he does. a "rich guy who will take care of me" ugh! I've never been like that! he makes me out to be a golddigger! (which he has also called me!) I have always worked (since I was 15)... throughout HS and college, i worked multiple jobs as well. I supported him and always contributed to everything.. Anything I made was made for US, not me or him. I'd easily give him money to buy himself something before I bought myself something... it's ridiculous.

I do need to go dark and worry about. I feel calm today. I wish I can stay like this. it's like I'm realizing more and more that he is just not right and there is nothing i can do or say to change that.

[CityGirl]

Your H could give my H a run for his money as "BS Master".

I know it is terribly painful to hear these things. If this makes you feel any better NONE of what your H is saying is unique. It's lame and a way for them to blame shift so they can *try* and push aside the feelings of guilt or shame.

My H doesn't regret his affair either. He once said "I never wanted to hurt you" and my response was "ok, then what exactly where your intentions?". Funny he had no answer!

Clearly these long conversations are not productive as the two of you never got to discussing what needed to be discussed (finances and such) so avoid them if you can in the future.

I know it is maddening to hear this crap. Stay strong!

[timehealsall]

Your H could give my H a run for his money as "BS Master".

I know it is terribly painful to hear these things. If this makes you feel any better NONE of what your H is saying is unique. It's lame and a way for them to blame shift so they can *try* and push aside the feelings of guilt or shame.

My H doesn't regret his affair either. He once said "I never wanted to hurt you" and my response was "ok, then what exactly where your intentions?". Funny he had no answer!

Clearly these long conversations are not productive as the two of you never got to discussing what needed to be discussed (finances and such) so avoid them if you can in the future.

I know it is maddening to hear this crap. Stay strong!

Thanks CG!

Yup, H said the same thing "never meant to hurt you. you know I have a good heart. never thought I'd fall out of love with my wife"

sh!t, if I had another piece or arse on the side, I'd hate him too! lol jerk.

you're right.. it's like we keep jumping on this merry (or should I say not so merry) go around.

[TimeHeals]

Yup, he does. a "rich guy who will take care of me" ugh! I've never been like that! he makes me out to be a golddigger! (which he has also called me!) I have always worked (since I was 15)... throughout HS and college, i worked multiple jobs as well. I supported him and always contributed to everything.. Anything I made was made for US, not me or him. I'd easily give him money to buy himself something before I bought myself something... it's ridiculous.

It just sounds like part of his script justifying having an affair because "you wanted a rich guy" (plus insecurities).

For me, it was "you should be with a petite asian woman", and my response was "what the heck are you talking about?".

[timehealsall]

Just text me asking if he can take back my imac that he bought for me since he paid for it.

he asked if it was okay. of course, I said it wasn't.. he is saying he is going to take it though. WTF do I do?

[TimeHeals]

If it was a gift, don't let him take it. You can call the cops or a close relative or friend to come over if you need help.

[CityGirl]

One of the BEST things my C taught me was this: Not every contact a WAS in an affair makes requires an immediate response or a response at all.

This was drilled in my head (mostly because I had so much anxiety and was so emotionally reactive to my H) for months and months and months. IMO it was GREAT advice for me and maybe will help you out a little too.

Your H can say anything he likes but what he will actually do (or be allowed to do) are two very different things.

In the future if he asks about taking things that belong to you I would simply say: The division of JOINT property will take place with my attny.

You have given him several opportunities to sit down and talk with you about finances and such and each time it didn't happen.

For different reasons emotions are running high for the both of you. Lay low for a few days and regroup.

[TimeHeals]

Your H can say anything he likes but what he will actually do (or be allowed to do) are two very different things.

In the future if he asks about taking things that belong to you I would simply say: The division of JOINT property will take place with my attny.

This is good. And... you don't have to respond. Like it.

[timehealsall]

I need to do something.. he is going to drive me mad...

he is just texting me nonsense.

about how I ruined his day with my BS..

that I'm selfish and a taker.. he only gave and I took.

asking me for my rings..that he wants to sell them to pay my debts that i owe him.. asked where they were. then LOL and said what are you wearing them? and called me a liar

He is now taking the tv he says.

how can he do this? when we get home the kids are going to ask where the stuff is