I am wondering if my MIL could be hurting my DB efforts?? Every time H has called I have not discussed R. I have tried to be upbeat and not show him that I am hurting inside.
SO, MIL called me today and said she had talked to my H. She asked him how he feels knowing all the hurt he has caused people. He said "like who" She said, for one, your wife, and for two, the rest of the family. His comment to her about me was that whenever he talks to me I seem to be ok with things. She then said that's because you are so far away and don't see her cry and see the pain she is suffering.
Could this hurt my chances if she is telling him that I am hurting?
So I am so confused. I write here because I need to get these thoughts out of my head! If anyone can offer advice, I would be very grateful!
I am so tired of the seesaw effect I am having. One day I want to just let go, and the next day I have a glimmer of hope, and so on. I absolutely love my H and I want nothing more than to work out our M.
After H initially dropped the bomb on me he was barely calling me. Now lately he seems to be calling me everyday around the same time. I don't know if I should continue answering his calls or not? I do NOT bring up R at all. Today he asked if I had responded to the D papers and I said no. Then I quickly ended the conversation. Just told him I was busy at work and had to go. Should I just go dark for a while?
I was thinking of speaking to him this weekend and asking him, "are you happy where you are?" "Are you 100% sure this is what you want?" "Is there absolutely nothing that will change your mind?" I was thinking if I asked just those questions, and he answered yes he's happy, yes he's 100% sure, and no there's nothing that will change his mind, then I would go completely dark for a while.
I just don't know what to say to him when he calls. I find myself biting my tongue all the time.
This morning he called me and asked me if I had met anyone yet...WTF? I wanted to say, NO I haven't met anyone! I am still married. Then he said "just because we aren't together, doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy" What do I say to that? I wanted to say, "if you want to make me happy, then don't call me anymore." Everytime I talk to him he puts me in a bad mood.
Don't worry so much about anything but yourself. Don't worry about what your MIL says. Don't call him. When he calls you do what he does, let it go to vm. These will be 180s for you. What GALing are you doing? Keep yourself super busy so you don't have time to think or worry so much....
Thanks Karen. I am trying to keep myself busy. I good friend of mine and I have been scheduling spa days for massages, facials, and things like that which have helped reduce my stress. Last night I went to a concert with friends....so I am trying to GAL!! It's so hard, I am so used to doing "couple" things...
"are you happy where you are?" "Are you 100% sure this is what you want?" "Is there absolutely nothing that will change your mind?"
If you put pressure on them, they go in the other direction. Someone on another thread compared them to feral cats. They need to figure things out on their own if they are going to be coming back. Work on yourself and change the things you should change for you.
Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
Don't worry so much about anything but yourself. Don't worry about what your MIL says. Don't call him. When he calls you do what he does, let it go to vm. These will be 180s for you.
Listen to Karen. This is excellent advise. My WAS left me for OM. Since I confirmed the PA, I have gone NC and it is starting to affect her. She is emailing me more, etc. I don't hold out much/if any hope for our marriage and am basically digusted with her at this point and want her to know I can and will get by without her. But doing a 180 is the only way I can maintain my sanity. If she wants to consider reconciling, she will have to come to me.
Keep doing your 180. The person that cares less about the relationship is in control. Make that you. There will be days you struggle and want to contact him (believe me, I have those days too), but stay strong.
Over the weekend H didn't try to call me at all, probably because that's when he's spending time with OW. I didn't try calling him either. But I KNEW for sure he would try to call me today. He usually calls every day while he is at work. When he is not with OW. So far today he has called my cell phone 4 times and our house phone once. I have not answered any calls. I am not calling him back.
