Hello all I have just been reading some things on the internet & found I was struggling with these same issues, I just wanted some other opinions, thanks for taking the time
How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life?
Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left?
How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place?
What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone?
Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships? And how?
How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life?
Hard to say, physically a year and half roughly, emotionally, far far much longer. Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left?
Absolutley, it's hard to fathom how quickly it took to become dependant upon someone else in every aspect, especially mentally and it's even harder to deal with that initial lacking of support ripped away.
How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place?
Heh, the clock's still ticking.
What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone?
Miss? - The comradory and companionship, the simple knwoing, you lay your head to sleep at the end of a long hard day, you won't be alone.
Glad to see gone? 50,000 pairs of shoes.
Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships? And how? Yep, people change, including yourself.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life?
W is still very much part of my life, much to my chagrin. We have three kids that take precedence.
Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left?
I'm in better place mentally, physically and emotionally. I keep growing and changing everyday for me.
How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place?
For me it took about at least a year so far. The first 8 months were a challenge but once I let go and figured out the sun still came up in the morning it started getting better. I still have my ups and downs though.
What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone?
Nothing but the sex. Up until recently it felt like we were in the same crappy relationship only without the sex. As there is still some resentment I'm holding onto my expectation is that will change and I'll be able to focus on other things that I miss.
Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships? And how? So this seems to be a theme with me today but, the way I view relationships is quite different. Before I believed R were about two people being together as one. As such I really gave everything I had to the R. In doing so I lost myself and my identity. Now I look at R as more of a partnership not a completion of one's self. My next serious R will have clearly defined boundaries, roles and expectations.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life?
Sept 2007 was the first separation. R'd a year later for 8 months, then a second separation. We still talk now, and there's periodic fishing to see if we try again. We're both reluctant to D but not able to R. Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left?
Yes. For me the R was emotionally brutal. We'd been split for a year and she had originally left for an OM. So I felt pretty mixed up. When we R'd is was so much rejection and overwhelming emotions. I was needy. She wasn't able to deal with it in a healthy way. Once I got away from her for a bit (and dated/had sex with other women, and purged some lingering feelings of being unattractive - superficial I know, but wth...) I've gotten to a stronger space. How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place?
Once I did a real 180 that helped right away. Over the past 6 months. I still get pulled to her and am considering trying yet another R.
What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone?
I miss being a family, feeling like we were a team. I miss the naive love. The frequent withdrawing and rejection I'm happy to be done with.
Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships? And how?
Oh yeah, I don't believe in love the same way I did before. I view relationships as much more strategic and that men and women aren't really designed to be friends. The stuff that creates attraction in a woman - distance, challenge, humour - doesn't really allow men to relax in a relationship. I think men need to get emotional needs met by buddies, probably same with women. So love is there, but I don't believe in the whole best friend thing anymore. For a relationship to survive long term, the women needs to feel like her man loves her slightly less than she loves him. He needs to both love her and to keep her at a slight distance.
Last edited by seeking sanity; 10/07/0907:50 PM.
I don't care, then I do, then I don't, then I do... la de da
How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life? 10 1/2 Months
Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left? Yes.
How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place? About 9 months
What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone? Miss most? Companionship, touch, talking, snuggling, listening to her, her being there on her side of the bed or the passenger side of the truck. Her being there! Her boundless optimism, her humming, her smile. The honor, privilege and ecstasy of being inside her sexually.
Glad to see gone the last few months of inexplicable distancing between us. My judging of her and resulting resentment. I've discovered that in all my resentments, if I'm honest, I am resenting myself. For accepting x and not changing it, for not speaking up and speaking out. For not acting in a healthy, honest way. Intimacy is choosing to live in truth with another
Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships?And how?Yes. I thought - truly thought they were/this one was forever.I felt responsible for much of her happiness and gave her the same burden with me. We were together too much. A self contained unit. We were both selfless and selfless becomes self-less. More emphasis must be placed on - and lived by - the two "I's" involved in order to come together as a healthy "We".
Thanks for your time [/quote]
Last edited by Gardener; 10/25/0909:00 PM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Up until recently it felt like we were in the same crappy relationship only without the sex. As there is still some resentment I'm holding onto my expectation is that will change and I'll be able to focus on other things that I miss.