thank you all!!! I guess I don't accept he is "with" OW because he is not receiving mail at her house and has not divorced me.
You are right, blownaway, that this could be his rock bottom. Hell, it might be mine! I don't know. We'll see soon. I promise!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
If he has OW there taking care of him. It answers a few questions.
Life gives us some very hard choices. And sometimes the difficult path is the one to take. The path where you step out of your comfort zone. Love him from far.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
NM, I think your reaction was to the idea of the "C" word, not the actual procedure, which is actually a very minor one. I know that having a loved one "go under" is a bit scary - H has had several operations. But I hope that you can emotionally put the brakes on your reaction until there are facts about his health status. Even if there is a real reason for concern about his health, you are in a tough place because you will have to manage your feelings and still DB as long as OW is on the scene.
Working from now, you've put yourself out there and shown your beautiful heart...and that may have been a good thing. But now pull back and let him find in his heart where he needs you and no-one else. The last thing that you need right now is to take on a "mommy/nursemaid" role with him. Let OW fuss over him...you still need to be the b!itch (referring to the WMLB book).
He knows that you're nurturing and caring and that you love him...Maybe a 180 for you is putting yourself out there and not following up in any way and keeping the ball in his court? Not showing concern or asking for updates. Letting him volunteer the details.
CB's right that he's choosing OW to be there in his time of vulnerability. That takes away your option of putting your heart on your sleeve I'm afraid.
(((newmama)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I just heard from him- he was out of it but said they were surprised and it looks benign. They'll know for sure today or tomorrow a.m.
Phew!
Now I am pissed. as in angry, not drunk! (not to get lost in translation)
Last edited by newmama; 03/04/1011:16 PM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I need to wait for my brain to inform me...seriously I am a weirdo with emotions because my body freaks out first (as in I want to cry or scream, or throw up or run) and I don't know first why.
My hunch is that it is related to this scary event taking place and WH chose to tell me about it but didn't choose to ask me to be there. So what does he want?
Please no need to respond to my question- I am just processing. I do know that my instinct is to pull waaaaay back after putting myself out there yesterday.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
And FM, you are right- I was upset about the big C more than the procedure although my friend informed me they ask the men "do you want more children? If so, bank your sperm" So if they asked him that with OW there and if they had to do all the other explanation of the procedure with her there...it just sucks.
He was with me with my laparoscopy awhile back and of course with birth of our son.
I don't need to hear what an a-hole he is and how I am a doormat etc. etc. Sorry just need to express my thoughts! I am ready for some jokes again....MF?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I don't need to hear what an a-hole he is and how I am a doormat etc. etc. Sorry just need to express my thoughts! I am ready for some jokes again....MF?
I don't think anybody on here thinks you're a doormat. You're hurt and upset ... take the time to process it and come back.
What you need is a hug ... {{{HUG}}}
Last edited by P17; 03/04/1011:51 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Thank you everyone for the hugs! And the bear hugs from my guy friends are especially appreciated! (lol hee hee!)
let's just say I won't have to try very hard to be "distant" with WH!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
That is great news. And it totally makes sense that you'd feel angry about making yourself vulnerable for something that turned out to be not a concern. Health crises are really intense for everyone.
Take all that loving/caring energy that you were ready to pour into H if he needed it, and pour it into you and your life.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
