I am not getting that affection like you....though I think I would be more confused if I was. My wife has made that exact comment about needing to miss me. We'll see if that works or not.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
FWIW, I *did* miss H. Bitterly. It took a few months to get past the hurt and anger. But after that, I missed him horribly. And I know he missed me, too.
I can't guarantee that will happen with everyone, of course. YMMV
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I don't know if it will work, but I know she'll need to miss you/me before she'll want to come home.
Confusing? Very. I've stopped trying to figure it out as muh as I used to though. I'm just going with it knowing that it's temporaty either way. It helps....a little.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Okay..... the details have been asked for....on Oct 21st we will have been M for 20yrs. I went to a therapist like in yr 5 to deal with issues of abuse from my parents. At about that time, i pulled from her for about a yr, immediately after our first born. Then things were great for several years when she had her first A. This was a pretty serious event. He was D his W and wanted a permanent relationship with mine. She found out that he was crazy (nutso) and without the million details that ended...but there was a lot of mud thru that. We did seek help then too. I went consistantly she went randomly. many years of trust issues and other small A some were not PA, but she moved out once and the guy that help move her into her new place and buy her furniture in now talking to her again. (I did confront him and his wife the first time. (his wife had no idea - and i don't know if she does now).
We had to girls 16-19, we both have good relationships with both. Her is better with them, but mine is not bad by any stretch...
She has agreed (tonight) to go to an art fair with me...it all seems fine....there just isn't any affection from her at all. I guess I'll keep taking care of me (working out, reading, time for me) and make sure that bad habits I had go away, and the right things get repeated, (ignoring conversation, not taking advantage of doing things with her, thanking her when it calls for it, demanding respect when deserved, not leaving things around for others to do, do what needs to be done and don't expect a round of applause for doing it, bringing her favorite cheese popcorn home, buying her favorite cookies etc....
@Doormat - it would be good to post all of this on your thread so the people that stop over there can help with all of the information that you have laid out here.
As for me, I need to document how odd my life is.
W called me this afternoon to tell me the buyer of my Jeep came and picked it up. I didn't ask her to, she just did.
I called on my way home from work to ask if she still needed me to stop at the store. Nope. She was already out at the store with S.
I beat them home and saw 4 house listings sitting on the desk. !@#$%^#$%^
W and S got home. I was distant. W asked if I hated her today. I said no. She said she didn't feel well and hugged me. A lot. Then kissed me again.
Huh? Looking at listings? Concerned if I'm mad at her. Hugging and kissing? Ummm...am I missing something here?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I'm trying to make sure that I show interest and lead without pursuing too much. It's a hard balance to find. She's actually initiated some of this once I got the ball rolling. I like it! I still expect her to go...at least for a while, but in the mean time, I like it!
Conflicted is a word I've used a lot going through this.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I do like it, but it's weird to wonder how she can do the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff when she's apparently not sure if she's in love with me. Hmmm...I though that women needed to feel connected before they wanted to go there.
Girls are hard to understand. I am glad that there are women on this board to help "translate." I have a hard time speaking female sometimes.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
