Well it has been several months since I've posted. To give a recap.
M coming up on 17 years. 2 children 9 and 13. W gets diagnosed of a bad incurable disease 5 years ago. W looks at marriage and says I wasn't there for her and never loved her. W wanted a divorce going on 2 years now. I finally gave in a moved in with family 4 or 5 months ago. W said she would make her mind up in a week and if we ever got back together it would never happen again. It has been 4 or 5 months now with "I don't know" as the answer of what we are going to do.
Fact is she is finishing a degree to get a job. I couldn't leave her without insurance because of her illness. Problem is it will be 3 years before she can get a job. It seems as time goes on, what incentive would she have to do anything. She has the children, the house, using our savings to live on. The break has been good for both of us. Between DB and other study, I feel I've grown a lot of interpersonal skills.
At this point I feel that I'm being used, or at a minimum punished. I won't get into all the excuses she gives for "it not working" and her "not wanting to work on it". I"m sure everyone has heard them all before.
I guess I just need to know if I should end it or at least file for a legal separation. I'm at the point where I feel is though if she is able to do this to our marriage and our children, because "she is not happy"... she went to therapy but quit and has not mentioned doing anything to change our current state. Do I want to be married to someone who is capable of doing this to our marriage and factoring in the "facts". I've given a couple hints reassurances of reconciling, while she has mentioned nothing.
I'm firmly believe in the oath I made to Her and God. I'm just confused on in that I want to have a life, someone that loves me and wants to be with me. If she is giving no indication that it will ever happen, I'm I doing the right thing be DB 180-ing????
I've only pressured her a hand full of times of the last 2 years of this situation. I've done my best to give her room. I feel as a result my life has come to a stand still. I feel as tho I'm just waiting to be sentenced.
Having said that, most of the time I have mastered being happy with the status quo.. especially around her and the kids... when she starts feeling worried .. she will say " you sure seem to be handling this well"... as soon as I try to move emotionally closer the wall gets thrown back up and she gets cold....
As you can tell, I'm having a little pity party... I guess in a way I'm wanting someone to say.... that's is right she is taking advantage of you... she being childish by pushing you away putting your life on hold for 4 years while she gets prepared to divorce you ... then you can start your life... so go get the divorce or legal sep... ask her how she wants to split things up and make her realize it is time to put this to rest of the everyone .. especially the kids...
oh well, any comments would be appreciated... i know most of you don't know the whole store... probably sandi2 or sandy2 would be the closest..
God Bless everyone going through something like this.... at the end of the day the Lord is my shepherd ... He blesses me daily even tho I walk through tough times.
Sorry for the rambling .. I'm not going to proof read it ... so thanks for your consideration.
