well- according to an email I read recently from the woman who is probably the 1st OW, yes, this is his second. I suspected before but had no proof so chose to trust. Why do I want to be together? Because I have spent the past 4 years of my life in love with him, dreaming about a future together. For some reason I've thought he'll change- this is just do to the stress he's had in life, etc. Now knowing that at the very least there was 1 EA and 1 instance of inappropriate online activity, I feel differently toward him. I still want to be with him, but he would have to regain my trust AND change the way he treats me, no longer taking issues out on me emotionally. Probably he won't do that, so I just have to accept that he must choose. I feel better now that it's out in the open- he has succeeded in making me feel badly about not asking about it before going to my parents- it's just that he's been so mean to me lately I couldn't be brave enough emotionally to do it.
You see how you now have the power? And you didn't have to fly down there to do it.
Don't let him twist what you know to be true. WASs in A will actually blame YOU for pushing them to do it. Craziness. You're now showing him you're not a doormat.
Do not back down on contacting him at the time you specified. If you do, you'll seem weak. I would even suggest you locking your phone away so you don't get tempted.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well.. he left one more VM... sounded tired... said hey....I love you... (breathing) then hung up. Wasn't sure if it was manipulation or he felt sorry or what. He changed the passwords to his email. Which breaks my heart. WHy doesn't he email me and explain whatever it is that needs explained? Trying to stay strong but tired of being at war with him. Should I call tomorrow and say I;m ready for his explanation?
Should I call tomorrow and say I;m ready for his explanation?
NO!
That's exactly what he wants you to do and take the upper hand away from you.
Stuck hit the nail on the head, fairly soon you may very well be told YOU are the reason for his infidelity, especially if you pursue him for anything. It's nuts yes, but it's the way it goes.
Stand your ground and stand firm. Don't let his vm's or emails get to you, it's an act at the moment. Why else do you think he changed his password?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Thanks stuck and faith. He called me a million times today and got progressively more updet about me not calling back- many voicemails. Finally called my brother then dad, who told him I was here and that I would call him tomorrow. Proceeded to leave me voicemails begging me to call him and be fair and just tell him. Well I called him- this is what I said: "I know that you have been unfaithful to me. You have completely broken my trust and it's unacceptable." He says "unfaithful? what are you talking about?" I say: "I have my sources. I am not comfortable discussing this with you further at the moment." And I hung up as he continued to protest. It's been about 45 minutes and he has thus far left me 6 voicemails telling me there's been a misunderstanding and that we need to talk about it, and by dealing with it like this- not talking to him- is not helping. He guessed that I read his emails and said a girlfriend had done the same thing in the past and accused him and he broke up with her. Is he threatening me? I don't think a woman sending him naked photos of herself, and him forwarding it to his secondary email address can be misunderstood. Also- if I'm wrong, as he continues to claim, then why doesn't he tell my voicemail what the truth is. Why do I have to call him? I assume the thing to do is not call him, right? Maybe if he calls me in a couple days and wants to come clean and is calm THEN talk to him?
You handled this wonderfully! You are now in the DRIVER'S SEAT! How does it feel? Let the lying bastard squirm. Let him know you will no longer be a doormat and that you are moving on without him (even if you really aren't, although I suggest you do). Whatever you do, DO NOT pursue or call him. Instead continue to IGNORE him. Make him wonder what you are thinking, make him wonder what you are doing. The one who cares less controls the relationship. You want to be that person.
You and I are in the same boat now. My WAS is starting to squirm. And she's still denying the PA to anyone that will listen. But I'm the only one that matters and she now knows she has NO control over me anymore. I am no longer her lap dog and ready to take her back at a moment's notice.
Whatever you do (and whatever I do) we can not lose the control we now have. Let your H sweat. Let him think about what he is losing. If he wants to get his act together, then maybe you listen several months down the road. But any apologies he makes now will only be fake and a lame attempt to get control back.
Sometimes our WASs (not all) have become so vindictive and, I don't know, evil that it feels good to have the control for a change. It may not be right, but we're only human.
It's amazing what some of the WAS's I've read about on these boards are doing to their LBSs. Threatening, calling the cops, flaunting the OP in front of the spouse. Crazy sometimes.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
